Piranha
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“There's only room for one carnivorous fish in this world!”
“It may seem absurd that a little fish like that can eat a whole cow, but piranhas are no laughing matter!”
“I'm a piranha! They live in the Amazon!”
The piranha (pronounced Pu-Ron-Uh) is a species of aquatic carnivore. They may look like something you put in your fish tank, but they are not. Piranhas are small fish-like monsters with really big teeth. They are extremely vicious creatures and evil masterminds that are plotting revenge against the world right now. Trust me, they WILL kill you!
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edit History
Nobody is really sure where piranhas came from, thought there are many theories.
One theory is that some guy kept flushing goldfish down his toilet. Th sewer pipes led to hell, where the goldfish were possessed by demons. They then swam back up the pipes just when a guy was about to take a dump. The poor man sucker was eaten alive ass first! It was then the piranhas acquired their taste for flesh.
Another theory is that piranhas are descendants of the grues. As if the grues weren't evil enough, they wanted to evolve into aquatic creatures. So they started jumping into the ocean and mating with fish. As a result, piranhas were born.
A third theory is that piranhas are yet another abomination spawned upon our world by mad science.
edit Description
The piranha is one of the most ridiculous yet evil animals in our world today. It looks like a tiny little fish with jaws that take up its whole body. The piranha is obviously a mutation of some sort. But despite its size, it can eat an entire cow within seconds. How did a cow just happen to meet a piranha? I dunno.
edit Subspecies
There are several subspecies of piranhas. All are out to get you.
Amazon River piranhas The most common and the most likely type of piranha to kill you.
Ocean piranhas The most likely type of piranha to kill sharks (but it will still kill you).
Land piranhas What could be worse than evil piranhas? Evil piranhas on land! These nefarious creatures can kill you more easily than water piranhas. Luckily, they are less abundant. They are found in parts of Brazil, Peru, Venezuela, and Mexico City.
Flying piranhas Like regular piranhas, but with wings. Every year, they are responsible for 1000 bird deaths. They can also break into the windows of planes and eat the pilots, causing plane crashes. They will then eat corpses of passengers and any survivors of the crash.
Piranhas with lasers They're friggin' piranhas with friggin' lasers on their friggin' heads!
Penis piranhas THEY'LL EAT YOUR PENIS!
Piranhasaurus Rex These creatures are said to either be prehistoric piranhas or the missing link between piranhas and dinosaurs. It is impossible for it to be the offspring of a dinosaur and a piranha, as piranhas eat dinosaurs for lunch and have played a part in their extinction. It is unknown whether or not the piranhasaurus rex is extinct. In case it isn't, I carry a Flamethrower with me at all times.
Dead piranhas Not much of a threat unless they evolve into zombie piranhas and eat your brains.
Zombie piranhas The more deadly evolved form of dead piranhas.
New Jersian piranhas The worst kind...Oh GOD!!
edit Piranhas vs Sharks
Contrary to popular belief, piranhas are NOT related to sharks. In fact, piranhas and sharks hate each other.
Piranhas and sharks are savage enemies and will try to kill each other if they so much as appear in the same bar together. The two have been at war since 1982. It began one day, when a shark happened to meet a piranha walking into McDonalds. When the piranha ordered a Triple Big Mac, the shark laughed and questioned how such a tiny fish could eat a meal five times its own size. Angered, the piranha started devouring the shark, reducing him to a cartilage skeleton within a few seconds. For some reason, nobody seemed to notice or care what just happened. The piranha said "The Triple Big Mac can wait. Right now, all sharks must be pwned!". The war was further increased when the piranhas ripped off Jaws and made their own Hollywood crap: Piranhas 3D.
Piranhas also hate barracudas. But they're are not as popular or as hard to pwn as sharks , so you know...
edit Habitat
Like all fish, piranhas live in the water. Piranhas were first prominent in the Amazon River. The bad news is that piranhas may be expanding their range. They have already swam into the open sea, where they are pwning massive numbers of innocent sharks. You know why there aren't any alligators in the sewers? Because the piranhas ate them all! Whatever you do, you must take precautions before getting into the water...or else you will die.
edit Things that could kill a piranha
If you ever run into a piranha, you have to do something so it doesn't eat you. The only way to stop a piranha from eating you is to kill it. There are only a number of things that could kill a piranha. These are:
- A gun - This is the first choice someone would use for piranha-killing.
- A chainsaw - Especially effective on wooden piranhas, which will stun you with painful splinters before eating you.
- A cross and holy water - A powerful pair of weapons which can kill piranhas easily.
- Garlic - Piranhas hate vegetables, and garlic is a vegetable.
- Chuck Norris - Chuck Norris can easily kick piranha ass.
- A grenade - For extra measure.
- Pepper spray - AHH! MY EYES!
- A machine gun - Like a regular gun but WAAAYYY cooler!
- Terminal velocity - known to kill many aquatic beings whenever the mood strikes it.
edit Piranha Apocalypse
Piranhas are underway of starting a hostile takeover that could destroy sharks and humans everywhere! We need to prepare for this disaster if we are to survive (are we to survive?). Well, just in case, I decided to type this. I don't know when it will happen (probably after the 2012 Zombie Apocalypse), but if you want to survive the Piranha Apocalypse, then join forces with me, and together we will fight off the piranha menace (or die trying)!
Oh, and don't forget the guns!
