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edit Pepe

Peter Edward Phillip Evans or P.E.P.E was born on the 30th february 1883 somewhere in the Amazon rainforest, Brazil

edit Career

At the age of 2 he was already 6 foot tall and was spotted by a scout from Brazilian club Corinthians. It was there that he would break the record for most unwitnessed fouls with an average of 94 per game. This aspect of his game impressed Portugese giants Porto who signed him for 1 nando's black card in 2004. He proceeded to play over 100 games for them before joining Real Madrid in 2007 at around the same time he was involved in the case of madeiline Mccans' disappearance in Praia de Luz. Despite a succesful start to his career in Spain he began to have flashbacks to his abusive childhood which caused him to become very angry and get into fights on the pitch, this has also happened when playing for his national team Portugal. During the 2013-14 season he played 19 consecutive games in La Liga with a broken neck, however he still won every header. In recent years he has lost his place in the team and can now be found in the shadow of Sergio Ramos or the pocket of Thomas Mueller.

edit Personal life

Pepe's anger issues have been put down to the abusive childhood he experienced at the hands of his mexican drug cartel father Pedro. Others believe it is due to his bad sense of humour or his close friendship with Joey Barton. He has 7 illegitemate children all of whom are dwarves. His idol is Nicklas Bedntner, whom he regards as the greatest footballer of all time. He is allergic to the weak and his only fear is Zlatan Ibrahimovic. He is vegetarian and his hobbies include making daisy chains and nude modelling.

edit Future Career Prospects

Since his exclusion from Real Madrid's first team he has taken a job as a bouncer in a famous nightclub called Capones and won Bouncer of the year 2014 for his ruthless approach to dealing with drunken 12 year olds, by headbutting them.

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