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Pedobear is not only an international celebrity and cultural icon, he is the most famous bear in history. His accomplishments are too great for one article, so more information is here.

edit The President, The Hunt, and The Fire

Urinating fountain

Sculptor's interpretation of Pedobear, sans bear suit, extinguishing the fire.

In November 1902, United States President Theodore "Pedo"[1] Roosevelt was invited to a bear-hunting trip by the governor of Mississippi. The hunting party did not know that Benjamin Franklin-Oldkirk, an ancestor of PETA founder Ingrid Newkirk, had only joined the party to save the bears. While away from the rest, he found a young bear cub that had exceptionally large, round ears. He disguised the bear as a boy by dressing it in a long-armed, long-legged union suit he'd hidden in his backpack.

The hunting party also didn't know that a chapter of the anti-black, anti-Union KKK (Kanine Kennel Klub)[2] had started a fire to frighten away American Black Bears.

A horrible fire broke out. Franklin-Oldkirk, descendant of the American Revolutionist Benjamin Franklin who created the Union Fire Company, led a valiant fire fighting effort. But he ran out of water, and became trapped in a deadly circle of fire. He was certain he was doomed.

But then he saw a small brown bear with exceptionally large, round ears. It was wearing clothing, but the bear's outfit had no sleeves, legs or back. Franklin-Oldkirk knew it was the cub he had rescued, and realized its clothing had been damaged in the fire. Then the baby bear stood on its hind legs, and start urinating. Fortunately, the fire had also burned off the crotch of the union suit. The bear pee was enough to extinguish a break in the circular wall of flame, and Franklin-Oldkirk escaped. He picked up the bear, and ran all the way back to camp.

Trbear1

Clifford Berryman drawing of President Roosevelt "saving" Pedobear.

But the animal friend knew the hunting party would kill any bear they found. So he claimed "it's not a bear, just a lost young boy in a bear suit. With a burnt union suit over that. Really. He peed on the roaring flames and saved my life. You believe me, right?"[3]

Franklin-Oldkirk claimed the "orphan boy" wouldn't remove the bear suit because it was the last birthday present he received from his parents and because it covered scars caused by the fire. But the bear rescuer knew that the first time someone gave the "boy" a bath, the secret would be exposed.

Knowing his wife Ingrid was as concerned about animals as he was, he told her the bear's secret. She agreed to keep the secret and the bear. The couple legally adopted the five-year-old bear in 1903, and named him Tee Pee after the president's initials.

Thus began the fame, and the secret, of Pedobear.[4]

edit Santa Claus

Santa Claus Pedobear

According to a 1990 international Gallup Poll, Santa Claus, Pedobear and Jesus were the three people that parents most wanted to watch their children while they're sleeping. (Jesus was not available for this photo)

Clifford Berryman drew an extremely popular if inaccurate cartoon of Roosevelt saving the "boy in a bear suit." Rose and Morris Michtom respectfully created and promoted a cuddly version of the "bear cub," which they named after the president, calling the toy Teddy Pedo's Bear. Unfortunately, many children had trouble pronouncing the long name, and thus didn't ask for it. Consequently, the toy did not sell well.

Then one foggy Christmas Eve, Santa Claus came to the Michtom Toy Company (later called the Ideal Toy Company). Due to loud protests and scuffles during the 1903 Elf Workers Strike, St. Nicolas snuck out after sundown and rushed to purchase some last-minutes Christmas gifts. But he was gravely concerned over the safety of his sleigh. He feared that elves would steal it at the last minute, preventing him from making his annual run. In a request that has since become famous, Santa pleaded with Rose and Morris, "Rude elves with their noisy fight, won't you hide my sleigh tonight?"[5]

As his reading glasses were fogged up, Santa couldn't make out the list of toys he needed. Reading, he said, "and I need five dozen Teddy Fred, Dead, Head, what's that say? Teddy something." Rose said "Pedo's bear?" "That's the name," said Santa. "Give me five dozen pedobears." The name stuck like virgin honey to a bear's paw. The popularity of the "stuffed boy toy in a bear suit" spread like butter. Children all across America pleaded "I want to do cuddles with Pedobear!"

The toy pedobear (occasionally called "teddy bear") is now one of the best-selling toys in both the Western and Eastern world. A 2008 report in National Geographic said that in Japan it has become a sacred private Shinto ritual for men to symbolically introduce young girls to pedobear.

edit Mime

In Japan in 1999 under the direction of Hiroyuki Nishimura, Pedobear teamed with Michael Jackson to become the 2Chan Mimes. Jackson performed mime in the traditional white face, while Pedobear was a bear-faced mime. According to The Encyclopedia of All World Knowledge, they chose "'2' because they were a couple of entertainers; 'mime' because they used body movements to tell a story without using speech; and "chan" because it is an affectionate honorific used primarily for children and lovers."

In 2003, a 15-year-old known only as "moot" held a secret meeting where Pedobear and Jackson met with fellow performers Pee-wee Herman and Billy Ray Cyrus in moot's bedroom. As a result of that meaning, the group became 4Chan Mimes. They later expanded to become 7Chan Mimes, which expanded to become the current 420Chan Mimes.

Pedobear 5 versions

Pedobear as drawn by Clifford Berryman (1903), Walt Disney (1928), Otto Messmer (1954), Hanna-Barbera (1975), and Kuma Chan (2009).

edit Foot notes

  1. The American president's original middle name was "Pedro," but he changed to the more Anglicized version "Pedo" during the 1898 Spanish–American War.
  2. According to a representative of the Kanine Kennel Klub, the modern day pet registry is not "opposed to black, brown, red or green animals. We are a pet registry that stresses racial purity, and are opposed to coloreds mating with white animals, or taking them out to dinner."
  3. The brown bear's heroic peeing led to the naming of an island in his honor, the Brown Bear's Pee Island. The name was later shortened to Brownsea Island. It also inspired online encyclopedias such as Uncyclopedia to extinguish problems in articles by doing Pee Reviews.
  4. Because of his heroic peeing on the wildfire and his middle name, the "boy" bear was sometimes called Peebear, but the name did not catch on.
  5. Santa later filed a copyright suit against songwriter Johnny Marks who rewrote Santa's words for the lyrics in his song "Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer" as "Rudolph, with your nose so bright, won't you guide my sleigh tonight?"
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