Plato
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Plato (born 2000 B.C.E. died 2200 B.C.E. to the present), whose name means "the Squat One," was a homeless derelict in ancient Greece and Jar of Sweet Pickle who talked to himself all the time (which he called "dialoging"). He originally used to startle wild hogs, but then gained a sort of cult following amongst other homeless nuts, and his crazy ideas spread across Greece. True to the spirit of the homeless he cultivated a sizeable beard and was always seen wearing his trademark bed sheets and sandals; to knowledge what hair was to Samson's strength. Unfortunately on account of his face he was not allowed admission into the School of Philosophy.
Plato also wrote a number of books during his life, including Das Kapital, The Odyssey and 1001 Monster Bogey Jokes For Kids. When not busy on a new blockbusting rollercoaster thrill-ride of literary genius, he liked to keep his creative motors running by writing angry letters to Reader's Digest and doing wordsearches. He invented the chair, which he used as a metaphoric mnemonic device to teach about his crazy rantings about "invisible forms" and his other delusions (he may have been a user of hallucinogens). This crazy idea of "invisible forms" can be observed in The Matrix if you happen to be on whatever Plato was on. Modern-day studies of Plato show that he acquired his wisdom by consuming mass quantities of Purple Drank with his nigga Socrates.
Plato is perhaps best known for his daily visits to inner city youth clubs, at which he offered his services free of charge (a truly altruistic act, if you ask me); a common evening pastime for him was his philosophical musings and after-school-recreation. However, it was probably not free; everyone knows homosexuality, especially with kids, was open in Greece. Like Immortal Technique, self proclaimed millionaire, said "more faggots than Greek mythology".
It is suspected by many that the John Carpenter's film They Live to be a docudrama about Plato's cult (under the fictitious name "Hoffman").
Plato's mummified body is now stored in the British Museum (which many claim is a dead ringer for Joe Gould).
His brothers, Playdoe and Ohboe are much more well known, and frankly they are more fun. He was friends with numerologist, Pythagoras. He had a dog named Pluto.
Plato was both a heavy thinker and a heavy drinker, with his consumption at its peak regularly reaching almost half a crate of whiskey (but not whisky) every day.
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[edit] Was Plato Roses?
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For a long time it has been proposed (especially by Church historian Eusebius) that the founder of Judaism, Moses, was actually Plato, and that he invented the Jews through a rigorous campaign of social hygiene (eliminating selfish people), physical hygiene (eliminating selfish cells) and careful inter-breeding with the best of all human races, creating the "Chosen People", or "Everyman".
This theory is based on Plato's and Moses' shared hatred of idolatry (thinking about dead people, sex, food, and anything relevant) and worship of an imperceivable entity like Zeus, Jehovah, or Jimbo Wales.
If true, then he may have also had a Nubian wife, Ala: Thomas Jefferson (which would dispel horrible rumors concerning Homosexuality, which where spread by his enemies; Aristotle and his friend Epicurus anyway).
His alleged fondness for wordsearches may also be a clue, since this resembles the recent Bible Code phenomenon, which shows hidden codes in the Torah, authored by Moses. Similarly, the presence of the Book of Numbers may also be a clue, since Plato was friends with Pythagoras, who invented numerology (the Bible Code also relies on a numeric skip code).
[edit] Was Plato Zorro?
If Plato is already to be thought of as Moses, then he may just as well be Zorro (who founded Zoroastrianism, and worshiped a similarly disengenuious entity he called Mazda). Since many Biblical skeptics claim Zorro is older then Moses, it may be possible that this would account his young appearance (was Zorro a young Moses?), he doned a mask and a hat and a sword to defend Persia from Hindu Thuggies, ultimately immancipating them from the evil pagans (many have noted similarities between Hinduism and Egyptian religions as well, with Brahma-Ra, the creator, Devi-Isis, the preserver, and Shiva-Horus, the destroyer, as worshiped by Aleister Crowley, Vishnu is not in the Egyptian trinity, and is probably just a friend, all of this is yet another proof of the synonimity between Moses and Zoro).
[edit] Was Plato Joe Gould?
In New York, there was an eccentric man named Joe Gould who set out to create An Oral History of the World, but never came down to it. His body was never found, but he resembles the appearance of the body at the British Museum, suggesting that Joe Gould may have in fact been Plato (Just for the record, this was the only time Plato's body was found, and he was only known when listening to Socrates, he was old by then, if we are to believe all of these theories, then this would Plato thousands of years old, suggesting that he may be none-other then Enoch himself).
[edit] Was Plato Plato?
Many have argued that the man we call Plato is not actually Plato, but an imperfect "image" of Plato, while the real Plato is the eternal form of Plato, existing as a real abstract. It can be countered that the form of Plato is what we're actually referring to by "Plato", and Aristotle suggested that the supposed imperfect image of Plato was in fact the form of Plato at the same time. Still others--we can't be bothered to look up who--have argued that the man, Plato, was not even an imperfect image of Plato, but the work of artisans by way of an automaton, in which case the "man" Plato is an imperfect image of an imperfect image of Plato, where the imperfect image of Plato maybe have been kidnapped as a child and chained up in a dark cave for the rest of his life. This question may be settled by rolling dice.
[edit] Love Life
It was believed that Plato and student Aristotle were more than just friends, following the explicit written statement by Aristotle which leads to the writing in one of Plato's many books that he wrote while musing over lost love (however, it must be noted that Aristotle was 1: Amoral, and 2: Disliked his teacher immensely). The only man who made an unsuccessful pass at Plato was Alcibiades, one of the handsomest young men in Athens. After Alcibiades led the successful invasion of Syracuse during the Pelopponessian War, he returned home in victory to Athens. Plato invited him to join their friends at a drunken orgy.
He related the events in his dialogue The Symposium. After dinner, when everyone was gone and plastered, Alcibiades made his move. To his surprise, Plato, who was quite ugly (he refused to have his nose done, like his hero Barbra Streisand), rejected Alcy. Alcibiades, his feelings wounded and hurt, then went after Jack Kennedy, who said, "Well, I've had every maiden in Greece; time to try one of the boys. I don't think I'll go for Christina Onassis, coz his dick's kinda small, so lemme try this Alcibiades. I always had a soft spot for Navy men---Remember the PT 109."
[edit] Creator of Disney
In 835 B.C. Plato had an extensive affair with Regis Philbin, even though Philbin was not a human like Plato. When Plato’s father heard of this he demanded that the two stop seeing each other immediately. “But I love him daddy!” Plato exclaimed.
This is the famous love affair that inspired the Disney movie The Little Mermaid. Although, the story of Plato’s romantic life has inspired dozens of other Disney movies such as:
- The Lion King
- Bambie
- Mulan
- Peter Pan
- The Lady and the Tramp
- Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
- Aladin
- Alice in Wonderland
It would be entirely fair to say that, together, Plato and Regis Philbin created Disney. It should also be noted that Plato often appears in Disney cartoons in the form of a yellow dog.
[edit] Astronomical status of Plato
Due to his squat wrestling stance, for several decades Plato was considered to be the outermost planet in our Solar System (although his orbit occasionally crosses that of Neptune). However, in 2006 the International Olympic Committee "demoted" Plato from planet to Greek philosopher. The general public has responded ambivalently to the shift in nomenclature, and the ramifications to modern astrology are still being discussed; the largest and most dire consequence being the fact that now "My Very Excellent Mother Just Served Us Nachos" as opposed to "Nine Pizzas", the pizzas being clearly the greater of the two dishes. This has enraged hundreds of prevalent astronomers, over 80% of which are allergic to nachos.and ate play do,.
| Preceded by: Socrates | Prime Minister of Heaven 400BC-32AD | Succeeded by: Jesus |
[edit] See also
Freaks and Greeks
| Greek: | Greek gods - Greek mythology - Greek language - Greek Empire - Greek War of Independence (video game) - Byzantine Empire (mostly Greek) |
| Greeks: | Socrates - Plato - Aristotle - Alexander the Great - Idiocrates - Mediocrates - Hypocrites - Homer - Euripides - Euclid - Archimedes - Pythagoras - Sophocles - Zorba The Greek - Pericles |
| Gods: | Zeus - Poseidon - Aphrodite - Chaos - Chronos - Hermaphrodite - Athena - Hades |
| Titans: | Prometheus |
| Greece: | Ancient Greece - Athens - Sparta - Rhodes - Thermopylae - Delphi - Geece |
| Greecey Food: | Olives - Olive Oil - Wheat - Darth Feta - Ouzo |
| Greek Ingenuity: | Comedy - Tragedy - Philosophy - Sodomy - Olympic Games |
| Greek Speak: | The Aeneid - The Iliad - The Odyssey - The Destiniad - Oedipus the King |
| Assorted Greek: | UnNews:Greek Prime Minister target by perv |
