From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
“The only instance of life where grammar is more fun than women.”
“Im sorry, I don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die.”
“It makes women want to bitch and it makes men want to kill women. I love the irony.”
“It's not my fault I'm so big and high in sexual needs!”
“I hearby conclude my statement about Periods with a.”
“These are the times that try men's souls.”
“In Soviet Russia, period has YOU!”
Periods don't exist, they are an elaborate hoax created by feminists and the IBHA, caused by them cheating on their sexual partners. This fact was recently proven by scientists in an experiment, which is how many facts are proven.
For the punctuation mark which indicates the end of a sentence(.). See Sentence stopper thingy
The Invention of The Period
Periods were invented by Hilary Clinton in 1641 K.W. as a means of being able to slack off from duties and completely disregarding responsibilities, if anyone wanted her to do something all she had to say was "I don't feel like it, I'm on my period you gay mother fucker, I'll shit down your fucking throat!", she could also get away with the noticeable hostility by saying that periods made her uncontrollably angry. Exactly how she convinced Chuck Norris to sleep with her is currently unknown. By utilizing the period Hilary evaded all responsibility or even common decency for the sake of her apathy for everyone else around her, as the habit began to become routine (on an almost monthly basis, but she could just say she was on her period whenever she wanted, no one would know.) she began to frequently incorporate new ideas, such as frequent migraines, inability to achieve any height of sexual arousal or pleasure, and the ability to treat everyone like shit. After a few years of being a total bitch Hilary began to just randomly make up even morebullshit just to evade even more work, such bullshit ailments included:
- reduced quality of vision
- inability to have sexual intercourse and make children
- hyper-ability to conceive children (the facts changed frequently, although in any case she wouldn't let a man 50 miles near her genitals due to intense hostility)
- An increase in "testosterone"
- Inability to leave the house
- Low Self Esteem
- painful stool
- inability to cook
- inability to urinate
- inability to walk
- inability to take care of one's self
- inability to speak
- ability to inability
- inability to serve the white man
- inability to inability
The lies were hardly limited to these examples but these were the most prominent.
Period fuck is a no no unless upon female request. (In order to cure ailments such as headaches, cramps and moodiness)
A Sudden Boom in Popularity
Women everywhere learned of the amazing powers of being an asshole one afternoon May 3rd 1997, when Bill Clinton was making an important speech and she staggered in and began demanding that Bill vacuum the carpet or she'd kill herself.
She killed herself.
Discovery of Bullshittery
In the year 2001, scientists discovered that periods were complete bullshit with an experiment. The experiment was simple: observe someone "suffering" from a period for 48 hours behind a two-way mirror. The results: Periods are bullshit, the minute any straight male would leave the room the subjects would return to normal as though their symptoms were suddenly cured, then when someone would knock strongly on the door they would lay on the floor and roll around and turn into whiny little bitches, the trend continued all day and night for two days, thus it was proven to be fake. and Chuck Norris will keep on banging your wife/girlfriend, mum and sister (these all count as one in southern USA.). Another common experiment is to put a tampon into the toilet. You cultured folk will get it, I promise you.
The Status of Periods Today
It is generally understood that periods are just a woman's excuse for being a lazy bitch, but no one has the balls to confront a woman about it yet. Until then the economy will suffer, people will keep dying, and women will continue to get a free ride on the period train
A period is a very stressful experience that occurs every month for those who are "regular." For the "irregulars," I don't know. It is a crappy time, but well worth it if in the future you decide to have a child.
How to know if someone is on a period
Its very difficult to know exactly when someone is on her period. They hide it very well since they received good training for it. This is very difficult for a man to know unless she tells you that herself. Here is what you need:
1. You need to be close to that person at least 9 hours per day / 6 days per week and for a whole year.
2. You will need to have a friendly / professional relationship with that person.
You know she is on her period when:
1. She is more calm than usual.
2. She is more emotional than usual
3. She has sudden burst of emotions, like the need to have fun or the need to have a puppy or the need to cry. Note that these signs also applies to a pregnant person.
4. She will makes very low tone sounds, like as if something is penetrating her. This also means that her period is painful.
5. She will not move much and would not do actions that requires much physical movements.
6. Drinks warm water. Girls who have painful period drink warm water because it helps.
Famous People Who Have Periods
Many famous people have periods, here is a list of several of them:
- Paris Hilton
- Ann Coulter
- Barack Obama
- Richard Simmons
- Hillary Clinton
- Al Gore
- Adolf Hitler
- Your Mom
- Nancy Grace
- Kimi Raikkonen
- That guy with the mustache from Cheers
- Yoko Ono