Paul Joseph Watson

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Talking over a world map in the background clearly must mean one is smart.

Paul Joseph Watson (born 24 May 1982) is an English conservative conspiracy theorist, radio host, comedian, YouTube vlogger, and musician. He is best known as the co-creator of the virtual band International Conspiracy alongside renowned Infowars radio host Alex Jones.

edit Early life


A younger, sprightlier, and seemingly greasier-haired Watson.

Watson was created in 1982 by an overzealous Paul is dead believer working inside the British intelligence service. The agent behind this was eventually sacked, and the clone was ordered to be terminated. Watson's adoptive parents The Campbells, however, launched a ten-year legal battle to save their son, and the government was eventually forced to drop its case. This experience left young Watson permanently distrusting of governments, as well as leaving him with a burning hatred of tacky drama.

Watson would graduate from Cambridge University in 2004 with a doctorate in Conspiracy Philosophy. Due to a bizarre loophole in the 'top-up fees' laws passed by Tony Blair's Labour government, Watson was forced to raise money for his tuition through stand-up comedy. When he finally got his degree, he had already been established as one of the greatest names in political comedy in Britain.

The earliest years of Watson's life still remain a mystery. Whilst some contend that he spent a great deal of his youth currying the favor of young lords and lasses on Derbyshire at Kent, many research specialists (or "Watson-ites") maintain the theory that Watson is actually a member of the mythical "Clan McLeod", as made popular in the Highlander film series.

edit Work with Alex Jones

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article very remotely related to Paul Joseph Watson.

In 2002, Watson was invited as a guest star on Infowars, the radio show of American conspiracy theorist Alex Jones. It was such a success that Watson eventually was given a permanent spot on the show writing material for Jones to take the credit for. Mostly stuff about how 7/7 was as much of a fuck up as 9/11. Their time together would be the start of a series of collaborations.

Later, the two would host a series of punch and judy game shows. The first of these, Prison Planet, featured contestants trying to escape from a specially-designed Orwellian prison to win a 10p prize. While only two of the eight contestants are believed to have survived, the show was so popular that Watson and Jones would go on to host the highly successful quiz shows Propaganda Matrix, Who Wants to Win a Water-filter, Take My Mexican, and Shilling for Gold.

Watson currently holds the world record for the most prolific use of the phrase "Wake up" in any single sentence (412 repetitions), beating the previous record holder Lord Alex's paltry 61.

edit International Conspiracy

In 2005, Watson and Jones launched their newest project, the International Conspiracy, a virtual band meant to rival the highly popular Gorillaz. Their debut album, Airstrip One, 1984, failed to rival Gorillaz's Demon Days album, however. In light of this, Watson began work on a play to promote the band, entitled the Global Conspiracy Tour, starring himself and Alex Jones going on a road trip with David Icke, to see the International Conspiracy on tour.

edit Relationship with the alt-right

During Donald Trump's election campaign, Watson embraced the infamous "alt-right" and considered himself a part of the movement, apparently oblivious to its racist elements. Watson had believed the genuine neo-Nazis were a "tiny, vocal, fringe minority of the alt-right." Shortly after Trump's election victory, Watson began distancing himself from the alt-right when he realised many of them blamed the Jews for everything bad in the world and were not overly fond of non-white people. He then dismissed the alt-right as "right-wing SJWs."

Since November 2016, Watson has completely rejected the label and seems to now hate being associated with the movement. Not one to shy away from a conspiracy, he has suggested alt-right figure Richard Spencer may be an FBI informant similar to Hal Turner.

edit Personal life

Watson's favorite hobbies include fighting the New World Order, stamp collecting, Azerbaijan cuisine, and trying on silly hats. Watson also makes it a habit of overusing the phrase "Imagine my shock!".

Watson is most widely known for his successes in the annual "Mr Oilyverse" competition which he has won for last seven years in a row. As a consequence of his legendary greasiness, it has been suggested that Watson is almost entirely resistant to friction; his primary source of income comes from harvesting his copious hair-grease which is used to make WD40.

edit See also

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