Peaches Geldof

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Peaches Geldof

Peaches Geldof has been voted 57th sexiest woman in the world, a few notches behind Hillary Clinton.

“She's always climbing out of Bungalow 8...”
“I'm a fashion model, a journalist, and I'm a TV presenter as well...did I mention my Dad's Bob Geldof?”
~ Peaches Geldof on herself
“Even I hate her--Why else would I name her after a fruit I'm allergic to?”
~ Bob Geldof on his daughter

Peaches Geldof is a well-known celebrity (in Britain, anyway, where she no longer lives) and the daughter of Bob Geldof. She is known for her extravagant corgi-buying lifestyle and is a friend of Alexa Chung and Daisy Lowe. She has not attained the notoriety of Paris Hilton but is still living proof that money can't buy you everything, such as good upbringing. She writes an advice column in a magazine.

Peaches has a middle name. It is Honeyblossom. No kidding. She has 2.5 sisters with names like Pixie, Trixibelle, and Heavenly--something to think about when you're convinced it can't get any weirder.

Upbringing

Peaches' father, Bob Geldof, was out raising awareness and changing the world for most of her childhood. We can only speculate that this left her craving male attention in her formative years. When Peaches was ten, her alleged mother, Paula Yates, died of a lethal dose of happy arm injections. This may have left Peaches craving male or female attention. It certainly influenced her to resolve never ever ever to take any drug not medically necessary.

Media career: The immature years

As a teenager, Peaches filmed a short TV series to commemorate the fact she was a teenager. The show, named Teenage Brine, sent Peaches to a "fishing boat, helping, like, tuna fishermen catch, like, tuna to put in, um, like, tins for people, like, to eat." Peaches encouraged the fishermen and eventually got the chance to catch her own tuna. The show flopped almost as vigorously as that dying fish.

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Peaches Geldof.

Undeterred by this early bombshell, Peaches asked father Bob to take time out from his busy concert and helping-the-poor schedule to create a show especially for her. A year later, Peaches would star in The Apprentice. In the show's early stages, however, viewers bombarded BBC with incisive reviews, such as "Fire Peaches!" and "Dump that bitch!" Eventually, Sir Alan Sugar bowed to the public outcry. He deviated from his signature "you're fired!" catchphrase, and simply told Peaches she was canned.

Peaches refused to leave, had a tantrum, and then, when her Daddy had her back in their scented limousine, asked him to get her a job as editor of critically acclaimed fashion magazine Polyester.

Personal life

Peaches always enjoys falling out of clubs in the early hours of the morning, accompanied by friends, sisters or boyfriends. This alone has ostracised her from the rest of London's population (some of whom, after all, have jobs) and explains the daily anger directed at her by the English public.

Peaches has had an amazing string of boyfriends for someone so blatant about the fact she is married. Recent conquests have included:

  • Fred Lesbian,
  • Faris Madman,
  • Joe Lean and his Jing, Jang and Jong,
  • Noel Fielding.

Happily, Peaches' recent move to the States spares innocent Londoners the spectacle of Peaches lying face-down on the kerb.

In August 2008, Peaches went to Las Vegas and married Max Drummey, an aptly named drummer for an American rock band. While in town, they were able to get each other's name tattooed on their bodies--Just in case we forget--an inscription that has lasted longer than the six months that their marriage did.

In March 2010, she was reported to be dating Eli Roth. Again, six months later, she wasn't.

In late 2010, she hosted a televison show on ITV3. This programme was shown only once due to the number of incidents in which people spontaneously combusted within 1 hour of watching it. After the last person died, members of parliment voted to bury the recordings in lead. They are being stored somewhere under guard in Yorkshire.

For the sake of public health, Ms Geldof is currently kept in the Tower of London along with Davina McCall and Chris Moyles.

Recreational Fruits
Stimulants

Bonana | Fig | Grape | Kiwi | Lemon | Orange | Tomato

Depressants

Coconut | Olive | Onion | Pear

Psychedelics

Grapefruit | Guava | Peach | Raspberry | Strawberry | Watermelon

Commonly Mistaken for Fruit

Apple | Clementine Attlee | Don Cherry | Peaches Geldof | Pineapple titties | Styrofoam | Utah |

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