Pete Best

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ATTENTION! Before you read this article, you may want to have a drink, because it shall be your last.

“I recently chilled with Pete as he recorded his upcoming "Abbey Road Wouldn't Let Me In So I Recorded This In My Own Garage." He also shared with me the news that he will be making a tribute show for himself, called "Tuesday, June 2nd, 1962." May I also note that all of his music is shit.”

~ Anonymous on Pete Best

“Pete Best? Ha! More like Pete Worst! Man, I am so stoned…”

~ John Lennon on Pete Best

Pete Best, commonly known as the Best Beatle and the Fifth Beatle (though he himself maintained he was the First Beatle, while John, Paul and George were the fifth The Beatles; and Ringo was the Shittiest Beatle)from 1960 to 1962. After being expelled from the band he quickly established himself as their arch-nemesis, constantly mocking and humiliating them.

[edit] Musical career

At first Pete tried to equal the Beatle's success by forming his own band. He figured that he was the hottest musical free agent of all time, so he should capitalize on it. Unfortunately, his backing band left much to be desired. For example, the bass player was the corpse of Stuart Sutcliffe propped up on a couple of sticks with a paper cutout of a bass guitar without strings shoved into his hands for lack of sufficient funding. Public interest dwindled, and poor Pete was reduced to releasing a mocking version of all the Beatle's new releases.

• Please Kill Them
• Without The Beatles (Thank God)
• A Hard Day's Pete
• Pete Not For Sale (Because I'm Not A Fucking Sell-Out Like You Pricks)
• HELP (Pete Kill The Beatles)
• Rubber Soul But Not a Rubber Wallet Unlike Them
• Nowhere Band
• Sergeant Peter's Petely Pete Pete Pete Band
• Magical Mystery Peteles
• The Beatles Are Blank Look At Their Latest Album
• Yellow Snubmarine
• Flabby Load
• Let It Pete
• Listen To This Album Backwards (Akkyrsnljhr Mhhuvnk Sblrjrtnrm)
• I Made More Albums Than The Beatles
• Paul Is Dead So Can I Be Back In The Band Now
• Please Please Pete
• Please Pete Pete
• Pete Pete Pete
• Hey Pete
• I am the Peterus
• Petey in a trash can with Peanuts
• For the Benefit of Mr.Bandless Musical Super Genius
• Revolver (with three bullets (because Paul is already dead))
• Here,there and everywhere (all I see is visions of the Beatles getting assassinated)

[edit] Pete!

Best's first success. The title track reached #4034343544 in Albania:

Pete! They need somebody,
Pete! Not just anybody,
Pete! you know they need someone, Peeeete.

When they were younger, so much younger than today,
They always needed Pete's help in every way.
And now these days are back, they're not so self assured,
So now they find they've changed their minds and opened up the doors. are you gonna help them there falling down? pete are you gonna turn the career around? won't you please, pleeeeeeeeeease help pete?

and now that their life is changed in oh so many ways, their independence seems to vanish in the haze"

It goes on like that for a long time with an extremely technically advanced 16 note guitar riff by Madonna.

[edit] Later work

Sgt. Peter's Lonely Hearts Club Best

• Peter Soul
• Pete and Pete
• (I'd Like To Shoot Those Hippies With A) Revolver
• Sgt. Peter's Lonely Hearts Club Best
• Pete's Submarine
• Magical Bestiality Tour
• The Pete Is Best Album
• Let It Be Known That I Am Not A Fucking Faggot Like Paul McCartney
• Bestiality!
• Pete Best in the Sky with Ringo

[edit] Trivia

• Pete Best has never been to Bolivia
• Pete Best is unable to conjugate irregular verbs in Attic Greek
• Pete Best has owned pets, some of which have lived in his house
• Pete Best has never been a member of (the) Melvins, and did not play drums on Houdini or (A) Senile Animal
• Objects in Pete Best's review mirror are closer than they appear
• Pete Best's haircut has never been described as an "Afro of Doom"