Pen Island

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Pen Island2
A picture postcard from Pen Island.
“Oh, I've been to Pen Island, but it's never been to me”
~ "Charlene," from her Top-40 song's original lyrics

Pen Island is a magical, knobby island known for its glorious, writing tools. Many skinny, smooth, liquid-filled appendages fill this beautiful oasis. It is a mysterious and wonderful place that, like Atlantis, exists somewhere off the coast of a well-known landmass. Though no reliable sources state a firm location of its pleasurable, milky-white shores, it is believed to be in the Philippenis. Calligrapher Milos Cubra is the caretaker of Pen Island, renowned for unusual natural endowments. His personal quill is the biggest on the island.

History

No Wikipedia
Because of their incurable biases, the so-called experts at Wikipedia will probably never have an article about Pen Island. We are sorry they insist on being this lame.
Penisland
An aerial photo of Pen Island.

Founded and named after famous singer Cece "Pen" Iston, the location of Pen Island remained known only during the flash-in-the-pan that was its founder's life; and in their later years the information never traveled off a certain Home for the Insane. In Cece's final attempt to locate Pen Island anew, she was involved in a freak accident involving large amounts of liquor and a Glock with the serial number scratched off.

Geography

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The mighty, virgin forests of Pen Island.

The geography of Pen Island is not well known, and such sketchy testimonials as we have from those who claimed to have reached the island may be nothing more than wet dreams.

Most agree that the the southwestern "tip" or "head" of the island, as well as the extended, central "shaft" are dominated by the unique forests of pennish trees (pictured), which, by the nature of evolution, mirror the geography of the island itself. However, the more elevated, double-walnut-shaped "base" of the island is mostly made up of round, rocky hills, with more of the pennish trees scattered about; these are coarse and curled. The slippery sides of Pen Island are often irritated from the constant motion of the ocean, in and out, in and out, and are therefore often raw.

Other Pen Islands

Pen Island is not to be confused with Penis Land, despite the similar spelling. Sadly, on Pen Island grammar and penmanship are only taught in the breech, and few students make their inter-word spaces broad enough to break a sentence into words.

Michigan is a place with two Pen Isulas. These are also hoary appendages; one dangles off from Wisconsin and the other shoots up from the twin jewels of Indiana and Ohio. When older residents of the "Wolverine State" find that their Upper Penisulas are getting lower, they may take the magical little purple pill known as Viagra.

See also

Quebecsnow
Countries and territories of North America
America: United States of America | Confederate States of America
Canada: Canada | Canadia | People's Republic of Canada | Canada States
Everyone else: Awesome land | Not So Awesome Land | Barbados | Cuba | Dominican Republic | Haiti | Jamaica | Mexico | Tortuga | Trinidad and Tobago
Dependencies
Acadia | Bermuda Triangle | Duchy of Björk | British Virgin Islands | Caribbean | Cayman Islands | Greenland | Gulf of Mexico | Martinique | Monkey Island | Orgasm | Pen Island | St. Pierre and Miquelon | Puerto Rico | Québec | Tropico | U.S. Virgin Islands | Wikiland
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