Persia
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
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| Motto: For Shah and Country | |||||
| Anthem: "Just like you'd imagine shortly before or during getting your asses kicked by them" | |||||
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| Capital | Tea-ran(So far away!!) | ||||
| Largest city | Tea-ran(All night and day!!) | ||||
| Official languages | English, Persian, Mede, Parthian | ||||
| Government | Imperial | ||||
| National Treasure | The Sands of Time | ||||
| National Hero(es) | Cyrus the Great, Darius the Great, Xerxes the Great | ||||
| Declaration of Independence | Always | ||||
| Currency | Sun Blotting Arrows, Bullets | ||||
| Religion | Mazdaism | ||||
| Major exports | Sun-Blotting Arrows, Battle Rhinos, Battle Elephants, Massive Battleformations, Poets, Poetry, Honour, Klingons and Klingon Culture | ||||
| Major imports | Madness, Blasphemy, Old guys with Beards, Racism, Earth and Water in a pit. | ||||
Persia is a country spanning from West Asia to South Asia, to the Middle-earth, North Africa and Central Asia. Nowadays it is a popular griding spot for those playing the The Game Of Life, having large scale PvP combat with nearby nations on a regular basis. Persia is historically renowned for having it's ass kicked by every country it tries to fight, in any time period. It may have defeated the Romans, the Byzantines, the Sumerians, the Assyrians, the Lydians, the Phoenicians, the Armenians, the Israelis, the Egyptians, the Babylonians, the Arabs, the Turks, the Indians, the Lybians and the Greeks on many occasions (including once during a Van Halen concert), but we'd rather not note it because we like to distort history to gratify our incessant needs to identify ourselves with civilizations like Greece and Rome that we really have nothing to do with.
[edit] History
Persians are mainly found in Beverly Hills and always own gold statues, curtain rods and Persian rugs. Persians are considered related to the people of Norse. They have shown their racial superiority by taking over the known world a few times over the course of history. Also note that the Persian Empire has served well as a model for the Klingon domination of the universe.
HOW YOU KNOW IF YOUR FRIEND IS A PERSIAN:
-If he wears lots of gold jewelry and the same track suit everyday.
-If he is constantly telling you how to do your job, irregardless of the fact that YOU are the boss.
-If he or she lives in Beverly Hills.
-If he/she ever freed Jews from captivity in Babylon.
-He/she or someone in his/her immediate family drives a BMW or a Benz.
-He/she has a dad that has Shamshir swords.
-He/she has a mother who practices archery.
-He/she has a father who plays Hok'm almost everyday.
MOST COMMON PHRASES AMONGST PERSIANS
-Long time, no siege!
-Nice subcontinent, I think I'll take it!
-This is blasphemy, this is madness.
-Our arrows, will blot-out the sun!
-Our lands will be paved with their ashes!
-Give the Bitakh, his due!
-Our God-King, is a kind God.
BACK TO THE STORY OF PERSIA
After a few thousand years, the Persians had received enough gold from Mystra to buy their own fast food empire, called Mcdonalds which again, had modeled it's world domination policies on the methods and the theories of the Persian Empire. Their venues soon became a popular dining spot among Persians and Spartans alike.
Unfortunately, the Greek's jealousy towards the Persians became too great and they attempted to push the city of Ion which was well within the Persian borders to to revolt against the Persians Government, which ultimately resulted in the Ionian Revolt. The revolt was quickly put down by the Persian God-King.
The action of the Greeks of course did not fair well with the Persians and they decided to teach Greece a lesson they would not soon forget. This resulted in the Persians holding a referendum on the Issue. Ultimately the decision was made to take over Greece in order to turn it into a giant dump for leftover grease from their now fast food giant Mcdonalds. This indeed, is where the country of Greece gets it's current name, as well as the hit film that followed. The misspelling occurred at a later time when Herodotus, the biggest writer of fiction of all time, decided to see if he could even fictionalize the name of his native country; So he did, from Grease to Greece, and it stuck! (no pun intended)
After a hardcore battle, with much pirouetting and slow-motion, as well as Battle Rhinos and for some reason, Goblins, the Persians emerged victorious having lost a million Persian warriors despite Xerxesoids' attempts to lessen the bloodshed by seducing King Leonidas. Unluckily for him, Leonidas was the straightest of the Spartan warriors, having many times bedded Queen Jabba of the shot glass nipples. The Spartans received only 299 casualties, whose downfall occurred after one of their most homosexual soldiers was bribed to betray them with pornographic spreads of Hard Gay.
Ultimately though, Greece fell and their two strongest states Athens and Spartaaaaaaa were burnt down to the ground. According to historians, this was by far the greatest ownage of all time where finally the boy-loving and homosexual Greeks were subdued for the first time, in turn, doing the world civilization a favour. Prince of Persia or PoP, succeeded Xerxes.
PoP, being even smarter than his father, sickened by the homosexual habits of the Spartans and Greeks in general decided to leave Sparta and invade India. During the sacking of the Dhali Lhama's palace, PoP managed to steal the sands of time and caused a series of anomalies in the space-time continuum that led to him becoming his own son. He soon became emo, and played annoying repetitive music while wearing black and cutting himself with the Dagger of Time over and over again.
He eventually committed suicide at Hitler's bunker, after posting a suicide note on his myspace, which was read by five people, none of whom cared. The family fast-food chain was then passed on to next in line Oscar Wilde who immediately sold the chain to Ronald Regan in return for 1000000 burgers. Oscar Wilde soon had a Heart Attack and died.
More fun facts about Persia to follow.
[edit] Persians conquests, mights and reing
Conquest of Greece: King of Kings, King Xerxes ran over Spartans and smoked Athens in 554 BC. Leonidas' body was the property of the Persian government for 300 years in order to exhibit the complete ownage of the Greeks and Spartans alike, and their primitive so called "king".
Conquest for Southern Egypt: 553 BC. It took a 500 beer gun and several Persian Cats to defeat the Pharaohs and their ultimately drunk Egyptians army.
Building of Ka'bah: 549 BC. The Persians were actually build the harsh Ka'bah,(which their called it Ka'bah before present day) not the muslims
March to Hittite: 705 BC. With the help from Chinese ally, general Mao Zedong help Persia attack the condom mania Hittites.
Others reign, conquest and mights will be appear later.
[edit] In popular culture
- The persian empire appeared in the little disseminated "graphic novel" "300", where it was portrayed in a sympathetic light, a low budget independent film of the same name also featured the empire, though it showed at only three theatres worldwide.
