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"When I want to make my knob look better than it is, I used Photoshop®."
~ Oscar Wilde on Photoshop
Adobe® Photoshop® is also the name of an image editing program made by Adobe®. Adobe® Photoshop® was designed to replicate most of the features found in the GIMP, but for a better price. Photoshop is shit because it costs lotsa money, get it free from TPB. It is also said that Photoshop® was designed to make the user hurt himself/herself due to its many confusing shortcuts like the holding of the ALT key. The end result is a program that is very similar to MS Paint, but with support for JPEG images. Much like divorce, Adobe® Photoshop® takes half your stuff, in this case your RAM. The designers at Adobe® understand that people love to hold down the mysterious 'ALT Key'. Despite the fact that Adobe® named the software Adobe® Photoshop® to cash in on the popular verb, the program had limited success. By the time Adobe® declared bankruptcy in 1968, only 523.7 copies were sold, but over 3,768,345 copies were given away through magazines and illegal warez downloads by countless teenagers who wanted to create better forum signatures.
A huge advantage was the simplistic and easy-to-grasp feature set -- essentially, anything you would ever want to do graphically is about a single mouse-click away. You could easily undertake even the most challenging task and your workflow would be so smooth and processes so intuitive that you would actually gain time at the end of your project!
Some people claim that Adobe® are evil, because they registered the dictionary word "Photoshop®" as their trademark and were able to criminalize its use as a noun and verb. Therefore, you risk going to jail if you use a sentence like "I photoshopped a picture of that guy I killed yesterday".
Photoshop has also been known lately to cause injuries among emo computer geeks. The response to this was "When cutting my wrists just isn't enough, I use Photoshop®."
Photoshop is also known amongst today's youth as a way of completely ruining good photos. Example: "If I raise the brightness to an indescribable level, it will hide my spots! Joy!" Unfortunately, a side effect of this is that the picture is left with NO DEFINABLE OUTLINES. This is not noticed by the creator of the image, who simply basks in the glory of their apparently spotless face.
Adobe® and Photoshop® are either registered trademarks or trademarks of ®Photoshop® Company® Inc®orporated® in Nigeria*, Finland® and/or other countries. Violation of this trademark may result in personal injury, death, and/or nothing at all—thus, the activity is often practiced as a form of high-stakes gambling, much like Slovakian roulette. Say photoshop and you will go to jail.
Shut up about the "personal injury, death, and nothing" business. Deal with it.
What Photoshop can be used for:
Photoshop or as they want you to call it, Adobe® Photoshop® Image® Enhancement® Creation® Software® Version 6.®0®, can be very useful to create all kinds of cool and dumb pictures. A person unskilled in the photomanipulative arts can now show works displaying his unskilledness in an embarrasingly crappy manner.
- Please, follow these simple rules when usinging photoshop:
- Don't use Adobe® Photoshop® software for stupid stuff like removing red eye, use it for more useful things like making it look like your car is destroying the Death Star, or depicting a kitten sitting on Jack's head in Titanic, or how about having an Empire State Building or two just lying around in your backyard?
- People, make sure the shadows and stuff line up.
- Lightsaber battles look phony: Don't do them. That's a job for professionals, or superior software like MS Paint.
- Sharply cut out superimpositions look phony.
- Murphy's Law of Adobe® Photoshop® software Phoniness: If anything can go wrong to make something look phony, it will.
- 2nd Murphy's Law of Adobe® Photoshop® software Phoniness: You'll never fix them all.]
- 3rd Law: When you've found them all, there's more.
- You can never get it right. Don't bother.
- If you can spend 60 hours painting every pixel by hand. Congratulations. Now do the other 2,000 frames.
- Modifying UN documents before e-mailing them to your boss.
- Pasting in little pictures of nuclear weaponry where there was none before
- Placing false smiles onto the people you Rohypnoled into having sex with you.
- Showing your boss that idea you had if everyone in the office was a ninja.
- Place Emperor Bush's face next to a monkey's whenever possible. It's still funny.
- Turn your coworkers into Borg.
Photoshop as a Game
Since Mac users don't have any real games, some Mac users turn their photoshop projects into games, since they are so bored. Photoshop is not a game, damnit. HL is a game. Oh wait, that's not for the Mac. Nevertheless, Photoshop is still more fun than a lot of Windows games.
PSD is also known in Summit Academy High School as 'The Posse Of Sucking Dick'. Arch rival of the REAL Posse Of Doom (POD)
Using Adobe Photoshop
Using Adobe® Photoshop®, you can actually create realistic looking pictures of Windows imitating a real operating system. Here is an example of a very well done photoshop: