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Pavement were an unbearably-indie-rock band from Stockton, California. Forming in 1989, the band were mildly-popular throughout the USA, before throwing in the towel in 1999. Despite moderate success, Pavement were never on a music label at all. Rock pundits have often put the band's success down to the band's dashing good looks, the lead singer's status as a powerful religious figure, and the fact that between 1990-1999, 47% of the USA was buying, selling, or making, hallucinogenic drugs.
Humble Beginnings, Dismantle the Candlemaker
Pavement formed in Stockton-on-Tees, United Kingdom, in 1989. Drink partners and ex-car salesmen Stephen Malkmus and Scott 'Sick Staircase' Kannberg met to record their first album, Dismantle the Candlemaker. Recorded with aging hippie, raging alcoholic, and mysterious drummer Gary Young at Kannberg's mansion, the album went Super-Platinum-With-Cheese, earning all three millions of dollars (Canadian) each by 1992. While the Kannberg and Young tried to explain that the success was caused be the album's groundbreaking bad quality, Malkmus, and everybody else, agreed that the success was surely down to the fact that Malkmus himself had been uncovered as 'The Second Coming', a powerful religious choco-phenomenon.
Unimaginable Success, Mirror, Mirror
Spurred on by the success, Malkmus fired the 'unsettlingly ugly' Young in favor for three newcomers, bass player Mark Ibold, drummer Barry Gibb, and tax-returner Bob Nastanovich. The newly-reformed settled down in 1993 to write their second album, Mirror, Mirror. An album full of songs about brown hair, chiselled chins, and big penises, Mirror, Mirror was, as predicted, a huge hit, going Mega-Super-Platium-With-Cheese-Hold-The-Pickles. "I wrote the songs about myself," commented Malkmus in an interview in 1994.
New Name, New Album, Simply Malkmus
After the further success of the previous album, and Malkmus' growth as a religious choco-phenomenon, the band once again re-entered the recording studio in 1995, but this time under the name Malkmus. Malkmus had opted to rename the band, stating in various interviews that he was the band, and the band was him. "You're all talentless pricks. Except me. So buy my, I mean, our..." stated Malkmus in 1995, "..buy my album".
The product of the recording process was Simply Malkmus, a 2-CD, 4-LP album that covered an array of musical perspectives, eclectically mixing the band's previous indie-rock efforts with gangsta rap, traditional native american music, and christian gospel. The album was promoted with a world tour, taking the band's music to such far-away, unimportant places such as Nigeria, Kent, and Wales. The album went Mega-Super-Double-Platinum-With-Cheese-Hold-The-Pickles-Extra-Mustard.
Creative Differences, Dreamboat Kannberg, I Can't Believe It's Not Malkmus- Oh, wait, it is!
While the band was touring in Nigeria, Scott 'Sick Staircase' Kannberg was overcome by an 'overwhelming spiritual experience'. Kannberg, in his own words, explained that after seeing 'this many Black People', he had discovered a new-found disrespect for White People. Kannberg reportedly wrote many songs on the subject, but the efforts were shelved in favor of another Malkmus-centered album. The album, I Can't Belive It's Not Malkmus- Oh, wait, it is!, released in 1997, hit Mega-Super-Duper-Double-Platinum-With-Cheese-Hold-The-Pickles-Extra-Mustard-Do-You-Want-Fries-With-That?.
The Inevitable Breakup, Solo Careers, The Story of The Malkmus
Following the release of the band's final album-to-be, The Story of The Malkmus, which went Mega-Super-Duper-Triple-Platinum-With-Cheese-Hold-The-Pickles-Extra-Mustard-Do-You-Want-Fries-With-That?-No-Thanks-I'll-Just-Have-A-Milkshake after it's release in 1999, the band broke up.
Citing creative differences, Scott 'Sick Staircase' Kannberg left, to form his critically acclaimed band, Sick Nigger. Ibold and Nastanovich left shortly afterwards, stating that Malkmus' ego had become 'ridiculously huge' due to his success. Afterwards, Barry Gibb was told to stop snivelling, and to that he might as well just go home.
Malkmus, unaffected, embarked on a solo career of his own (see Stephen Malkmus). Mark Ibold now owns a pony farm in Kentuckistan. Bob Nastanovich is now a full-time Dog Racing pundit, and owns several big-winning Greyhounds. Barry Gibb is reported to have formed the tastefully named Hardcore group Spastic Bastard, as well is collaborating with his brothers in a project tentatively titled 'The Bee Gees'.
- All the members of Pavement/Malkmus are married. Barry Gibb has seventeen children.
- Malkmus purportedly married a teenage girl from Florida, whom he calls "my ho". "My ho" is the famous nickname Ibold gave Conor Oberst during their brief friendship during the making of Dismantle the Candlemaker.
- Did you know that Scott Kannberg's house is bright yellow?
- When the band was touring for Dismantle the Candlemaker, Malkmus performed in several shows wearing nothing but clothes.
- Steve Shelley, Mayor, King, Sheriff, and Prime Minister of The Land of Chocolate, managed the band for the Mirror, Mirror tour.
- Bob Nastanovich pays off his gambling debts by funding a seedy pyramid scheme in Tennessee.
- Mark Ibold is a man's man.
- No he isn't.
- Yes, he is!
- Don't mess with me, man. I know what the fuck I'm talking about.
- It is widely known that Mark Ibold has cut Malkmus' face out of all the photos in his scrapbook.
- Malkmus likes PONIES?!?1
- Scott Kannberg has webbed feet.
- Pavement are local ape-boy Adam Peter Evans-Labrie's favourite band. Apart from Iced Earth, of course.
- Dismantle the Candlemaker, No Shit Records, 1992.
- Mirror, Mirror, Malkmus Records, 1994.
- Simply Malkmus, Malkmus Records, 1995.
- I Can't Believe It's Not Malkmus- Oh, wait, it is!, Malkmus Records, 1997.
- Story of The Malkmus, Malkmus Records, 1999.
- Gay Tracks, No Dick Records, 1990.
- Straight Tracks, No Pussy Records, 1990.
- Railroad Tracks, No Shit Records, 1993.
- You Call That A Penis?, Malkmus Records, 1995.
- Backstreet Blowjobs #6 O.S.T, Malkmus Records, 1997.
- Wingtip Fever, No Shit Records, 1992.
- Shavin Pubez, Malkmus Records, 1994.
- Sha-La-La, Malkmus Records, 1994.
- Doo-Doo-Doo, Malkmus Records, 1995.
- Doo-Wop, Malkmus Records, 1997.
- I Wish I Had Stayed In Car Sales, Malkmus Records, 1997.
- Malkmus Concerto Movement #3, Malkmus Records, 1999.
- At Home With Malkmus, Malkmus AV, 1995.
- Backstreet Blowjobs #1, Malkmus AV, 1997.
- Backstreet Blowjobs #2, Malkmus AV, 1997.
- Backstreet Blowjobs #3, Malkmus AV, 1997.
- Backstreet Blowjobs #4, Malkmus AV, 1997.
- Backstreet Blowjobs #5, Malkmus AV, 1997.
- Backstreet Blowjobs #6, Malkmus AV, 1997.
- Malkmus Pumps Iron, Malkmus AV, 1999.