Platitude

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A typical platitude

Although it might be argued that one man's platitude is another man's proverb, in general, most people would likely agree that what sets the two apart is that the former is an asinine, inane, jackass kind of thing to say, whereas the latter at least appears to be words of wisdom. Perhaps an example of each might help to show the difference between the two:

  • Platitude: A penny saved is a penny earned.
  • Proverb: You can't take it with you.

Contents

edit Annoying Nature

“It‘s God’s will.”

Most platitudes are meant to encourage a person, but, because they are simplistic (and an asinine, inane, jackass kind of thing) to say), they more often annoy. Most platitudes are insulting as well, because their simple-minded perspective concerning serious, sometimes catastrophic, situations is inappropriate and shallow. Telling a parent whose child is dying of cancer that the child's death is "God's will" is not comforting, even if it is true; instead, such a sentiment may cause the grieving parent to spindle, fold, and mutilate the idiot who spouts such a platitude.

People who have applied themselves, working hard to accomplish a goal that is important to them, may not appreciate some well-meaning fool's suggestion that "Hard work brings success," especially since it implies that those who have not succeeded are lazy. They may also not appreciate hearing a platitude like "Nothing succeeds like success," because such an asinine statement implies that it is also true that "Nothing nothings like nothing."

edit Dealing with Platitudes

Over the centuries, people, tired of being insulted by the idiots who deliver platitudes as if they were boxes of chocolate, bouqets of roses, or flasks of whiskey, have come up with several ways of dealing with such inanity:

edit Ignoring Platitudes

Most people, when confronted with a platitude, tend to ignore the statement for what it is, an asinine, inane, jackass kind of thing to say. These statements are about as meaningful as saying that Madonna is beautiful or that Hitler had a conscience, or Bush had a clue, or that Obama gave us "change". Such people reason and, therefore, any apparent solace that they might provide is also both foolish and false. Perhaps a better--solution is to reply with a platitude of one's own that means the exact opposite from that with which the well-meaning idiot's platitude means. For example, if an imbecile suggests that "Life is what you make it," the response that "I know who my daddy is, do you?" is an appropriate rejoinder. Likewise, if Obama says, "Every cloud has a silver lining," a good reply might be, "I'll keep my silver, you can keep your hope and change! "

edit Agreeing with Platitudes

Another way to deal with platitudes is to agree with the person who delivers such nonsense; in doing so, always add an exclamation point to your tone to show how fervently you concur. If the southern, uneducated redneck laborer says, "Hard work brings success," say, "Tell me that when your farm fails!" If the conservative says, "Life is what you make it," reply, "in your case, not much!" If an evangelical Christian claims, "The road to hell is paved with good intentions," say, "Tell that bullcrap to Grandma who got ripped off by the megachurch!" If a left wing nut case exclaims "It's a woman's choice to have an abortion" reply "Too bad your Mom didn't make use of that choice, hmmm?"

edit Butchering Platitudes

Taking the bull by the tail

The comic actor W. C. Fields demonstrated a third way of contending with platitudes and the pains in the ass who deliver them: recite them back, but with a twist. If a dolt says, “There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the horns and face the situation,” Fields would repeat, “I’ll make sure I remember those words of wisdom: There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.”

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