Paul Thomson

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

A very hungry Paul Thomson, Trying to eat his microphone

Paul Thomson (born Paul Robert Nest-man Thomson, 15 September 1976, Glasgow, Scotland) is the drummer for a very cheesey Glasgow based band, Franz Ferdinand. It is noted that Thomson has overcome a lot to be where he is today, including depression, failed jobs and loss of fat from his crack.

edit Early Days

Being a Young Scottish lad, Thomson was always intrested in music and from a young age, he had the ability to play drums, guitar and the bagpipes. Thomson had a natural ability to play drums, and in the early 1990's he had his first big break with a band called 'The Yummy Fur'. In an interview, Thomson reavilied that the band was called this because he had an obsession with eating Fur off his grandmothers carpet. He claimed this Fur was 'Yummy'.

The Band were relativley successful until they broke up after a large argument involving a plastic cowboy. After the break-up, Thomson joined a few crap bands with cheesey names, but no matter how cheesey things got, Thomson's life began to slowly decline.

edit Money and Depression

Thomson was out of luck, he had very little money and was running out of food. He was also struggling to pay his rent. For some strange reason, Thomson decided he would try out DJ-ing. But he failed miserably when only one person turned up to his first gig, this person happened to be his mother!

Next Thomson decided to go to the Glasgow School Of Art, because he heard all members received free meals, but it was here, he was approached by an Indian teacher named Bilbo. Bilbo asked Thomson if he was interested in working as a nude model. Thomson accepted,
For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Paul Thomson.
But as soon as he stripped off, it was revealed that Thomson had a massive spot on his left nipple. It was the most disgusting thing anyone had seen in their life. Bilbo gave Thomson £70 to get rid of the spot, He spent it on Fur.
Paul thomson

Unfortunately for Paul, These were the only sunglasses he could afford.

Paul was extremely depressed at this point and didn't have enough money to pay his rent. After a night of begging, Paul came home in tears. He took a pair of scissors out of his top draw, pulled down his trousers and chopped a big lump of fat off his ass. He kept the lump of fat in a jar and the next day he sold the fat to medical Science for £250. This was possibly because he couldn't be 'arsed' to work.

edit Franz Ferdinand

edit Miscellaneous

Despite his earlier DJ-ing problems, Paul and his wife (yes he has a wife!) Esther have been DJ-ing together under the name Polyester (The name Polyester is made up of the two names Paul and Esther put together! That's clever isn't it?).

Paul has a large gap in his teeth. It is believed the reason for this came about during a game of tiddlywinks. One of the counters viciously struck him in the tooth, causing it to fall out.

Despite the band being Scottish, Paul is the only member in the band from Scotland. This other band members often make fun of him for this and apparently, the song 'Outsiders' was written about him.

Thomson keeps a burger chart. He goes round the world buying burgers and rates them out of 10 on cheesiness, colour and smell of the dump he has after eating them.

edit See also

Personal tools