Pizza Planet
Operated By: La Bacteria Fecal Co. (2008 - N/A)

The Walt Disney Co. (1995 - 2008)

A Guy Named Earl (1994 - 1995)

Opened: 5-6-1994
Closed: 11-29-2008
Mascot: Little Green Men
Charged With: Bacteria Related Manslaughter

Mass Genocide

Biological Warfare

Numerous Health Code Violations


Body Count: 1,074 Confirmed

(Exact Number Unknown)

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Pizza Planet.

Pizza Planet was a short-lived chain of "Chuck E. Cheese"-like family restaurants, which were filled with arcade games, claw machines, and sold pizza. Founded in 1994, this Tri-County area based chain was best known for its cameo appearances in the film "Toy Story", and to a lesser extent, its boat-load of vermin and health problems which led to the chain's collapse in late 2008. The chain was owned by the Disney corporation until mid-2008, where a quick change of ownership placed the Mexico-based sewage management company known as La Bacteria in charge. When the chain collapsed, La Bacteria went bankrupt. Massive health violations caused millions of food-related illnesses, leaving large body count. The national health awareness group has yet to come to terms on the exact number of deaths caused by the Pizza Planet restaurant chain. The resulting court case is currently still in under jurisdiction under close government secrecy.

The Original Pizza Planet (1994 - Mid 1995) Edit

The original restaurant called pizza planet was built by a guy named Earl in the northern part of rural Tri-County. It was Earl's life-long dream to run a pizza restaurant. He was just a farmer, and made all the materials and ingredients by hand, or with help of his trusted aid/cow, Old Bessie. Earl was the owner of his new restaurant for merely a year before an undisclosed sum of money persuaded him to sellout his dream.

In mid 1995, the Disney company was working with Pixar on a new movie involving demoniacally possessed toys, and there script called for a pizza joint as a main set piece. The Disney company spotted Pizza Planet, and bought the rights for the name Pizza Planet and the restaurant itself, becoming the new owners. Pizza Planet seemed as though it was meant for big things in the future.

Toy Story Fame & The Mystery Meat Casserole (Mid 1995 - Early 2000) Edit

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Disney's Toy Story Franchise made these little green men the most sought after claw-game prize in the new restaurant/arcade chain.‎

After Toy Story was a blockbuster success like no Disney Movie had been in a long time, the demand for any spin-off or useless and/or forced merchandising cash-in was in high demand. The Pizza Planet food chain was soon spawning throughout North America. The franchise restaurant chain included arcade games, laser tag, family fun, and pizza at every location. The chain was known for the pizza-planet-pies obviously, but the menu was much more vast. It included the following space-themed entrées, including:

The Mystery Meat Casserole was the source of much criticism, because the management was under the order of the Disney Company not to reveal the secret mystery meat. The meat; which was a greenish yellow color, and smelled like a mixture of baby puke, cabbage, and old people; is now believed that it was a mixture of shellfish, tabby cat, and spoiled crab meat by the national health code violation department. This mystery meat caused quite a few incidents which Disney tried very hard to kept covered up. Locals who lived near the Pizza Planet location in Little Rock, Arkansas recall seeing paramedics outside the restaurant on more then a few nights during the summer of 1995. The corporation managed to keep the casualties under wraps at the time. Estimates show up to 500 deaths during this period of time. But even the removal of the mystery meat couldn't keep the chain sanitary for long.

Mickey & Minnie Begin Conquering Pizza Planet (2001 - 2005) Edit

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Mickey & Minnie's Rodent offspring created a living-hell when it came to health violations. Rodent fecal matter was a norm in any Pizza Planet dish during the early 2000's.

After the mystery meat issue, the Pizza Planet franchise stopped using unauthorized livestock for any of there meals. They believed they had finally stopped any health issues in the chain, and all operations returned to normal in the pizza planet chain.

It was during this time when some of the prizes at the chains arcades consisted of live mice. For 5,000 Pizza Planet Tokens, you could take one home as a pet. Since all of the games and arcade machines at Pizza Planet were rigged, getting more then 500 tokens was a miracle of God like proportions. Since the price tag was well above the average seven-year-old's skill of token earning, the mice were rarely more then a hindrance for the employees who ran the prize stands; as part of their job was to keep after these live prizes by feeding them and cleaning up their droppings. Sooner or latter, the little pests got loose, and the droppings were on the loose side too, since greasy pizza leftovers were not to hard to obtain for consumption. Droppings were soon in all of the stock, and the magical corporation in charge really could have given a flying-fuck if the stock was healthy enough for consumption at the time. As more and more incidents were being covered up, the mice were becoming prone to practicing there multiplication tables. It was to the great relief of the management that an exterminator was made a mandatory full-time staff member for each joint in the chain.

Fuzzy Pizza, Diarrhea, & A New Owner (2006 - late 2007) Edit

Moldy pizza

Fuzzy Pizza may have been a neat concept, but Disney's imagineers were forgetting the main concern of customer health and sanity, leading to putrid results.

In 2006, Disney had their world-famous Imagineers come up with a new idea for a meal at Pizza Planet. The idea of fuzzy pizza beat the other ideas for new meals, such as "The Astro-Shake" and a toothpaste meal. They began selling the newly patented "Fuzzy" Space Pizza at all of their existing locations.

The new meal was meet with green-faced on-lookers, too cowardly to try the newest dish. Most had already experienced bowl-loosening side effects from the other offerings on the menu, and had no desire to try something as furry as a shag carpet. Those daring, adventurous souls who did try it were in the restroom for weeks afterward. (Most never returned either, after shiting out half there insides, the still couldn't manage to strain out the fuzzy particles which stuck to their insides like leaches.)

Mass outbreaks of explosive diarrhea were suddenly being reported all across North America. The food chain was hard-pressed to keep things under wraps now. The Disney corporation decided to sell the entire chain to a Mexico based sewage management plant named La Bacteria for all they had. (Five bottle caps, a copper tooth implant, eight pounds of hash, several containers of pilfered filter water, and an unopened container of "Paco's World In-famous Guacamole Sauce" that expired in 1945.) After this, Disney wiped there magical hands clean of the whole Pizza Planet mess, or so they though.

Code Red: La Bacteria Goes Bankrupt, Disney on Trial (2008 - Present) Edit


A Pizza Planet Joint in San Antonio, Texas, as it appears today, vacant. Sights like this are a norm in North America, considering the 943 joints across the nation are all sitting vacant, until the trial comes to an end.

La Bacteria was unaware of the health code violations there newly obtained franchise had committed. They were quickly tracked down by the FBI, and the US government via a tip from the magical company responsible. The company was charged $500,000,000,000.00 for bacteria-related manslaughter, another $100,000,000,000.00 for violation of both the federal and national health commissions. Plus charges adding up to an uncountable number via law suites filed by family members of those who died at the hands of Pizza Planet. La Bacteria went bankrupt almost instantly. They were placed under interrogation by FBI officials, who were suspicious about the Pizza Planet franchise, and how the bankrupt company was able to manage 943 food joints and not fall short one penny before then. La Bacteria ratted-out Disney, and the two companies went to court to determine who was responsible. The trial remains under tight FBI wraps, and is still under jurisdiction currently.

See AlsoEdit

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Members of the Federation: Vulcan | Qo'noS
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