That Bitchin' Cold Place
The Northern Elven Republic of Christmas Cheer
|Motto: "We poison the paint in the toys just for you."|
|Anthem: "I want to go to Hawaii." By Santa himself|
|Largest city||Child death camp....ville|
|Official language(s)||Ho Ho Hoish, Toyish, Elvish, and the many languages of the children at the death camp that scream at night.|
|President||President Santa Claus|
|‑ Vice President||Vice President Spanky the Elf|
|National hero(es)||Legolas and the guy who killed Barney so they didn't have to make anymore of his toys|
|From the Polar Bear Empire: When Santa came with all of his guns.|
|Religion||The Cult of Warmth and the Santaist|
|Major exports||Toys, ice, seal skins, polar bear skins, eskimos, midget porn, and illegal fire arms|
|Major imports||Nuclear warhead, reindeer, and a large amount of shock collars|
“Children go in, and toys go out.”
“Yes, I've visited Santa and his numerous little elves up there many, many times and found it quite enjoyable.”
“Get the fuck out of here you shit head.”
“I always knew he was up there.”
The North Pole, also known as That Bitch'n Cold Place, also known as The Place Where Semen Freezes is where Santa Claus and his large work force of several million elves imprison "naughty" children and force them to create toys for Christmas. The North Polar city of Santa City is also the headquarters of the Black Market's midget porn division.
Many moons ago, Santa Claus came in a boat from who the fuck knows where to free the North Pole from the evil Polar Bear Empire. The elves who had lived in the North Pole had been surpressed by the polar bears for years, but they had no way to fight back, they didn't even know how to make an average child's shotgun yet.
However, Santa came bearing arm. The bears all withdrew to their ice castle to protect their queen, but Santa came in with a tank and blew the wall up and then he got his flame thrower out and burn a whole bunch of the stupid bitches up. Then Santa mowed down all the the queen's security guards with a submachine gun. Finally, Santa shot the queen in the head. Her last word were "I'm gonna funking kill you, I'm gonna-" and then he shot her. To make sure there weren't any survivors, he had an atom bomb nuke the place, which started global warming.
After all the bears where destroyed, the elves and Santa Claus set up a government. As thanks for all he had done, Santa was elected president for life. They figured since the man look like he was already 90, it wouldn't take him long to kick to bucket. But what the elves did know is that Santa had accidentally snorted some Live Forever Powder when he was a child that he had mistaken as Meth.
As you can expect from a nation that is situated somewhere in the vicinity of the North Pole, its fuckin' cold. There is no way of telling exactly how cold it is but it has been estimated to be about as cold as Hillary Clinton's vagina.