Pencil
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“2B or not 2B?”
~ William Shakespeare on the pencil
“Watch me make this pencil, disappear.”
~ The Joker on the pencil
“That's what the eraser's for motherf*cker.”
~ Jango Fett on the pencil
A pencil is an obscure torture device that was used commonly in Nigerian dungeons and temples of worship during the early 1800s. This practice has since died out due to a complete lack of prisoners since Nigeria is a pussy and doesn't start pointless, bloody wars with everyone else just because it can. The pencil (penciliuos polios) was also used as an early aged dildo, which could be sharpened and blunted for one's desire. This practice was soon ended due to painful splinters in unwanted areas. The pencil has such become less popular, and is now taken for granted. The pencil was first discovered by George Washington when he was cutting down a cherry tree he then came up with the idea of using the dick today known as the pencil to torture random people to make them become patriots. The pencil gets its name from William Penn, who originally called it a penncil.
The pencil's appearance is that of a small, skinny pole with one sharpened end. The opposite end is sometime blunt, but is more often capped by a pliant, pink protrusion. For use of the pencil as an obsure torturing device, one must first subdue the victim, usually accomplished by chaining said victim to a chair, and then administering a standardized test. This can come in various forms:
- SAT: Sadistic Anal Treatment
- PSAT : Pre-Sadistic Anal Traumitization
- ISTEP: Intravenous Salmonella Tranfusion Entry by Pencil
- GQE : Grotesque Questionnare Entries
- ACT : Armstrong Cerebral Tap, not to be confused with that one band
- WASL: Warhol Anal Sodomy Lock, invented by Andy Warhol and made popular by The Who, and more recently, Breaking Benjamin.
- IQ Intravenous Quaffle, As seen in Harry Potter
The pencil is closely related to the pen, but is much more malevolent. And it doesn't write in pretty colors, it is the women of the two for it allows itself to just be erased without much resistance. although pencils can't cook.
It is a well known fact among residents of the ghetto of Pyongyang, a city in northeastern Germany, that smoking pencils can cause people to adopt the views of the German National Socialist Worker's party, more commonly known as the Nazi's or to everyone captured by the Nazi's... The Fascist Bastards. These thoughts may lead to the need to eat camel's humps while driving a car on top of an elephant.
It has been proven by 18 non-existent historians that it was a pencil, not Osama Bin-Laden, who actually crashed a plane into the Sear's tower in Massachusetts, where owner Sony Ericson from Japan was visiting, tragically killing both the piece of crap walkman cell phone, and his wife who happened to be eating a sterio at the time. In fact, all of the worlds terrorist organizations are secretly made up of pencils who use extremist humans to carry out their evil plots. Because of this discovery, a group of concerned Ohioans have created the Humans Offering Lemon Yo-Yo's to Highly Evil Lucrative Leotards! Better known as HOLY HELL...Batman! Will the members of HOLY HELL be able to unveil the malicious pencil plot? Only time will tell.
SEE ALSO: Inanimate
