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“Oh, really? Well, I'm from Playskool.”
Playskool is an American company that produces educational toys and games for children. It is a the arch-nemesis of Fisher-Price, and is headquartered in Pawtucket, Rhode Island. This empire mass-produces clones of various shapes and sizes, most of them small enough to hide among the childhood toys in nurseries and toyboxes. The ultimate goal of this empire is to outnumber the Fisher-Price Empire and replace them altogether.
Types of units
Due to limits beyond Playskool's control, clones must be manufactured from rubber and/or plastic. While this limits the potential movement of the clone, several plastic army men are often more effective than one flesh-and-blood army man.
- Infantry - these are mostly Star Wars action figures and transformers. Even though the the main enemy, the Little People, have no weapons (or limbs, for that matter), their mere presence on the battlegrounds represents a victory in replacing a would-have-been Playskolar in a would-have-been Playskool territory.
- Cavalry - Aside from bantas, which are terrible cavalry units, Playskool generally does not produce cavalry. Wild horses, such as My Little Pony, can easily be mounted as a warhorse by an action figure or transformer. These units seem to be more effective at infiltrating pink- and purple-colored battlegrounds. Cavalry attacks are quite rare in other battle areas.
- Artillery - Recently, Playskool talked up a potential alliance with the Nerf empire, opening the opportunity for actual artillery-based combat.
- Trained animals - Aside from little ponies, Playskool has also tamed various dinosaurs believed to have been stolen from Jurassic Park. Although not Playskool-trained (Mattel practices dinosaur training as well), a Tyrannosaurus rex, can be seen in Toy Story attempting to scare a pullstring cowboy. Unfortunately, plastic dinosaurs do not scare cowboys very well, so Playskool is working on a solution to this problem and will be releasing the prototype in a few months.
- Vehicles - Playskool is widely known for its Tonka vehicles. These trucks serve not only Playskool's own units, but also allied troops. They are also effective for transporting Fisher-Price troops to an alternate location. The large size of some of these vehicles makes infiltration of lofts in Fisher-Price's mooing barn bunkers much more practical as well.
Playskool mass-produces millions of clones per day. Some of their clones were used in Star Wars Episode II: The Clone Wars. The clones used in this film are recognized as some of the largest and most realistic clones ever produced by Playskool. When asked why the empire chooses to produce small clones as their main units, the Emperor Oscar Wilde replied, "It is harder for us to infiltrate the battlegrounds with larger units." Following this comment, we decided to look into the actual deployment strategy.
Deployment of troops
Upon the completion of a cloning, each unit is packaged in various materials. Some are packaged in cardboard, others in cellophane or plastic, and others in Styrofoam. Often, a combination of these materials is used for extra camouflage. These packages are then deployed via large steel tanks to retailers around the world, mostly in America, where the troops wait in rather conspicuous places so that humans with children might notice them and bring them into the battleground. As pointed out in a song by Superchick, some of the units will stay inside their plastic prison waiting for the day they rot. Troops are not usually sent any sort of compensation for their service, and they receive no rations, either, so the rot date comes considerably sooner. If enough of any particular model rots before infiltration, that model is discontinued and replaced at a later date with a new model that is more colorful, bigger, louder, or sexier.
Playskool is currently discussing a potential alliance with Nerf, an artillery company. If this deal goes through, Nerf will provide a valuable array of weaponry that could play a crucial role in the ultimate goal of Playskool. The empire has not yet worked out an agreement with Mattel, super-hot Barbie spies, but escalating adverse relationships between Playskool's Darth Vader and Mattel's Ken may certainly complicate things.