Pharmacist
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
“Pharmacists are fun and smart guys. I'd let one operate on me anytime.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Pharmacists
Contents |
Apothecaries (as Pharmacists are known in fancy language) are an ancient, time-honoured, yet thoroughly modern and cool group of medical practitioners. Apothecary has been a regulated trade since Medieval times.
[edit] Role as drug dealers, no, not that kind of drug dealer
- Pharmacists offer general medical advice, psychological counselling, and a wide range of health services such as surgery and midwifery.
- In between appointments, pharmacists formulate and dispense materia medica, also known as meds.
- Pharmacists are also experts in tooth extraction and other advanced dental procedures.
- Pharmacists carry on their trade through a retail shop called a Pharmacy, which in addition to ingredients for medicines, also sells patent medicines, and health products such as tobacco and chewing gum.
- Treatments and surgeries are conducted by the pharmacist in the sterilized back room of the conveniently-located neighbourhood pharmacy using modern, homemade tools.
[edit] Training
Given the high standards of the pharmacist's trade, the training of pharmacists is rigorous and efficient, consisting of a five-year apprenticeship with a total of six months of full-time university classes. There has however recently been an extremely worrying occurance. The apparent high standards of a pharmacy degree have been put to question due to the fact that Mehtab Elahi is in the middle of the program. This has lead to several leading pharmacists questioning the validity of a pharmacy degree. One leading boffin stated "if Metz can do it then we're all fu**ed". Metz replied with "ahhh screw it, here, have a pill".
The watchwords in pharmacist's training are learning by doing, instead of wasting time memorizing quickly-forgotten details for tests. From the first day onwards, the apprentice has a major role to play in dispensing and surgery.
[edit] Continuing education
While avoiding book-learning for the sake of book-learning, pharmacists do recognize the importance of continuing education. The Society of Apothecaries makes available to its members practical videos showing state-of-the-art medical techniques. The self-study videos on Introduction to Laser Micro-Surgery on the Brain and New Techniques in Heart Transplants are especially popular with new and experienced pharmacists alike.
[edit] Future trends
Apothecary is undisputedly the leading medical trade. The public has always recognized the cutting-edge skills, expertise and personality of pharmacists, and even more so in today's complex society. It's therefore not surprising that competing health trades such as barber-surgeons, midwives, blacksmiths and physicians are quickly becoming museum pieces.
[edit] See also



