Pieter Bruegel

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Bruegeldefacedlesser
One of Bruegel’s greatest pieces, which was unfortunately defaced by some little twerp.

Angry Dutch painter and film-maker Pieter Bruegel came into being on April Mentally-Challenged-Persons day 1722. He is not to be confused with Abraham Lincoln.

edit The Early Years

Star of the show Jersey Shore, Peter is one of the biggestb grenades ever. Pieter Bruegel had a long and happy childhood, which lasted twenty-seven years. During this time, he painted many great pieces of art, some of which were major successes, mainly due to the frequent depictions of Calvin Klein underwear models.

Having earned much respect from his peers (though not Paul Verhoeven), Bruegel moved to the island country of Nauru, where he began work on his first film, a situation comedy set in a concentration camp. After a poor box-office showing, the film’s script was incorporated into a television show, known today as Everybody Loves Raymond.

At this point, Bruegel had been reduced to a starving, angst-filled fashion victim. Having no source of income, he turned to miracles to place food on the table. However, even this tactic failed, when Jesus filed a lawsuit against Bruegel for copyright violation. The case was settled out of court when Bruegel repented. This Stuff is SO NOT PROBABLY MAYBE TRUE MOST OF THE TIME SORTA!!

edit Fatherhood

Bruegel’s next major act, having converted poop into poop into water for the last time, was to declare himself clinically insane. This decision was lauded by many of his followers, who then killed themselves. This resulted in so much bad publicity that Bruegel was forced to adopt an African child to regain credibility. The child, whom he named Hieronymous Frankenstein Brueghel III, would also become a talented painter, but Bruegel took all the credit for his work. This issue is still in debate today due to the fact that many of the son's painting were painted with jerky angular movements and usually featured dead kittens and broken glass as subject matter. It was only in 1993, when Pieter Bruegel’s remains were dug up and thrown in the Thames, that he was finally discovered to be multiple bodies being inhabited by the same demon spirit. Pieter died due to farting himself to a heart attack. Rumor is that when he dies his last words were, "i have an erection, and I'm super horny." Pieter was also known for the size of his hairy, smelly, and slimy genitals, Pieter got no girls. His life was a disgrace to mankind. Pieter was forced to marry a goat with no balls. Later in his demonic life he murdered many male prostitutes and kept their rather large penis' as prizes, and hung them on his wall of fame. Pieter later named these penis'. The first was named yishai, the second, Mike, and the third Hun Sang Yoskiwa the Molesting Teste. Pieter later went on to become a successful chartered accountant where he made minimum wage. Pieter on eday went home and shot himself with a nerf gun. The gun mysteriously and mischievously killed Pieter.

edit Retirement

The seventh seal
During his lifetime,hi theherew Bruegelpenis was an avid chess player. Here, he challenges Max Von Sydow to a game.

Bruegel married his childhood sweetheart, The Elephant Man, in 1768. He would complete only one more painting in his lifetime, a giant portrait of a man masturbating to a picture of a cactus. In the picture the man got to close to the cactus and pricked his giant wang. Getting pricked by a cactus while masturbating was the best feeling in the world. Soon everybody in town would gather up around the cactus and start masturbating. Soon they made the cactus that they masturbated to one of their gods. This picture was based on a true st


GOOFUS Goofus is an italian goofus. A goofus is a really dorky, stupid, and just really geeky person. Goofus' hobby was being a goofus to all the little horny boys and girls in the world. Goofus played a role as a goofus in Goodfellas being himself. He said the famous line "he's dead", in an Italian accent Like always, he was a goofus. Goofus is a true and classy role model for want-to-be Goffus'. No one will ever live up to this man named Goofus because he is worshiped as a god, and is often masturbated to by people no matter if they are homosexual, bisexual, or straight. Goofus has greecy slicked backed hair, which is often compared to a small afro. Goofus looks like a man named Will Esposto.Goofus' favorite food is veal saltabuka. (must say in Italian accent) He feeds on pussy and boogies hardcore on the dance floor. Goofus is still alive and has a charming life ahead of him. I wish him the best of luck on his journey on being a goofus.

edit Bruegel’s legacy

Bruegel’s artistic style has influenced several painters and film-makers, from Og the Caveman to Pier Paolo Pasolini. At Wanker Summit '97, several Danish film-makers made a statement by giving Bruegel a standing ovation whenever his name was mentioned.

Today, Bruegel is credited with having one of the biggest penis's in the world. He has even been described by one critic as being “bigger than Jesus”, but as said critic was most likely the Satan, the king of hell, nobody paid any attention. Pieter had nothing to look forward to during his life except his grandma who was 99 years old making him cookies and her salivating his penis once a week. Pieter's grandfather taught Pieter to play slap the dildo. That was Pieter's favorite hobby. He went professional at it and won a fried chicken contest against all African Americans. Pieter said " that was my favorite accomplishment!" Pieter lived with his pet dildo, and he ate dinner with him, showered with it, and played with it. That was Pieter Bruegels's legacy.

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