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Penguin HAXXORZ!!!

“I am Morgan Freeman, and I am talking about penguins in a deep bass voice.”
~ Morgan Freeman on penguins

Penguins (also known as Pinguins or Paingwins) are a species of flightless black-and-white birds. To us, they are a cute but hostile and genocidal species out to eradicate all non avian life.

History of Penguins

Penguins are an ancient alien race whose origins are mostly unknown]], but it is speculated that they are extra galactic. The Penguins have returned to the Milky way every fifty million years and exterminate all space capable life.

Why the penguins, do this will forever be a mystery. As they are avian there goals and desires are unknowable but it is known humans once had a interstellar empire spanning the Milky way of its own at the peak of its power and influence the penguins arrived from no where and began to lay waste to human worlds Led by mysterious and insidious penguin known as Sovereign. The god emperor of mankind also known as Jesus realized humanity was facing inevitable defeat fled to the fortress world Terra and in a desperate attempt to deny there sworn enemy victory drew all of his divine power and rendered the galaxy lifeless in a mighty blast.

After the fall, The surviving humans started to rebuild unknown to them at the time the south pole was already infested with penguins and some of them had infiltrated the human nations and started Christianity and Islam a twisted perversion of Jesus's word to splinter and send humanity into a dark age so they would have time to rebuild and continue there cycle of genocide. No one knows why they are doing this but it is speculated this cycle has been going on longer than we can fathom. We can never comprehend there goals or motives.


An artist's impression of an early penguin.

Penguin Indoctrination

Indoctrination is the term used for the "brainwashing" effect the Penguins and their technology have on intelligent beings. A signal or energy field surrounds the Penguin, which subtly influences the minds of any individual in range. It was first reported by colonists on the fringe worlds, who claimed there was a "horrible noise" emanating from Sovereign as he descended.It is said that even penguin ships interior serves indoctrination: the strange angles of the rooms are confusing and make you uncertain of yourself. The effect seems to extend to Penguin artifacts. Indoctrination is one of the most insidious weapons the Penguins have in their arsenal; Human scientists describe it as a greater threat than Dick Army. As History records show, indoctrinated slaves from conquered planets were used during the last Penguin incursion as sleeper agents. They were taken in by other Humans as refugees, then betrayed their own people to the avians. But the Penguins viewed them as disposable. When they moved on, the Penguins abandoned their indoctrinated slaves, leaving them to starve or die of exposure.

The Penguin Invasion

Penguins and Humans fought a war for the galaxy, and after a thousand years of war with quadrillions dead, the Human race was facing certain defeat. Unfortunately for us, the massive penguin invasion has only just begun. The penguins have infiltrated various important places including the White House, The Kremlin, NERV, The Great Wall of China, Switzerland, France (but the French have already surrendered) as well as their home base of Youngstown and their civilian colony in Antarctica is used to help raise their numbers here on Earth. They have also indoctrinated some zoos ; unfortunately, they are also indoctrinating the human race in zoos as well.

Funny pic

The cuteness of penguins makes them perfect for advertising.


“We have no beginning. We have no end. We are infinite. Before us you are nothing. Millions of years after your kind has been eradicated and forgotten we will endure.”
~ Sovereign on the human race.
“Your words are as empty as your future.”
~ Sovereign on Jesus.

All penguins worship the master penguin, a living god known as Sovereign. [[Unicron| It is unknwon when it was brought into existence]. Its gender will forever be unknown, but all who hail refer to Sovereign as a "he." Sovereign created his evil race in his image with all of his hatred of life put in them. One especially hated human was Jesus. Sovereign would meet his match when he invaded the Milky Way. He saw humans as the only force that could stop him. Humans fought fiercely under the living god amongst humans known as Jesus, who stood in Sovereign's way of galactic domination but unfortunately Jesus died in his final act to save mankind , but Jesus never truly died and we await his return. Towards the end of the Milky Way War. Sovereign's physical form was destroyed by The divine blast of Jesus This was a tragic loss for the penguins, but it did not completely defeat them. Now he watches over them in his etheral form, guiding the Empire of Antarctica. Many followers still say Sovereign is immortal, ruling in a hidden area, supposedly known as the demenion of Sovereign.

Modern Warfare


Evil penguin bitch slapping his victim

Penguins and humans have fought in space, land, sea and air. They have become flightless nowadays because of man's recent tampering with a genetics bomb that destroyed the gene that made them fly. With humanity's space fleets wiped out in the Milky Way, all fighting is set in resistance pockets on the few remaining inhabitable worlds like Earth. Some say the human fleet was not lost but resides on the fringe of the galaxy awaiting the return of Jesus, Alex Mercer, and Master Chief to return to earth and cleanse the penguin population and rebuild. Also Gordon Freeman will use a teeter-totter and several weights to lift himself off the ground to put a plug in the wall to activate the teleporter to return Jesus to earth.

The Prophecy

A prophecy was told by the Church that Sovereign would return. In the year 3009, great battle will occur on Earth that will determine the fate of the galaxy. Jesus and Sovereign will do battle while the armies of humans and penguins will engage in their final battle. The battle will destroy much of the planet and blood will flow but humans will be victorious. As Jesus slays Sovereign and establishes terms with the help of Gene Simmons and Ace Frehley, they will begin to rebuild the human interstellar city and the seat of this new empire. Then He will give mankind his blessing to set forth and conquer the stars, to hunt down remaining penguins. Then the universe will fall under the iron fist of the Imperium of man.

Related pages

Considered by some as the penguins of the North. Penguins envy them for their ability of flight and plan to kill them as well as humans.

One of the many secret penguin organizations working to enslave the earth.

An unexplained part of the prophecy of what will happen to most of the penguin race after the chickens are wiped out. But you won't be eating there. You will be working there as a slave, making delicious fried penguin dishes for your leopard seal rulers.

Another cute and cuddly creature that will kill you.

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