People Eating Tasty Animals

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“People Eating Tasty Animals? On MY internets?!”

~ Oscar Wilde on People Eating Tasty Animals

People Eating Tasty Animals aka PETA was founded in 3500 B.C. in a cave, apparently the first founders were "cavemen" who happened upon a dead rabbit roasting upon a lava field. The incredible smell and taste encouraged these "cavemen" to form the society of People Eating Tasty Animals.

[edit] Bears 1, People 0

The first PETA member was a broker who had watched a number of colleagues being mauled and eaten by bears right in the middle of the market. Distraught, he attempted with the support of Teddy Roosevelt and Paddington Blair to create Animals for the Ethical Treatment of Humans, a group to lobby the bear community to stop mauling and eating people.

The effort was an abject failure. In the lean and desperate Great Depression era, animals would eat people and feel hungry an hour later. There was nothing left but skin and bones on most of their prey.

[edit] The march to Hamburger Hill

After narrowly escaping becoming dinner themselves, the group changed name and tactics, resorting to fighting the terrorism wrought by animals against humans with equal terrorism. PeTA members vowed to arm themselves and ally themselves with the "Nasty Rednecks, Armed" group NRA to ensure that next time, they'd be the ones eating the bear - even if in Soviet Russia, the bear eats you.

They amassed their forces under a tyrannical general, the General Tso of the henhouse massacre incident, and his evil henchman Colonel Sanders. The animals were going to pay for all the years of predation in which humans were merely food for lions and tigers and bears. Oh my!

The war left nothing but Kentuckistan fried carnage in its wake. The bears, under the dictatorial but misguided leadership of Winnie the Pooh, fought on until nothing remained of Pooh's home base Winnipeg but frozen tundra. The mad cows decided to regroup on Hamburger Hill, inflicting massive casualties on the humans, as the war of attrition continued relentlessly until virtually no one was left standing on two feet or four.

In the course of the war, a group of conscientious objectors sprouted on religious grounds. The Vegetarian sect, a religion of worshippers of peas and carrots, felt that both humans and animals were of no importance and hardly worth fighting for compared to the apple of their eye.

These events quickly became fodder for parodies such as "People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals".

[edit] People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (a parody of PeTA with deceptively similar initials) is another name for some people who like torturing people for the sake of "saving" animals when all they do is save their torturous little selves from running out of money.

[edit] History

[edit] A new world order

See George Orwell and Animal Farm.

[edit] See also

• PETA, a completely unrelated group.
• Category:Food for a collection of tasty recipes to use up the leftovers from this battle.