Pimp Drummers

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“Fo' Shizzle!”

~ Afro-American enthusiast on Pimp Drummers

“I remember when I first saw a Pimp Drummer in action. His power, his speed...was unmatched. From that moment on, I always wanted to be a Pimp Drummer.”

~ Ludwig Van Beethoven on Pimp Drummers

Pimp drummers were a group of really skilled percussionists originally started by Afro-American funk drummers in 1801. The original pimps were Lenny White, Alphonse Mouzon, and Billy Cobham. Since that time, many more drummers have reached the stage of "Pimp Enlightenment" where they can proudly say that their drum-kit is their bi-atch. Until recently, the existence of this group and its people have remained very top-secret.

Contents 1 Pimp Enlightenment 2 Some commonly asked questions about Pimp Drummers 2.1 Are Pimp Drummers dying out? 2.2 Are Pimp Drummers becoming obese and overweight? 2.3 Is it true that Pimp Drummers are stupid? 2.4 We all know Pimp Drummers are Superior to other drummers, but what is their relation to other pimps? 2.5 If Pimp Drummers really do constitute the highest level of society, why are there no Pimp Drummers in government, or in the news? 2.6 My friend says he's a Pimp Drummer. How can you tell an imposter from the real deal?

[edit] Pimp Enlightenment

When people first learnt about the Pimp Drummers, the main question asked was: "How do I reach Pimp Enlightenment?"

The pyramid answers this. The pyramid is structured with the beginners, being most numerous on the bottom, followed by Intermediate drummers, Advanced drummers, Professional drummers and then Pimp drummers which are the least numerous. One must have the highest, pimpifying skill in order to reach this.

However, even after a certain drummer has reached the amazing skill level of "Pimp", he still needs to adopt the secret method of becoming a pimp as laid out in Shakespeare's book "To be a Pimp; Elizabethan Style". Many drummers such as Chad Smith, Buddy Rich, and Mike Portnoy have made the mistake of not pimpifying and have remained at the Professional level. These people are called idiots even though they are good drummers.

[edit] Some commonly asked questions about Pimp Drummers

[edit] Are Pimp Drummers dying out?

We don't know. No really, we don't. Since the 1800's, the numbers of pimp drummers have flunctuated. Just recently, it is proven that the recent decline of Pimp Drummers can be largely blamed on global warming. Because of global warming, the plant known as Himoftius Cramatus, which can be made into crude crack and drum sticks (the main diet of Pimp Drummers), was pretty much wiped out. Many pimp drummers could not survive without their crack and drumsticks and perished while some moved to alternate food sources. Even though there is a decline, we can't be sure whether Pimp Drummers are dying out or not.

[edit] Are Pimp Drummers becoming obese and overweight?

This is a nasty rumor being spread by people who couldn't become pimp drummers. Pimp drummers are not becoming fat, even though they are moving to an alternate food source. Besides, anyone who works on drums that hard would have the six-pack.

[edit] Is it true that Pimp Drummers are stupid?

This again is a stupid rumor being spread by stupid people. Pimp drummers are very intellectual despite their looks. Alphonse Mouzon seen above actually has a Ph.d in Medicine, Sciences and Kicking Ass.

[edit] We all know Pimp Drummers are Superior to other drummers, but what is their relation to other pimps?

A very good question. Pimp Drummers tend to be very social and out-going, unlike the idiots mentioned above. However, Pimp Drummers tend to hang out with only two groups of men. These being other pimps and drummers. Besides this, Pimps obviously love to hang out with women because it is, according to Lenny White, "Fo' Shizzle, dawg".

[edit] If Pimp Drummers really do constitute the highest level of society, why are there no Pimp Drummers in government, or in the news?

This is another really good question. The simple answer is: there are Pimp drummers in power; you just don't know they are actually pimp drummers. You know Barack Obama? Democratic Politician? Believe it or not he's a pimp drummer. As the discovery of Pimp Drummers becomes apparent, more people are coming out and declaring themselves as "Pimp Drummers". Of course, any person who lies about being a Pimp Drummer is immediately found and killed using age old methods of Pimp Fighting as set out in Da Vinci's book: "The Art of Pimp Fighting: Renaissance Style".

[edit] My friend says he's a Pimp Drummer. How can you tell an imposter from the real deal?

There are several differences between a person who is a Pimp Drummer, and a person who is an absolute asshole. The first difference can be seen on the right. More often than not, when you meet a Pimp Drummer in person, they usually have an orange aura which is God's way of saying this person is Pimp-elicious. Another subtle difference between a Pimp Drummer and an asshole is that a Pimp Drummer is always dressed for business. The key things a Pimp Drummer will always have with him is his diamond covered drum-sticks and his 45kg of "Bling".

On a side note, I mean, COME...ON, most Pimp Drummers are Afro-Americans, so, for example, if a white person comes up to you and says he's a Pimp Drummer, he isn't, he's a white asshole; trying to be someone he isn't. [Note: This excludes, of course, Danny Carey. However he is rumored to be a black man trapped in a white mans body. Apparently, there is a zipper on the top of his head.]