Pentium

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For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article very remotely related to Pentium.

Radioactive metal of atomic weight 586. Symbol Pm. At room temperature, Pentium is a soft cheese like metal delicious with crackers. Melting point 450 degrees. Pentium does not boil as the density of its gaseous form is greater than that of solid kryptonite.

Scientists in CERN, Switzerland first created a particle of Pentium in a mile long Atomic Mangler costing $4.6bn, before discovering that the Mangler was in fact built in an abandoned Pentium mine and there was tons of the stuff lying about.

Dangers of Pentium

Pentium as a material can warp the fabric of the universe, making numbers unpredictable in some cases, creating pockets of anti-mathematical destabilization (AMD). For this reason, Pentium has sometimes been described as an acronym for Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics. Large deposits of Pentium will cause calculators to malfunction and simple arithmetic hazardous. An abacus with one bead containing 4% pentium alloy was responsible for the collapse of the Hrung dynasty in 7th century China. Pentium mining was banned by World President Stavros P. Hilgemeyer in 1916 following the deaths of over n workers during an out-of-hours poker game. The effects of the pentium had caused all players to believe they held five aces each, the resulting excitement triggering an explosion of Pentium Sulphide deposits in the ladies restroom.

Pentium poisoning can cause short term memory loss. At this point it is traditional to repeat one's self in a cheap joke about memory loss, but, the writer is not suffering from this condition so the 'joke' will not occur.

Additionally, Pentium combines readily with oxygen and hydrogen to produce the highly dangerous psychoactive substance Pentagon, prone to produce violent tendencies and delusions of grandeur. Pentagon poisoning can cause short term memory loss. At this point it is traditional to repeat one's self in a cheap joke about memory loss, but, the writer is not suffering from this condition so the 'joke' will not occur.

Uses of Pentium in Industry

Traces of Pentium are used in the computing industry as a Performance Inhibitor. The full power of modern computers is such that any home computer could be used to devise devious devices deviating the future of the world. By welding a great stinking lump of Pentium to every home computer, the Secret Masters can be sure that no-one can use the device to gain Enlightenment. And pentium has also solved the age old problem Generating prime number is a pain in the ass... way to go intel!!!

The future of Pentium

Sources also say that a community of people called chutyas use pentium to dope. Some unemployed scientists have now discovered that pentium can also has properties of semiconductors. So we will be witnessing the silly-con out penitium in thing by the turn of this decade. A recent study on pentium has proved that people who are within close vicinity of pentium can develop impotency & can develop signs of severe brain damage.

Retarded Table

The retarded table of the elements, although acknowledging Pentium's existance, positions it differently, as element 16, as seen above:

Tardtable

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