Ping pong
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“The game where everybody hits someone elses small white balls”
~ Mr.Tate on Ping Pong
“Is nice!”
~ Borat on Ping Pong
Ping pong, or as the French would say, L'Ping pong, is a very dangerous game that is mainly played in nuclear reactors by Partical Physicists with Bozo Guns. The energy that is released during an average ping pong game is astromunguloidal. The ping pong ball, in a mysterious Quantum Queef, is infact a rather large clump of Elementary Particles, which, in game, travels in accordance to the laws of Quantum cheddardynamics. Once a ping pong ball is set into motion, the enlarged particle could ping pong against the reactor's sarcophogus walls eternally, since the ping pong balls lose no energy against the walls of the reactor. Once a ping pong ball hits another ping pong ball that is not moving, this causes a chain reaction of ping pong balls that bring each other in motion. If two ping pong balls hit and experience an exeleration, the entire universe could blink out of existence.'PingPong' or 'Table Tennis' is also called 'Tennis for Midgets' or 'Dwarfnnis'
When played outside of nuclear reactors, most people do not notice the danger of the game. They even use euphemisms like table tennis to hide the more dangerous properties of the activity.
It should be noticed, though, that ping pong is a dangerous sport for the unprepared. If you do not wear loose clothing, than you will get strangled by a Stormtrooper. It is also important to breathe when playing, or else you run the risk of forgetting to breathe in the intenseness of the game. This has happened in several olympic games, and that is the only reason that the USA has ever won, because the Chinese always forget to breathe, because they do not focus on that aspect of the game. When Playing ping pong it is also nice to utter Chuck Norris's name under your breath as a good luck. For when doing this and play Chuck Norris MAGICLY appears and roundhouse kicks the ball! When playing a friend though it may result in sterilaztion, and will always result in the ball shattering and disintegrating into nothingness. It is also important to, upon winning the point, go to your opponent and yell in his face: ALL YOUR POINT ARE BELONG TO ME!!!!!!! and then commence with the ritual: IN (insert current date) Game was beginning. Opponent: What happen?
Observer: Someone set up us the ping pong table!
Observer: We get ping pong ball!
Opponent: What?
Opponent: Main net turn on!
Opponent: Its you!
You: How are you nerd!
You: All your point are belong to us!
You: You are on your way to chug warm beer.
Opponent: What you say!!
You: You have no chance to not throw up make your time.
You: HA HA HA HA...
Opponent: Take off every paddle.
Opponent: You know what you doing.
Opponent: Move paddle.
Opponent: For great ping pong game.
Currently, the world champion table tennis player is none other than renowned superhero Kevin "KICK YOUR ASS" Schack, who has actually been recently beaten by Mr. T without a fight, seeing as Mr. T is his one fear in the world.
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[edit] Rules
The rules of Ping Pong were first documented in Swedish, and are translated as follows:
- The table tø be used must be an adult large mahogany table, and must be fully dead beføre play cömmences.
- Said large mahogany table must be greater than twöö bork in length and greater than øne bork in height.
- A cøin shäll be tössed for service, and whöøosoever wins the töss shäll be given the large mahogany table toöøoo serve with.
- The plaeäëæyer with the service shäll ättæmpt toöøooö hit the large mahogany table øver the nët with his or her tennis racket.
- PläåâĂāy shäll cöõôōntinue until bøth plaeäëæyers and spëēęĚctâĂātõôōüÜrs gët børed.
Also,many women such as Rhiana can shoot balls out of their vaginas. this is done by ingesting alcohol, something she does often. Rhiana is a national pornstar of ubekistan. "I like watching Rhiana on the Internet" -Ali G
[edit] History
“I pity the foo' who's never played Ping Pong!”~ Mr. T on Ping Pong
“If it weren't for the existence of Ping Pong, I wouldn't be alive today!”
~ Surviving Cancer Patient on Ping Pong
The sport has changed little since its conception. The first match was played between Byorg Byorgsson and some guy in 1743 and lasted for two weeks. Of course, not a single rally was completed, but spectators were captivated by the mind-numbing tedium of the game, and play only came to an end when Byorgsson died of boredom, to huge cheers from the crowd. The most famous match since then was, of course, the great European Championship Quarter-Final of 1922 between Byorgy McBjorgbjorg and AAA. AAA was given the service, and stood behind the large mahogany table, ready to serve. The match took an unexpected turn when the large mahogany table, struck by AAA, was lifted off the ground by the winds of Hurricane Byorg (which was passing through Sweden at the time), and landed in his opponent's court. Thus came the first and only victory ever recorded in Ping Pong. AAA was heard to comment afterwards, "A AAA'A AAAA AA; A AAAA AAAAAA AAA." How true.
[edit] Ping Pong: A Threat To Us All?
A recent Time Magazine article on completely inane and useless pieces of information found that Ping Pong is now the single largest threat to the human civilization as we know it, beating global warming, the Chinese, and terrorism for the top spot. Zlatan Fazlic, Head of the International Organisation of Ping Pong Players and Referees (IOPPR) had this to say; " I'm absolutely delighted, that by using only the power of human boredom and confusion, Ping Pong has succesfuly become a major power. Soon you shall worship us as Gods!" He went on to insist that Ping Pong should now be officially classified as a "sport" not just something that he could "Get spanky too, whilst watching Neighbours". Mr. Fazlic is currently being assessed at a Psychiatric Home for the criminally insane.
[edit] Ping Pong In Popular Culture
“Ping pong spelt backwards is gnop gnip!”
~ Weird Al Yankovic on Ping pong
“I love ping pong like I love my sister. I secretly want to kiss it but know that would be so so wrong. Oh, GOD! Did I just say that on the record? FUck!!! Delete that shit! HEY!! GET BACK HERE!!!! I WILL SUE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
~ Donny Osmond on Ping Pong
Ping Pong, despite being the worst "sport" in the history of "sports", has become quite a thrill for movie-goers. All of the gay people in Hollywood gathered and created the worst movie ever. Balls of Fury. Most critics agree, this movie wouldn't have sucked so much if it wasn't such a shitty movie based on such a shitty sport. SHIT! Most critics hated it, but one loved the movie:
“I LOVED this movie!! It made me NOT beat my kids after I watched it.”
~ Al Gore on Balls of Fury
Though the box office failure, and failure to humanity, this movie did spark a much higher interest in ping pong than years past. With the help of the equally horrible film, Beerfest, Beer pong has become ever more an American pasttime.
“Thank you Beerfest, and you too Balls of Fury. Because of you my friends get drunk and play beerpong all night and wake up half gay and in love with each other. Thank you for not only saving ping pong, but also a stronger underground gay fraternity culture.”
~ Daniel Radcliff on Gayness
