Pentetrator Perpetrator

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The Pentetrator Perpetrator is the alias of an unknown Yugoslavian, bisexual walrus rapist. He is feared worldwide for his massive 30 inches of sensitivity and fun, something which you'd find pretty enjoyable (wink wink, nudge nudge, COCK COCK, hey, GTFO my pants).

The Pentetrator Perpetrator was first seen after a bank robbery in Yugoslavia where all of the male bankers were raped. He was seen on security to seem like "Jim Carrey with a black beret and thieving mask" and was named after the five areas he penetrated (nose, eye sockets, urethra, anus, and enlarged skin pore), hence the prefix Pent in the word Penetrator.

The Pentetrator Perpetrator (commonly shortened to PP) is considered an international threat and is to be killed on sight. Officials still-OH, SHIT, HE'S RIGHT THERE!

edit CRAP

He's outside my window as I type this. I don't think he's noticed me. I know it's him; he's got that weird necklace and shit. And he's got the hat, and the clothes...I mean seriously, how could that not be him? Ma? Yeah, check out that guy, doesn't he look like him? I know, right? EXACTLY like him. Check on him while I call the police. What? He noticed you? No way-

edit OH NO MAMA

Oh crap! Shit! Ma! Crap, she's dead! He threw a dildo through the window and directly into her heart! THAT'S NOT FREAKING POSSIBLE! The BLOOD! It's everywhere! How the hell am I getting cookies now? What about my Hot Pockets? F*CK! Now what do I do...

As I'm typing I'm peeking out of the window...

OUCH!

edit No, Seriously, Stop With The Dildos

HE THREW A FREAKING DILDO IN MY EYE! I'M A FREAKING CYCLOPS LIKE IN WORLD OF WARCRAFT! I HATE THOSE DAMN THINGS, THEY SUCK GERMAN MANWHORE ANUS WITH A STRAW! OUGH!

I am now trying to remove the dildo...it's really stuck in here...just got to nudge it this way and...

OH SHIT, I ACCIDENTALLY TURNED ON VIBRATION! SHIT THIS FREAKING HURTS! THIS FEELS SO MUCH BETTER IN THE ASS! DAMNIT, TAKE IT OUT! ARRGGGHHHH!!! (Plop)

Ok, it's out...I feel like a mutant cyclops. Shit. That's never good.

Wait...I see him outside...he appears to be moving his hand in a back and forth motion over his-oh, Sophia, WHAT THE F*CK IS HE DOING! WHY ARE YOU STICKING A WIRE HANGAR DOWN THERE! (Puking Sounds)

Ugh...What? He's moving towards my front door! CRAP! I'm hiding in my basement...


edit Ok, So I'm There

It's been a few minutes, and I don't think-

*Creaking Sounds*

Woah, what the hell was that? Was that the door-

I'VE GOTCHA' NOW YOU VENDERSHLAV!

OH SHIT, NO PLEASE NOT IN THE DICKHOLE, NOT IN THE-OH F*CK WHY WOULD YOU PUT IT THERE! HELP! HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPP! NOOO!!...

edit Moral

You're next, so stretch open yer' holes.

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