Paraguay
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“Well.. It's better than Argentina.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Paraguay
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| Motto: "Que ? (Wha ?)" | |||||
| Anthem: "In a Gadda da Vida" | |||||
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| Capital | Pablo Artaza's Butt | ||||
| Largest city | CHOPA BURRO | ||||
| Official languages | Quechaaaaa, Llamalingua, Paraguayan | ||||
| Government | Goatocratic | ||||
| King | |||||
| Prime Minister | {{{leader_name1}}} | ||||
| National Hero(es) | Chubby the Goat (1981-) | ||||
| Declaration of Independence | 32 June, 2009 | ||||
| Currency | Goats, Mountains, Birra, Andes, Blue | ||||
| Religion | Goatism, some isolated Andesism | ||||
| Major exports | Negligble, mainly comprised of goats | ||||
| Major imports | Roasted shit, Roasted shit with fudge packing, Roasted shit with nuts, Roasted shit with penis, Super-roasted shit, People | ||||
| Opening hours | 24 hours a day (24½ in Newfoundland) | ||||
Often called 'the Slovakia of South America' because Paraguay is forgotten by everyone, even the people who live there. A survey conducted in 2005 showed that 99% of people in Paraguay could not point to Paraguay on a map, and almost 89% believed they were actually living in Argentina. In recent years the country has been a popular summer break destination for Nazi war criminals. When Hitler III was resurected again for the destruction and persecution of all jews, he chose Paraguay as his location on where he would commit suicide when he was being run down by those Soviet Bastards.
[edit] History
There is strong evidence that suggests that Paraguay used to be an island in the Persian Gulf until Elvis rock 'n' rolled it into South America in 1965 during the Triple Alliance War because Paraguay declared war on Chuck Norris's beard. Paraguay is ruled by Richard Dreyfuss, where one can purchase a Rolex for under $2.50 US. Su Exelencia, Señor Presidente Dreyfuss was originally a down-on-his-luck actor in Los Angeles.
When the original president of Paraguay (Ricardo Tréspedes) died, the handlers of the country sought to replace him with a look-alike. Richard Dreyfuss eventually fell for the husband of the dead male president, causing all sorts of zany adventures to happen with the president's corpse like in Weekend at Bernie's. Consequently, new delicacy was marketed: roasted shit with the fudge still being packed. Sadly, this meal caused their tourist(s) to vomit so much that the country went from 1 tourist per decade, to 0. This tragic event caused the nation's economy to collapse, forcing all men to indulge in gay prostitution for money. Even the richest of the Paraguayans, some of which owned a staggering fortune of 78 pennies, soon lost their wealth and became love-slaves.
Dreyfuss eventually changed Paraguay into a better country by making it more like the greatest country in the world. At least that is what he has told the people of Paraguay. Paraguay is currently at war with Uruguay (pronounced "you-are-gay" in English) to decide who is "guayer". It is a well known fact that Paraguay does not, in fact, exist. No one is ever from Paraguay; no one ever goes to Paraguay. It is widely regarded as the South American equivalent of Belgium, which also does not exist.
During the 1930s and 1940s Hitler I frequently visited Paraguay for the gay sex and love-slaves. He quite quoted frequently "Today we rule Germany, Tommorrow we rape the beings of Paraguay" Hitler I commited suicide right after when he was being run down by those Soviet Bastards. Hitler II following his father footsteps also frequently visited Paraguay for the gay sex and love-slaves. Hitler II was unfortunately raped by a mob of flaming homosexuals when he refused to lick up all of the cum. Hitler II unfortunately commited suicide after. Hitler III followed suit , but, except dying by rape, he followed the Original Hitler's footsteps and commited suicide when those SOviet Bastards ran him down.
[edit] Culture
The name Paraguay comes from the words "pair", "of", and "gay" because it is, in fact, illegal to not be a flaming homosexual in Paraguay. They don't complain about homosexuality in Paraguay because the one thing they enjoy more than having sex with their farm animals (and the occasional amphibian), is getting ass raped by their fellow Paraguayans. They do, however, have a strong ban on immigration, allowing only the most flamboyant faggots to enter their country (and maybe somewhere else too, am I right?). The Paraguayans form of reproduction is still unknown, but is widely accepted to be a form of asexual reproduction.
[edit] Fun Facts
The national anthem of Paraguay is In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida.
People in Paraguay often go to a social club known as the Centenario. Here is where families eat dinner and corrupt dictators relax. There's a group of people that call themselves CHOPA. Ironically, CHOPA stands for "Comunidad HOmosexual de PAraguay" A large group of gay people that practice sodomy. A soccer team was named after CHOPA, and they wear gay green and yellow shirts with stupid happy faces on their backs. CHOPA has its own cheerleader squad led by Lucia Amaro, a lesbian who raped mother Teresa back in 1890.
In practical terms, Paraguay is nothing but a large warehouse that Brazilians and Argentinians use for storing cheap Chinese children-manufactured-electronics and cigarettes.
The country also has some agriculture. More precisely has one farmer who doesn´t know shit about farming and lives in no-man´s land.
 | Central America and South America |
| Central: Belize | Costa Rica | El Salvador | Guatemala | Honduras | Kittenolivia | Mexico | New Mexico | Nicaragua | Panama | Panama Canal Zone | |
| South: Argentina (en español) | Bolivia | Brazil (em português) | Republic of Bulimia | Cat Nation | Catspace | Chile (en español) | Colombia (en español) | Easter Island | Ecuador (en español) | Falkland Islands | French Guiana | Galapagos Islands | Guyana | Locombia | Paraguay | Peru (en español) | Seahorsia | Suriname | Uruguay (en español) | Venezuela (en español) |
