Pixel
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| Pixel | ||||||||||||
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| Disneyus chromatici |
A pixel (Disneyus chromatici) is a very tiny luminescent monochromatic humanoid with pointy ears, cute little wings, a shrill irritating voice, and magical powers that defy bamboozled evolutionists to this day.
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[edit] Skin color and behavior
Pixels come in all 16,777,216 magical colors of the rainbow, from infrablue (123456) to ultramauve (FEDCBA); however, many colors are yet to be discovered. Although pixels are often seen to congregate in vast numbers in geometric rectangular formations, most of them are racial bigots, preferring to remain in extremely close proximity to pixels that are very close to their own color. They will shun other colored pixels into perfect parallels of their own group, and then throw microscopic rocks at each other. Pixels are often known to commit suicide attacks upon themselves with tiny bombs implanted at birth.
[edit] Life cycle
The typical lifespan of a pixel is usually quite short. However, it has been recently theorized that one of their most important magical powers is to occasionally resurrect themselves from their disk-like graveyards by the millions so they can dance their little magical glowing dances before dying again just as suddenly. This process is often mistaken for sleeping, but it is indeed complete death and resurrection.
Sometimes though, pixels will be killed in their sleep by other (differently colored) pixels. When this happens, it can spread out in the colony, leaving only one color of pixels alive. Dead pixels are very hard to dispose of. It is sometimes necessary to completely destroy a whole colony of them so that the festering corpses don't mar the landscape.
[edit] Discovery and subsequent enslavement
The pixel was accidentally discovered in the wild by the French naturalist Georges Seurat in 1865. Although the Canadians claim that they found them first, in 1864. But we all know Canadians are too busy with their maple syrup to do anything to impact the world.
Whilst leisurely walking through the idyllic and serene countryside just outside of France, Seurat was unexpectedly swarmed with billions and billions of glowing pixels, which scared the living shit out of him. When he finally realized that the incredibly minute creatures were quite friendly and totally harmless, like unhuffable kittens. And Seurat captured them in a large empty milk bottle, took them back to his PETA-friendly lab in order to conduct frightening experiments by planting electrodes inside their tiny tiny brains. And by judicious expenditure of thousands of volts of electric current, forced them to dance their delightful magical dances for his Lord and Master Bill Gates.
[edit] Wholesale torture of helpless pixels
The evil Bill Gates then discovered a way to squish the hordes of helpless pixels using his ingenious JPEG torturing device, causing many of them to suffer painful internal injuries and spurt multicolored pixel blood and guts all over their closest neighbors. For this unspeakable horror rivaling the cruelty of the Spanish Inquisition, Bill Gates was recently elevated to sainthood by Pope Benedict XVI, even though he wasn't a practicing Catholic.
