Phrases spoken before death

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

You've all seen the movies. Whether it be a cheesy horror movie, a over-dramatic action flick, or a terrible comedy where somebody dies, everybody gets a "last words" scene. The character always seems so cool, and you go, "that's how I'm gonna die," even though you are probably going out by choking on your own vomit after an all night booze-a-thon. But what if someone needs to know who killed you? Or you have to apologize for some horrible mistake? Or what if you just want to leave a lasting impact on your loved ones? Well, most of them probably hardly knew you anyways, and could really care less. But if you really need something, you'll probably feel better if they at least pretend to care. What's wrong, can't think of what to say? Well, just choose one off the list down there, and amaze your indifferent relatives with dying coolness. That's how common folks do it.

Disclaimer: Quotes may lack coolness. Using one of these quotes will not save you from or prolong the inevitable. Using one of these quotes may cause everyone who ever loved you to hate you right as you die. This list not responsible for reduction of the number of people that go to your funeral. This list not liable for lawsuit by anyone other than you(And you're dead, ha ha!).

edit Explosives and other things that go boom

It may seem tough to say what you need to in order to immortalize your legacy in one of these situations. But, if you can get your voice loud enough to be heard over the countdown and say what you have to before your 7 and a half seconds run out, it's all worth it.

Note: It may be a better idea to just run and jump away dramatically in slow motion.

Nuclear explosion ar
"Look mom! I've found this suitcase with a red button inside!"
  • Someone set up us the bomb!
  • When you got to shoot, shoot! Don't talk!
  • Fred, what does "detonate" mean?
  • Thats a funny candle. What does Dynamite mean?
  • I'm telling you, this gun is not loaded!
  • Oooohhhhh, 5,4,3,2,1....
  • Okay, students, pay close attention. I will only demonstrate this once. First you shout as loud as possible:Allahu Acbar, and then you push this button.
  • Is this bus going to Tel Aviv?
  • This one's mine. See, it says MINE on it...
  • Zeekyboogydoog!!
  • Oh Shit!
  • Hey, HEY! Who pulled the pin on this one?
  • What is that whistling sound?
  • Nice ass, Superman.
  • Are you happy to see me or is that a gun in your pocket? Oh...you're not happy to see me...
  • Oh, you said the blue wire....
  • I wonder what this button does...
  • Don't dial that number!!!
  • Hum!! I'm smelling gas.
  • Why would I run from a briefcase?
  • I think it's a dud...
  • Don't worry; the safety is on.
  • FOR ALLAH!!!!!
  • Terrorists aren't nearly as common as those news items want you to beli...
  • WHAT THE FU....
  • I have three long years to live.
  • Don't worry, it's only a small injury.

edit History

704px-Cannibals.23232
“So, you're a cannibal... Let's try to respect our cultural differences, all right?”

From ancient battles to religious epics, these coolio death phrases were invented before there were even movies to steal them from!! History is so coral, and these quotes sure do go ahead and prove it, by golly!

  • THIS IS SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
  • Oh fuck! My edge is blunt!
  • Vikings at the bay, Vercingetorix!
  • Those Romans are crazy!
  • TORA! TORA! TORA!
  • Is that guy on the horse Attila?
  • Is that guy on the elephant Hannibal?
  • Is that guy leading million Persians Xerxes?
  • Is that guy with the Greek accent Alexander?
  • Is guy riding the nuclear missile Slim Pickens?
  • Hey! That's a lovely wooden horse!
  • A HORSE!! A HORSE! MY KINGDOM FOR A- ooh, what a lovely flower!
  • I can't understand a word you say. What was that again? Lebensraum?
  • Holy Mackerel! Where'd all those fuckin' Indians come from?
  • We came..... in peace.....
  • Smite me, oh mighty smiter!
  • I have brought shame, and dishonor to our house!!!

edit Fantasy and fiction

DOMOKUN
"What do you mean by grue? That's just domo-kun, you uncyc-addict!"

Never, ever, for any reason, insult the Redheaded Cowboy. Unless you want to die, and be remembered as the one who did, that is! These quotes may be fictional, but they're so cool even the people that don't know you at all might hear you and go: "Oh, what was that a quote from? Some TV show or computer game? Meh, I don't care." And they won't.

  • Chuck Norris is gay!
  • Jack Bauer, I swear on my life that I won't tell you a Goddamn thing!
  • Rosebud
  • There can be only one!!
  • Lets split up, to cover more ground!
  • I'll be right back.
  • You voted for WHO?
  • That's funny, I could swear I heard a noise...
  • Look! A Grue!
  • What the hell is that?
  • Chuck Norris? more like Chump Norris, ha!
  • Ooooooooooooh shhhhhhhhhhhi-
  • He's behind me, isn't he?
  • KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!
  • That's a cool grue costume. Oh, it's not a costume...
  • You guys stay here. I'm going to go and scout out the area.
  • Let's take this rope bridge to the other side.
  • Sticks and stones may break my bones, but a Grue can never hurt me.
  • Oh yeah? You act all impressive with your plunger and your egg whisk...YOU AIN'T IMPRESSIN' ME, ALRIGHT?!

edit Traffic and vehicles

Poolcar
"Yeah, yeah, counter gear..."

Thousands of people die, every year, from car accidents. So either get a good insurance policy, buckle up for safety, stop drinking while driving, or memorize these quotes!! And I think we all know the three on the list that simply aren't going to happen.

  • Take it easy, airplanes are more secure than cars.
  • I'm controlling the car perfectly fine, dammit!
  • Is that thing in the counter lane a truck or two bikes? Ha, two bikes!
  • Take the wheel for a sec, son, I'm gonna get another beer.
  • No, I swear, I can drive with my feet!
  • Stop sign?
  • Hey, that guy just cut us off!! I'll show him...!
  • Hey, check THIS out, y'all!!
  • The sshecret of drrrivin drrrrunkg ish jussht do it shlowly and calm.
  • Well, this is where my SAT-NAV told me to go...
  • Why is everyone driving on the wrong side of the road?
  • I've just stolen your car, what are you going to do about it?
  • I'm telling you, I can make this light.
  • He looks nice enough. Let's give him a ride.
  • You want something to be scared of? I'll give you the ride of your life!
  • What truck?
  • Oh, come on! Trains don't even run on this track anymore!
  • Put on my seat belt? Those things are such a waste of time, more trouble than they're worth!

edit Darwin Awards

Atbash-charles-darwin-ape
"Now, with this 100% polystyrene costume, all I want is a sauna before the party!"

Pretty self explanatory, unless you are retarded enough to die one of these ways! Still, even the stupid may want to sound cool when they die.

  • I'm sure 230 Volts isn't that much.
  • I can make it, it's not that big of a gap.
  • It's ok, turpentine isn't poisonous.
  • Two weeks in the fridge have just ripened this stuff. Worst case: I get a bellyache.
  • Don't worry, it says INflammable!
  • The possibility of that happening is one in one million, I promise.
  • You think I'm too pussy to jump, huh?
  • You can jump, Bertha, I´ll catch you.
  • Where did you say you got these mushrooms from? At the bottom of the garden surrounded by dead animals? Sounds tasty!
  • 'Tis but a flesh wound!
  • The Chemical formula H2SO4 sounds like a novelty soda drink.
  • Don't be silly, bleach is good for you! Whoever told you otherwise?
  • No, that disclaimer was just a liability thing.
  • What does it mean "don't touch"?
  • Hey Ya'll, Watch This!
  • Safety gloves are for nerds!
  • I'll count till 10!! One... Ten
  • I go ahead.
  • Of course I'm a doctor. Now where is that scalpel?
  • And now for the world record; my 68th Big Mac in one sitting!
  • Oh, here's a nice fence to piss on.
  • East Side! (as spoken on the west coast)
  • West Side! (as spoken on the east coast)
  • Hold my beer and watch this!

edit Love and relationships

K64
"How could I dismiss a girl who has 'Love' as a surname?"

Ha, who would love you? You'll never even need these, loser! But just in case you do, here they are.

  • Ya, nobody loves you, either!!!
  • Yes, I trust you, Bundy.
  • OK honey, you can drive.
  • Is he your husband?
  • I'm breaking up with you, Death.
  • Oops...
  • Yes, I already did my Will, why?
  • This sucks on so many levels!
  • Excuse me, ma'am, how much for one hour?
  • Keep off the grass? Ha, why don't you try and make me!
  • I'm glad you're not upset about me cheating on you. Hey, these brownies you made taste funny...
  • You know damn well how fat your ass looks in that dress.
  • Don't worry, I'll save you!

edit Unrated

  • Redrum
  • Put the fucking lotion in the basket!
  • I'm afraid you have cancer... Hahahaha! Just kidding, that's common bellyache. What?
  • Look at that hillbilly and his Civil War rifle. That's cracking me up!
  • Let them eat cake!
  • LEERRROOYYY JEENNKKINNSSS!!!1!
  • Are you sure this will work?
  • God is Dead!!
  • Is this song that is being played Helena?
  • Hmm, you Mormons seem interesting...
  • That's it! From this day on I'm no longer a scientologist!
  • I hate Uncyclopedia!
  • What do you mean Final Destination?
  • I see nothing wrong with standing in front of the yellow line!
  • This is some nice Kool-Aid.
  • I know what i'm doing!!
  • I never used a gun.

edit Warfare

Wars
See, I don't see any dead people here, do you? People die in war......simply preposterous!

Dude, people die in warfare? Are you sure? I don't know if I can trust you on that one.... Nope, I just don't believe you. Well, if you are unlucky enough to die in some unrealistic warfare situation, here are a few last words for ya.

  • Oh, come on, there probably aren't even any mines left!
  • Hey is that a a snip---
  • Hmm, I wonder what this button does...
  • Damn I knew packing my lunch in a bag similar to my parachute was stupid!
  • You must be seeing things.
  • What's up, Osama?
  • Dammit, you're speaking your language to fast!! Drop my what? My golf? What the hell do you mean drop my golf? Oh, drop my gu----
  • Say, Achmed, what's that ticking noise coming from your dynamite vest?
  • I bet it was just a bear.

edit Wildlife

Remember that sign at the zoo that said "please don't feed the animals?" This was because they didn't want you to be eaten become awesome and cool. Feed those animals.

  • A stingray! Gorgeous!
  • Kiss me, my pet cobra!
  • Don't worry, it's tame!
  • Bear cubs are sooooo cute! Oh, and there's his mommy, aaaawwwwww.
  • No way am I getting out of this river! I feel like I have really established a connection with these flesh-eating killer piranhas.
  • No no no, that's one of those "friendly" lions.
  • Contrary to pupular opinion, sex with badgers is not only completely safe, it isn't even illegal!

edit Celebrities

There are many dead celebrities, and many last words to go with them. Here's just a few...

  • No, don't take me, take Yoko instead!
  • I can pull the bullet out of the rifle with my mouth, easy!
  • I don't suppose chloral hydrate and Nembutal taste that bad...
  • Mmm...I loves me some red wine! Ooh, Vesperax!
Personal tools
projects