Paradox

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{{Other uses}}
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{{Further|List of paradoxes}}
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A '''paradox''' is a [[:wikt:statement|statement]] or group of statements that leads to a [[contradiction]] or a situation which (if true) defies logic or reason, similar to [[circular reasoning]]. Typically, however, quoted paradoxical statements do not imply a real contradiction and the puzzling results can be rectified by demonstrating that one or more of the [[premise]]s themselves are not really true, a play on words, faulty and/or cannot all be true together. But many paradoxes, such as [[Curry's paradox]], do not yet have universally accepted resolutions. The word ''paradox'' is often used interchangeably with ''[[contradiction]]''. Literary and other artistic uses of paradoxes imply no contradiction and may be used to describe situations that are [[ironic]].<ref>http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/irony</ref> Sometimes the term ''paradox'' is used for situations that are merely surprising. An example of a paradox is "This statement is false.", and is explained below.
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{{crimethink}}
   
The logician [[Willard V. O. Quine]] distinguishes:
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{{wikipedia}}
* ''Falsidical paradoxes'', which are seemingly valid, [[Absurdity|logical demonstrations of absurdities]]
 
* ''Veridical paradoxes'', such as the [[birthday paradox]] or the [[Monty Hall paradox]], which are seeming absurdities that are nevertheless true because they are perfectly logical.<ref>{{cite book |title=The Ways of Paradox and Other Essays |chapter=The Ways of Paradox |first=Willard |last=Van Orman Quine |authorlink=W. V. O. Quine |year=1966 |publisher=Random House |page=5}}</ref>
 
   
Paradoxes in [[economics]] tend to be the veridical type, typically counterintuitive outcomes of economic theory, such as [[Simpson's paradox]]. In [[literature]] a paradox can be any [[contradictory]] or obviously untrue statement, which resolves itself upon later [[inspection]].
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[[Image:2-two-docks-420.jpg|right|thumb|300px|For those who learn more through visual aids, this is a pair o' docks.]]
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{{Q|Procrastination isn't the problem, it's the solution. So procrastinate now, don't put it off|Ellen DeGeneres}}
   
==Logical paradox==
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{{Q|They contradict!|[[Captain Obvious]]|Paradoxes}}
{{See also|List of paradoxes}}
 
Common themes in paradoxes include [[self-reference]], [[infinite regress]], [[circular definition]]s, and confusion between different levels of [[abstraction]].
 
   
[[Patrick Hughes (artist)|Patrick Hughes]] outlines three laws of the paradox:<ref>{{HughesBrecht1975|1–8}}</ref>
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This article is not about paradoxes.
;Self-reference: An example is "This statement is false", a form of the [[liar paradox]]. The statement is referring to itself. Another example of self-reference is the question of whether the barber shaves himself in the [[barber paradox]]. One more example would be "Is the answer to this question no?" In this case, replying no would be stating that the answer ''is not'' "no". If the reply is yes, it would be stating that it ''is'' "no", as the reply was yes. But because the question was answered with a "yes", the answer is not "no". A negative response without saying the word "no", like "it isn't", would, however, render the question answered without bringing about a paradox. Another example is the term 'Nothing is Impossible', meaning that it is possible for something to be impossible, thus contradicting itself.
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<!--Remember to link ALL paradoxes.-->
;Contradiction: "This statement is false"; the statement cannot be false and true at the same time.
 
;Vicious circularity, or infinite regress: "This statement is false"; if the statement is true, then the statement is false, thereby making the statement true. Another example of vicious circularity is the following group of statements:
 
:: "The following sentence is true."
 
:: "The previous sentence is false."
 
:: "What happens when [[Pinocchio]] says, 'My nose will grow now'?"
 
   
Other paradoxes involve [[false statement]]s or [[half-truths]] and the resulting [[cognitive bias|biased]] assumptions. This form is common in [[Howler (error)|howlers]].
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==[[Infinity]] Paradoxes==
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{{main|Infinite recursion}}
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[[Image:Pairofducks.jpg|thumb|right|250|A pair o' ducks.]]
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*[[Paradox (Achilles and the Tortoise)|Zeno's Paradox]]: If you want to win a race, have a head start.
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*[[Why is there no channel one?|Channel one paradox]]: There are no numbers.
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*[[1=2]]: There is only 1 number... and it ''isn't'' Numberwang.
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*[[Toilet Paper Paradox]]: You will never finish a roll of toilet paper.
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*[[#The Soda Paradox|Soda Paradox]]: If you start to drink, you will never stop.
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*[[Hot Paradox]]: The hotter someone is, the uglier they are, and vice-versa to infinity.
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*Asshole Paradox: The more [[you]] piss me off, the more [[me|I]] kick your ass.
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*More Infinite than the other Paradox: If there are infinite numbers and there are also infinite prime numbers how can one be infinite if there are more of one than the other?
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*The Kevin Bacon Paradox: the more movies Kevin Bacon makes, the more I want to slash my wrists. Is it possible to hack through the bone?
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*The Aquafresh Paradox: "With Mummy's help, I can brush my teeth all by myself!" also commonly known as the rarely used statement, "I can brush my teeth all by myself with help from a grown up!"
   
For example, consider a situation in which a father and his son are driving down the road. The car crashes into a tree and the father is killed. The boy is rushed to the nearest hospital where he is prepared for emergency [[surgery]]. On entering the surgery suite, the surgeon says, "I can't operate on this boy. He's my son."
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==WTF? Paradoxes==
   
The apparent paradox is caused by a [[hasty generalization]], for if the surgeon is the boy's father, the statement cannot be true. The paradox is resolved if it is revealed that the surgeon is a woman, the boy's mother.
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The following statement is true:
   
Paradoxes which are not based on a hidden error generally happen at the fringes of context or [[language]], and require extending the context or language to lose their paradoxical quality. Paradoxes that arise from apparently intelligible uses of language are often of interest to [[logic]]ians and [[philosopher]]s. ''This sentence is false'' is an example of the famous [[liar paradox]]: it is a sentence which cannot be consistently interpreted as true or false, because if it is known to be false then it is known that it must be true, and if it is known to be true then it is known that it must be false. Therefore, it can be concluded that it is [[Four valued logic|unknowable]]. [[Russell's paradox]], which shows that the notion of ''the [[set (mathematics)|set]] of all those sets that do not contain themselves'' leads to a contradiction, was instrumental in the development of modern logic and [[set theory]].
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The above statement is false.
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*Your mission is not to accept the mission. Do you accept?
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*If this isn't true the world will end in 5 days
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*An even simpler example can be found in the following one-liner :
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*This sentence is false.
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*Everything I say is a lie.
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*The sentence below this one is true.
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*The sentence above this one is false.
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You sarcastically say, "I was being Sarcastic." when the listener responds, "oh, sorry." then you honestly reply, "I was being sarcastic." They, now excited ask, "Really?" which loops infinitely.
   
[[Thought experiment]]s can also yield interesting paradoxes. The [[grandfather paradox]], for example, would arise if a [[time travel]]er were to kill his own grandfather before his mother or father was conceived, thereby preventing his own birth.
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Also, Never go back in time and kill yourself, therefore you will not exist, therefore, you will not have killed yourself, therefore you go back in time and kill yourself, therefore you will not exist, therefore, you will not have killed yourself, therefore you go back in time and kill yourself, therefore you will not exist, therefore, you will not have killed yourself, therefore you go back in time and kill yourself, therefore you will not exist, therefore, you will not have killed yourself, therefore you go back in time and kill yourself, therefore you will not exist, therefore, you will not have killed yourself, therefore you go back in time and kill yourself, therefore you will not exist, therefore, you will not have killed yourself, therefore you go back in time and kill yourself, therefore you will not exist, therefore, you will not have killed yourself, therefore you go back in time and kill yourself, therefore you will not exist, therefore, you will not have killed yourself, therefore you go back in time and kill yourself, therefore you will not exist, therefore, you will not have killed yourself, therefore you go back in time and kill yourself. You get what i'm saying, right? Yea dude, I get you. Wait. Who are you? I'm you from the future, telling you to never waste your time writing this. Seriously. the you from ten minutes in the future has your back. He's totally bored, while the current you has waaaaaaaaay to much work. i guess you might as well not do it though. Why? because in ten minutes you give up and start writing this.
[[W. V. Quine]] (1962) distinguished between three classes of paradoxes:
 
* A ''veridical paradox'' produces a result that appears absurd but is demonstrated to be true nevertheless. Thus, the paradox of Frederic's birthday in ''[[The Pirates of Penzance]]'' establishes the surprising fact that a twenty-one-year-old would have had only five birthdays, if he was born on a [[leap day]]. Likewise, [[Arrow's impossibility theorem]] demonstrates difficulties in mapping voting results to the will of the people. The [[Monty Hall paradox]] demonstrates that a decision which has an intuitive 50-50 chance in fact is heavily biased towards making a decision which, given the intuitive conclusion, the player would be unlikely to make.
 
* A ''falsidical paradox'' establishes a result that not only appears false but actually is false due to a fallacy in the demonstration. The various [[invalid proof|invalid mathematical proofs]] (e.g., that 1 = 2) are classic examples, generally relying on a hidden [[division by zero]]. Another example is the inductive form of the [[All horses are the same color|horse paradox]], falsely generalizes from true specific statements.
 
* A paradox which is in neither class may be an ''[[antinomy]]'', which reaches a self-contradictory result by properly applying accepted ways of reasoning. For example, the [[Grelling–Nelson paradox]] points out genuine problems in our understanding of the ideas of truth and description.
 
A fourth kind has sometimes been described since Quine's work.
 
* A paradox which is both true and false at the same time in the same sense is called a [[dialetheism]]. In Western logics it is often assumed, following [[Aristotle]], that no dialetheia exist, but they are sometimes accepted in Eastern traditions{{Which|date=May 2010}} and in [[paraconsistent logic]]s. An example might be to affirm or deny the statement "John is in the room" when John is standing precisely halfway through the doorway. It is reasonable (by human thinking) to both affirm and deny it ("well, he is, but he isn't"), and it is also reasonable to say that he is neither ("he's halfway in the room, which is neither in nor out"), despite the fact that the statement is to be exclusively proven or disproven.
 
<!-- I disagree with this; If John is not fully in the room, then he is not in the room; He is in the doorway leading to the room. It is not reasonable to state that he is both inside and outside of the room in the same way that it would not be reasonable to state that a person halfway to the shop is both 'at' and 'not at' shop. It would also be unreasonable to state that he is neither; He is simply not at the shop, therefore, John is simply not in the room until such time as his entirety moves into the room. -->
 
   
==Paradox in philosophy==
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==[[Philosophy|Philosophical]] Paradoxes==
A taste for paradox is central to the philosophies of [[Laozi]], [[Heraclitus]], [[Meister Eckhart]], [[Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel|Hegel]], [[Søren Kierkegaard|Kierkegaard]], [[Friedrich Nietzsche|Nietzsche]], and [[G.K. Chesterton]], among many others. Søren Kierkegaard, for example, writes, in the ''[[Philosophical Fragments]]'', that
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{{main|Phil Osophy}}
<blockquote>one must not think ill of the paradox, for the paradox is the passion of thought, and the thinker without the paradox is like the lover without passion: a mediocre fellow. But the ultimate potentiation of every passion is always to will its own downfall, and so it is also the ultimate passion of the understanding to will the collision, although in one way or another the collision must become its downfall. This, then, is the ultimate paradox of thought: to want to discover something that thought itself cannot think.<ref>Kierkegaard, Søren. ''Philosophical Fragments'', 1844. p. 37</ref></blockquote>
 
   
==Paradoxology==
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*[[Pointless Paradox]] paradoxically pointless.
Paradoxology, "the use of paradoxes."<ref>Webster's Revised Unabridged, 2000</ref> As a word it originates from [[Thomas Browne]] in his book ''[[Pseudodoxia Epidemica]]''."<ref>{{cite web
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*Russell's paradox: If a barber doesn't cut his own beard, what does he cut?
| url =http://seansturm.wordpress.com/tag/erratology/#post-41
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*Shallowness paradox: if you dump somebody for being shallow, that makes ''you'' shallow.
| title =Paradoxology
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*Toothpaste tube paradox: The more you brush your teeth, the sooner [[Chairman Mao]] will die.
| first =Sean
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*Liar paradox: This sentence is false. Is it true?
| last =Sturm
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*Miss Teen America paradox: [[American]]s are the only people on [[Earth]].
| date =5 September 2009
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*Omnipotence parodox: Could [[Jesus]] microwave a [[burrito]] so hot that he himself could not [[eat]] it?
| work =Te ipu Pakore - Escribir es nacer (to write is to be born)
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*Infinite Wisdom Paradox: A man who has infinite wisdom realises that having infinite wisdom is impossible, how then did he come to this conclusion?
| publisher =wordpress.com
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*California paradox: Is it faster to California or by train?
| archiveurl =http://www.webcitation.org/5minMTvXZ
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*Hotel California's paradox: if you've checked out, why haven't you still left?
| archivedate =12 January 2010
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*I'm Feeling Lucky Paradox: If someone wants to find Google, how can they Google 'google'?
| accessdate =12 January 2010
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*Unrequited-Gay-Love Paradox: Say a gay guy is in love with a straight guy, and all he wants is a straight answer.
}}</ref><ref>{{cite book
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* Grelling-Nelson paradox: A heterosexual who is hetrological wants the homosexual to be like him.
|last=Browne
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*Work experience paradox: You can't get work without experience, but you can't get experience without work.
|first=Thomas
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*Vietnamese Village paradox: We had to destroy the village in order to save it. See also Iraqi Occupation Paradox.
|authorlink=Thomas Browne
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*Your Favorite Undiscovered Band Paradox: The band is good so people should listen to them. But once people start listening, they'll start to sell out and they won't be worth listening to.
|title=Pseudodoxia Epidemica or Enquries into very many received tenets and commonly presumed truths.
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*Rolling Stones Paradox: You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need.
|url=http://penelope.uchicago.edu/pseudodoxia/pseudodoxia.html
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*spm paradox: you're damned if you do, and you're damned if you don't.
|accessdate=12 January 2010
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*Infernal Hydraulic Engineering Paradox: if you agree to build a dam for the Devil, then dammed if you do, damned if you don't.
|edition=6th
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*A Most Ingenious Paradox: you are the victim of this clumsy arrangement, having been born in leap-year, on the twenty-ninth of February; and so, by a simple arithmetical process, you'll easily discover that though you've lived twenty-one years, yet, if we go by birthdays, you're only five and a little bit over.
|origyear=first published 1646
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*Brick In Wall Paradox: If you don't eat your meat, you can't have any pudding. How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?
|year=1672
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*The Self-Fulfilling Paradox: This is not a paradox at all, but rather, a linear, straightforward statement.
|quote=Although whoever shall indifferently perpend the exceeding difficulty, which either the obscurity of the subject, or unavoidable paradoxology must often put upon the Attemptor, he will easily discern, a work of this nature is not to be performed upon one legg; and should smel of oyl, if duly and deservedly handled.}}</ref>
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**Therein, says Kierkegaard, lay the paradox.
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*Illicit Behavior Paradox: How can something so wrong feel so right?
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*Leprechaun Paradox: If two leprechauns find each other, which one would get the pot of gold?
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* Wrong List Paradox: The following paradox is not a philosophical paradox, and is in the wrong list, but if you put it in the right list it wouldn't be a paradox anymore.
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* Right List Paradox: this one is a paradox in itself, as it is in the right list how exactly is it a paradox?
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* Raven Paradox: "Green apples are not black" is conclusive proof that ravens are not green.
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* [[nihilism|Intentionally blank page]] Paradox: The blank page says "This page is intentionally left blank."
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* Quine's paradox: "yields a falsehood when appended to its own quotation" yields a falsehood when appended to its own quotation.
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* A sign reads "no signs, please". The sign next to it says "no 'no signs, please' signs, please". etc. ad infinitum
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* [[Chuck Norris/Paradox|Chuck Norris Paradox]]: No one can beat [[Chuck Norris]] but Chuck Norris can beat anyone. So if Chuck Norris travelled back in time (e.g 6 days in the past) and saw his slightly younger self, surely when the two battle, there will only be one winner, and that is Chuck Norris. <-But Bruce Lee beat Chuck Norris in "Way of the Dragon" :O <- Because Chuck Norris was acting and allowed Bruce Lee to touch his chest hair of fire :O
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* French Paradox: France breaks out into a civil war, both sides surrender.
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*Pinocchio Paradox: If Pinocchio said his nose would grow, would it?
   
[[Alexander Bard]] and Jan Söderqvist developed a "paradoxology" in their book ''Det globala imperiet'' ("The Global Empire").<ref>{{BardSoderqvist2002}}</ref> The authors emphasize paradoxes between the world as static and as ever-changing, while leaning on loose allegories from [[quantum mechanics]]. One may also include the philosopher [[Derrida]] in a list of users of paradoxes. Derrida's deconstructions attempt to give opposing interpretations of the same text by rhetoric arguments, similar to how lawyers in a court case may argue from the same text, the same set of laws that is, to reach opposite conclusions.
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==[[Physics|Physical]] Paradoxes==
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[[Image:Made in photoshop.JPG|thumb|right]]
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*[[EPR Paradox]]: Ravioli defies one of the major laws of thermodynamics - that [[pasta]] can never be destroyed.
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*Time paradox: If you marry your cousin, you and your brother would live in [[Vermont]].
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*[[Ultimate paradox]]: Complex system of affiliated religious matter.
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*[[Temporal paradox]]: If [[Mr. T]] goes [[time travel|back in time]] to stop Mr. T from inventing the [[time machine]], which Mr. T pities the fool who wanted to make a time machine?
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*Human Paradox: Mr. C. is a Supreme Allied Engineer, yet is obsessed with hotel toilets.
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*Infinite Paradox Theory: If you go back in time, does Mr. T pity you?
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*Russian Infinite Paradox Theory: If you pity Mr. T, does a time machine go back in YOU?
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*Paradox of Choice: If I asked you for £1,000,000, would you give me it?
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*[[Paradox|Dock Paradox]]: A dock next to another dock.
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*Grandfather Paradox: If you go back in time and you are raped by your grandfather, is that a prosecutable offense in the state of Tennessee?
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*Predestination Paradox: You go back in time and become your own grandfather and then you rape yourself. Seriously, what the [[Nose|$&*%]] is wrong with you?
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*Paradox Paradox: Can a universe exist without paradoxes?
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*Forest Paradox: If a tree falls in the forest and there is no one around, would the other trees laugh?
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*Paradox (Arizona): A place where [[idiots|conspiracy theorists]] believe there is an [[alien]] base, but it doesn't exist. This proves that [[conspiracy]] theorists are idiots. Like [[Special:Mypage|you]]. Or [[me]]
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*Glasses paradox. You can't find your glasses in the morning, because you need glasses in order to see them.
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*Dirty Paradox. You are the victim of food poisoning, and you find yourself in need of a receptacle to shit in at the same time as you need one to vomit in. Thus your "paradox" become dirty, "paradox" meaning "pair of Doc Martens".
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*Schrodinger's Cat Paradox: You place a cat in a box with a radioactive substance and a container of poisonous gas. If the radioactive material does not decay, the cat continues to live; if the radioactive material does decay, the poisonous gas is released and the cat is killed. You are an awful, awful person for doing something so cruel to another of nature's creatures. How do you sleep at night? (this of course is justified if you are in fact a professional [[Kitten Huffing|kitten huffer]])
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*Schrodinger's Cat Pairabox: If you place a live cat into two boxes, and one contains a radioactive substance and the other does not, neither box will contain a live cat.
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* Wet Shirt Paradox: You cannot dry a wet shirt, as after it is dried it is now a dry shirt not a wet one.
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* Friend Paradox: A man kills his best friend. What kind of bastard kills his best friend?
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* Recycle Bin Paradox: Where do you put your recycle bin when it is time for it to be recycled?
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* Paradox Paradox: A duo of physicians.
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*[[Link]] [[Paradox]]: [[You]] [[can't]] [[possibly]] [[have]] [[too]] [[many]] [[links]] [[on]] [[one]] [[page]]. [[jsao;ifvnjedhnfv;anmckjnadfgrkjnsfgvkjdvgbkandc k.fagfdk.jsgfkzdv.zsfb .szdsglfdkh klxg.hsdg;ldfskjnbljdknb ]].
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*Mr.Robot Mans [[Gossip Paradox]] : If your talking about someone behind their back, doesen't that mean your right in front of them?
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*Cheap Fantasy Novel Exposition Paradox: Something happened before the dawn of time, but "before" implies a linear time stream, so whatever happened couldn't have happened before linear time started.
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*Non-existence Paradox: Good world contributions of Sudan.
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*Pair-o-Docs paradox: One hospital can't possibly have two surgeons.
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*[[Murphy's law application for antigravitatory cats|Cat's Feet Paradox]]: A cat always lands on its feet, and bread (or toast) that is buttered or jellied always lands on its butter/jelly side. A face-up piece of buttered/jellied bread is superglued (or some how comically adhered otherwise) to the back of said cat, which is then thrown with rules of gravity in effect. Take THAT, physics!
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*The paradox of the pair of ducks: Suppose you have two ducks, each taller than the other.
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*The abridged paradox of the pair of ducks: Suppose you have two ducks.
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*The paradox of the pair of Doc ducks: Suppose each duck goes to college and obtains a high degree, and that now each duck is smarter than the other.
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*The paradox of the pair of Doc duke ducks: Suppose each duck is a member of English royalty, and each is more regal than the other.
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*The paradox of the pair of duke ducks' dutchesses: Suppose each duke duck also acquires a wife, each of which is more beautiful than the other.
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*The paradox of the pair of duke ducks' dutchesses' mandrake marmalade milkshake: Suppose this is getting absurd and that you'll have to use your own ingenuity to formulate this situation.
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*The paradox of the pair of duke ducks' dutchesses' mandrake marmalade milkshake which is reading the words "The paradox of the pair of duke ducks' dutchesses' mandrake marmalade milkshake which is reading the words "The paradox of the pair of duke ducks' dutchesses' mandrake marmalade milkshake which is reading the words "The paradox of the pair of duke ducks' dutchesses' mandrake marmalade milkshake which is reading the words "The paradox of the pair of duke ducks' dutchesses' mandrake marmalade milkshake which is reading the words "The paradox of the pair of duke ducks' dutchesses' mandrake marmalade milkshake which is reading the words "The paradox of the pair of duke ducks' dutchesses' mandrake marmalade milkshake which is reading the words "The paradox of the pair of duke ducks' dutchesses' mandrake marmalade milkshake which is reading the words "The paradox of the pair of duke ducks' dutchesses' mandrake marmalade milkshake whi........................................................
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BEEP...PARADOX INFINITE LOOP ERROR...BEEP...BEEP ERRRRRRRRRRRRCHKCHCKHCKHKCCKCKCHCKCHCKCKCKCKCKCKKCKKCKCC...This article [[asplode]].
   
==See also==
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==Nonsense Paradoxes==
{{Wikipedia books|Paradoxes}}
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Vandalism of Uncyclopedia. Makes total sense.
{{Portal|Logic}}
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If you make a box containing the whole universe, and you destroy it, have you destroyed the whole universe? And if so, then there was no universe to destroy, so therefore the universe must come back, but then you will destroy it, causing an infinite loop and a system error on God's computer, causing Him to blaspheme, thus sending Himself to Hell, which means God is Satan and Satan is God so therefore worshipping God is evil and performing Satanic rites is good, so by being good you go to Hell, and by being bad, you go to Heaven, so therefore you can do whatever the hell you like because Satan (now God) wants you to be bad and God (now Satan) wants you to be evil... but if Satan = God, God = Satan so therefore this paradox has healed itself and God switched from Norton anti-paradox to something decent - like McAfee Paradox Prevention. So therefore, reading this served no purpose. Much like Project Solomon.
* [[Animalia Paradoxa]]
 
* [[Dilemma]]
 
* [[Irony]]
 
* [[Oxymoron]]
 
* [[Ethical dilemma]]
 
* [[Formal fallacy]]
 
* [[Four valued logic]]
 
* [[Impossible object]]
 
* [[Mu (negative)]]
 
* [[Paradoxes of material implication]]
 
* [[Self-refuting idea]]s
 
* [[Temporal paradox]]
 
* [[Twin paradox]]
 
* [[Zeno's paradoxes]]
 
* [[List of paradoxes]]
 
   
==Footnotes==
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==Box Paradox==
{{Reflist}}
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If you create a box containing a [[random]] [[universe]], and vise versa (like in the episode of [[futurama]]) and destroy the box containing their universe, meaning that you have destroyed everything in that universe, even the box that contains our universe, destroys the box containing our universe which means that you have committed [[suicide]]! EUREKA! [[You]] sir are an [[emo]]!
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==The [[Spice Girls]] Paradox==
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If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends... but wouldn't you be their lover then?
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Assuming that they prescribe to the same rule (a given, considering that the Spice Girls have a [[hive mind]] and would all follow this rule). The Spice Girls also have no friends beside each other. This leads to an endless cycle of not-quite-[[fucking]], and you will never, ever get laid. Not that that's a new thing.
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==The Soda Paradox==
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Less-commonly known as the "Soda-Time Conflict". This occurs when a drink which contains [[ice]] is ordered at a restaurant. The paradox occurs as the diner would like to drink the [[soda]] before the ice melts and leaves the drink tasteless. However, when the diner does drink the soda, s/he is brought another drink from the waiter. S/he then must drink this new drink before the ice melts, but as soon as s/he does the waiter brings ''another'' drink.
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The paradox ends when the diner's bladder [[asplode]].
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While there is proof that this paradox occurs daily, it is yet to be documented how the chain can be broken without bladder [[asplode|asplosion]]. It is possible that throwing the ice at the waiter would help.
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==The [[Barney]] paradox==
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Barney the dinosaur has knowingly tampered with time and space. He has been known to edit wikipedia articles just for the fun of it. He has also put Playboy magazines in Pandora's Box. If Barney succeeds, all people shall turn into gaylord dinosaurs just like Barney. Srsly! His [[Michael Jackson|brother]] is also affiliated in this ghastly affair. [[crap|Note:this link leads to nothing inapropiate in any way. Srsly!]]
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==The [[Admin]] Huffs paradoxical paradoximia==
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If an Admin were to huff this sentence would the sentece be knowingly huffed without the consent of the writer or is it being willingly removed through the writers consent?
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==SNAKE! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!==
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The future will be changed! You'll create a time paradox!!!!
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==Everything is a Paradox==
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Take the following theory: “There is a time and a place for everything.” That is, there is at least one case in which any given fact is true.
  +
  +
Since this is a theory, it constitutes a fact in Kansas.
  +
  +
Therefore, by being true in at least one case, the statement has proven itself, and can be considered fact.
  +
Now, consider the following unrelated postulates:
  +
*'''[[Liberalism]]''' (See also: open-mindedness, spinelessness) asserts that everything is always right (see [http://www.alexanderhaberbush.com/politicaldefinitions.htm]).
  +
*'''[[Positivism]]''' asserts that the world as we perceive it is true (see [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Positivism]).
  +
*'''[[Shroom|Shroomerism]]''' asserts that the world as we perceive it is false (see [http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/9917259]).
  +
According to the above theory/fact (“there is a time and a place for everything”) each one of these statements is true in at least one case. If we apply this to the first statement, we find that, in at least one case, everything is always right; that is, everything is right at the same time.
  +
  +
Now, we apply this to the next two statements, “the world as we perceive it is true,” and “the world as we perceive it is false.” In at least one case, both of these statements are true, such that the world as we perceive it is at once both true and false. Therefore, everything about the world (and, by extension, the universe) is inherently contradictory. All of reality is a paradox.
  +
  +
==Customer Paradox==
  +
The customer is always right. So if two customers say that the other is wrong, both are right and therefore both are wrong that they are both right that they are both wrong that they are both right that they are both wrong etc.
  +
  +
==The Chuck Norris Parodox==
  +
In some men, the left testicle is larger then the other. For Chuck Norris each testicle is bigger then the one that precedes it.
  +
  +
==Solid Snake Parodox==
  +
Snake!? SNAKE! '''SNNNNNNAAAAAAAKKKKKE!'''
  +
  +
==See also==
  +
*Two [[List of Paradoxes|Lists of]] [[:wikipedia:list of paradoxes|Paradoxes]], each one more paradoxical than the other.
  +
*[[Keira Knightley In A White Corset And Kate Beckinsale In A Black One|Two people]], each more famous than the other.
  +
*[[Archimedes Paradox]]
  +
*[[Ethics]]
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*[[Optical illusion]]
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*[[Fallacy]]
  +
*[[Jigsaw puzzle]]
  +
*[[Mmm Deity Paradoxic Paradox]]
  +
*[[Pointless Paradox]]
  +
*[[Quantum Paradox]]
  +
*[[Solid Snake]]
   
==External links==
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{{partialspork|Uncyclopedia's parody, [[wikipedia:List_of_paradoxes|Wikipedia]]}}
{{wikiquote}}
 
{{Wiktionary|paradox}}
 
{{Spoken Wikipedia|Paradox.ogg|2005-07-07|SubCat=}}
 
*[[Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy]]:
 
**"[http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/paradoxes-contemporary-logic/ Paradoxes and Contemporary Logic]" – by Andrea Cantini.
 
**"[http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/insolubles Insolubles]" – by Paul Vincent Spade.
 
*{{dmoz|Society/Philosophy/Philosophy_of_Logic/Paradoxes/|Paradoxes}}
 
*{{MathPages|id=rr/s3-07/3-07|title=Zeno and the Paradox of Motion}}
 
*[http://thelegacyofparadox.com/ "The Legacy of Paradox: From Cognition to Cosmology"]
 
{{Logic}}
 
{{Hidden messages}}
 
   
[[Category:Philosophical logic]]
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[[Category:Lists]]
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“Procrastination isn't the problem, it's the solution. So procrastinate now, don't put it off”
“They contradict!”
~ Captain Obvious on Paradoxes

This article is not about paradoxes.

Infinity Paradoxes

Main article: Infinite recursion
Pairofducks

A pair o' ducks.

  • Zeno's Paradox: If you want to win a race, have a head start.
  • Channel one paradox: There are no numbers.
  • 1=2: There is only 1 number... and it isn't Numberwang.
  • Toilet Paper Paradox: You will never finish a roll of toilet paper.
  • Soda Paradox: If you start to drink, you will never stop.
  • Hot Paradox: The hotter someone is, the uglier they are, and vice-versa to infinity.
  • Asshole Paradox: The more you piss me off, the more I kick your ass.
  • More Infinite than the other Paradox: If there are infinite numbers and there are also infinite prime numbers how can one be infinite if there are more of one than the other?
  • The Kevin Bacon Paradox: the more movies Kevin Bacon makes, the more I want to slash my wrists. Is it possible to hack through the bone?
  • The Aquafresh Paradox: "With Mummy's help, I can brush my teeth all by myself!" also commonly known as the rarely used statement, "I can brush my teeth all by myself with help from a grown up!"

WTF? Paradoxes

The following statement is true:

The above statement is false.

  • Your mission is not to accept the mission. Do you accept?
  • If this isn't true the world will end in 5 days
  • An even simpler example can be found in the following one-liner :
  • This sentence is false.
  • Everything I say is a lie.
  • The sentence below this one is true.
  • The sentence above this one is false.

You sarcastically say, "I was being Sarcastic." when the listener responds, "oh, sorry." then you honestly reply, "I was being sarcastic." They, now excited ask, "Really?" which loops infinitely.

Also, Never go back in time and kill yourself, therefore you will not exist, therefore, you will not have killed yourself, therefore you go back in time and kill yourself, therefore you will not exist, therefore, you will not have killed yourself, therefore you go back in time and kill yourself, therefore you will not exist, therefore, you will not have killed yourself, therefore you go back in time and kill yourself, therefore you will not exist, therefore, you will not have killed yourself, therefore you go back in time and kill yourself, therefore you will not exist, therefore, you will not have killed yourself, therefore you go back in time and kill yourself, therefore you will not exist, therefore, you will not have killed yourself, therefore you go back in time and kill yourself, therefore you will not exist, therefore, you will not have killed yourself, therefore you go back in time and kill yourself, therefore you will not exist, therefore, you will not have killed yourself, therefore you go back in time and kill yourself, therefore you will not exist, therefore, you will not have killed yourself, therefore you go back in time and kill yourself. You get what i'm saying, right? Yea dude, I get you. Wait. Who are you? I'm you from the future, telling you to never waste your time writing this. Seriously. the you from ten minutes in the future has your back. He's totally bored, while the current you has waaaaaaaaay to much work. i guess you might as well not do it though. Why? because in ten minutes you give up and start writing this.

Philosophical Paradoxes

Main article: Phil Osophy
  • Pointless Paradox paradoxically pointless.
  • Russell's paradox: If a barber doesn't cut his own beard, what does he cut?
  • Shallowness paradox: if you dump somebody for being shallow, that makes you shallow.
  • Toothpaste tube paradox: The more you brush your teeth, the sooner Chairman Mao will die.
  • Liar paradox: This sentence is false. Is it true?
  • Miss Teen America paradox: Americans are the only people on Earth.
  • Omnipotence parodox: Could Jesus microwave a burrito so hot that he himself could not eat it?
  • Infinite Wisdom Paradox: A man who has infinite wisdom realises that having infinite wisdom is impossible, how then did he come to this conclusion?
  • California paradox: Is it faster to California or by train?
  • Hotel California's paradox: if you've checked out, why haven't you still left?
  • I'm Feeling Lucky Paradox: If someone wants to find Google, how can they Google 'google'?
  • Unrequited-Gay-Love Paradox: Say a gay guy is in love with a straight guy, and all he wants is a straight answer.
  • Grelling-Nelson paradox: A heterosexual who is hetrological wants the homosexual to be like him.
  • Work experience paradox: You can't get work without experience, but you can't get experience without work.
  • Vietnamese Village paradox: We had to destroy the village in order to save it. See also Iraqi Occupation Paradox.
  • Your Favorite Undiscovered Band Paradox: The band is good so people should listen to them. But once people start listening, they'll start to sell out and they won't be worth listening to.
  • Rolling Stones Paradox: You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need.
  • spm paradox: you're damned if you do, and you're damned if you don't.
  • Infernal Hydraulic Engineering Paradox: if you agree to build a dam for the Devil, then dammed if you do, damned if you don't.
  • A Most Ingenious Paradox: you are the victim of this clumsy arrangement, having been born in leap-year, on the twenty-ninth of February; and so, by a simple arithmetical process, you'll easily discover that though you've lived twenty-one years, yet, if we go by birthdays, you're only five and a little bit over.
  • Brick In Wall Paradox: If you don't eat your meat, you can't have any pudding. How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?
  • The Self-Fulfilling Paradox: This is not a paradox at all, but rather, a linear, straightforward statement.
    • Therein, says Kierkegaard, lay the paradox.
  • Illicit Behavior Paradox: How can something so wrong feel so right?
  • Leprechaun Paradox: If two leprechauns find each other, which one would get the pot of gold?
  • Wrong List Paradox: The following paradox is not a philosophical paradox, and is in the wrong list, but if you put it in the right list it wouldn't be a paradox anymore.
  • Right List Paradox: this one is a paradox in itself, as it is in the right list how exactly is it a paradox?
  • Raven Paradox: "Green apples are not black" is conclusive proof that ravens are not green.
  • Intentionally blank page Paradox: The blank page says "This page is intentionally left blank."
  • Quine's paradox: "yields a falsehood when appended to its own quotation" yields a falsehood when appended to its own quotation.
  • A sign reads "no signs, please". The sign next to it says "no 'no signs, please' signs, please". etc. ad infinitum
  • Chuck Norris Paradox: No one can beat Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris can beat anyone. So if Chuck Norris travelled back in time (e.g 6 days in the past) and saw his slightly younger self, surely when the two battle, there will only be one winner, and that is Chuck Norris. <-But Bruce Lee beat Chuck Norris in "Way of the Dragon" :O <- Because Chuck Norris was acting and allowed Bruce Lee to touch his chest hair of fire :O
  • French Paradox: France breaks out into a civil war, both sides surrender.
  • Pinocchio Paradox: If Pinocchio said his nose would grow, would it?

Physical Paradoxes

File:Made in photoshop.JPG
  • EPR Paradox: Ravioli defies one of the major laws of thermodynamics - that pasta can never be destroyed.
  • Time paradox: If you marry your cousin, you and your brother would live in Vermont.
  • Ultimate paradox: Complex system of affiliated religious matter.
  • Temporal paradox: If Mr. T goes back in time to stop Mr. T from inventing the time machine, which Mr. T pities the fool who wanted to make a time machine?
  • Human Paradox: Mr. C. is a Supreme Allied Engineer, yet is obsessed with hotel toilets.
  • Infinite Paradox Theory: If you go back in time, does Mr. T pity you?
  • Russian Infinite Paradox Theory: If you pity Mr. T, does a time machine go back in YOU?
  • Paradox of Choice: If I asked you for £1,000,000, would you give me it?
  • Dock Paradox: A dock next to another dock.
  • Grandfather Paradox: If you go back in time and you are raped by your grandfather, is that a prosecutable offense in the state of Tennessee?
  • Predestination Paradox: You go back in time and become your own grandfather and then you rape yourself. Seriously, what the $&*% is wrong with you?
  • Paradox Paradox: Can a universe exist without paradoxes?
  • Forest Paradox: If a tree falls in the forest and there is no one around, would the other trees laugh?
  • Paradox (Arizona): A place where conspiracy theorists believe there is an alien base, but it doesn't exist. This proves that conspiracy theorists are idiots. Like you. Or me
  • Glasses paradox. You can't find your glasses in the morning, because you need glasses in order to see them.
  • Dirty Paradox. You are the victim of food poisoning, and you find yourself in need of a receptacle to shit in at the same time as you need one to vomit in. Thus your "paradox" become dirty, "paradox" meaning "pair of Doc Martens".
  • Schrodinger's Cat Paradox: You place a cat in a box with a radioactive substance and a container of poisonous gas. If the radioactive material does not decay, the cat continues to live; if the radioactive material does decay, the poisonous gas is released and the cat is killed. You are an awful, awful person for doing something so cruel to another of nature's creatures. How do you sleep at night? (this of course is justified if you are in fact a professional kitten huffer)
  • Schrodinger's Cat Pairabox: If you place a live cat into two boxes, and one contains a radioactive substance and the other does not, neither box will contain a live cat.
  • Wet Shirt Paradox: You cannot dry a wet shirt, as after it is dried it is now a dry shirt not a wet one.
  • Friend Paradox: A man kills his best friend. What kind of bastard kills his best friend?
  • Recycle Bin Paradox: Where do you put your recycle bin when it is time for it to be recycled?
  • Paradox Paradox: A duo of physicians.
  • Link Paradox: You can't possibly have too many links on one page. jsao;ifvnjedhnfv;anmckjnadfgrkjnsfgvkjdvgbkandc k.fagfdk.jsgfkzdv.zsfb .szdsglfdkh klxg.hsdg;ldfskjnbljdknb .
  • Mr.Robot Mans Gossip Paradox : If your talking about someone behind their back, doesen't that mean your right in front of them?
  • Cheap Fantasy Novel Exposition Paradox: Something happened before the dawn of time, but "before" implies a linear time stream, so whatever happened couldn't have happened before linear time started.
  • Non-existence Paradox: Good world contributions of Sudan.
  • Pair-o-Docs paradox: One hospital can't possibly have two surgeons.
  • Cat's Feet Paradox: A cat always lands on its feet, and bread (or toast) that is buttered or jellied always lands on its butter/jelly side. A face-up piece of buttered/jellied bread is superglued (or some how comically adhered otherwise) to the back of said cat, which is then thrown with rules of gravity in effect. Take THAT, physics!
  • The paradox of the pair of ducks: Suppose you have two ducks, each taller than the other.
  • The abridged paradox of the pair of ducks: Suppose you have two ducks.
  • The paradox of the pair of Doc ducks: Suppose each duck goes to college and obtains a high degree, and that now each duck is smarter than the other.
  • The paradox of the pair of Doc duke ducks: Suppose each duck is a member of English royalty, and each is more regal than the other.
  • The paradox of the pair of duke ducks' dutchesses: Suppose each duke duck also acquires a wife, each of which is more beautiful than the other.
  • The paradox of the pair of duke ducks' dutchesses' mandrake marmalade milkshake: Suppose this is getting absurd and that you'll have to use your own ingenuity to formulate this situation.
  • The paradox of the pair of duke ducks' dutchesses' mandrake marmalade milkshake which is reading the words "The paradox of the pair of duke ducks' dutchesses' mandrake marmalade milkshake which is reading the words "The paradox of the pair of duke ducks' dutchesses' mandrake marmalade milkshake which is reading the words "The paradox of the pair of duke ducks' dutchesses' mandrake marmalade milkshake which is reading the words "The paradox of the pair of duke ducks' dutchesses' mandrake marmalade milkshake which is reading the words "The paradox of the pair of duke ducks' dutchesses' mandrake marmalade milkshake which is reading the words "The paradox of the pair of duke ducks' dutchesses' mandrake marmalade milkshake which is reading the words "The paradox of the pair of duke ducks' dutchesses' mandrake marmalade milkshake which is reading the words "The paradox of the pair of duke ducks' dutchesses' mandrake marmalade milkshake whi........................................................

BEEP...PARADOX INFINITE LOOP ERROR...BEEP...BEEP ERRRRRRRRRRRRCHKCHCKHCKHKCCKCKCHCKCHCKCKCKCKCKCKKCKKCKCC...This article asplode.

Nonsense Paradoxes

Vandalism of Uncyclopedia. Makes total sense. If you make a box containing the whole universe, and you destroy it, have you destroyed the whole universe? And if so, then there was no universe to destroy, so therefore the universe must come back, but then you will destroy it, causing an infinite loop and a system error on God's computer, causing Him to blaspheme, thus sending Himself to Hell, which means God is Satan and Satan is God so therefore worshipping God is evil and performing Satanic rites is good, so by being good you go to Hell, and by being bad, you go to Heaven, so therefore you can do whatever the hell you like because Satan (now God) wants you to be bad and God (now Satan) wants you to be evil... but if Satan = God, God = Satan so therefore this paradox has healed itself and God switched from Norton anti-paradox to something decent - like McAfee Paradox Prevention. So therefore, reading this served no purpose. Much like Project Solomon.

Box Paradox

If you create a box containing a random universe, and vise versa (like in the episode of futurama) and destroy the box containing their universe, meaning that you have destroyed everything in that universe, even the box that contains our universe, destroys the box containing our universe which means that you have committed suicide! EUREKA! You sir are an emo!

The Spice Girls Paradox

If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends... but wouldn't you be their lover then? Assuming that they prescribe to the same rule (a given, considering that the Spice Girls have a hive mind and would all follow this rule). The Spice Girls also have no friends beside each other. This leads to an endless cycle of not-quite-fucking, and you will never, ever get laid. Not that that's a new thing.

The Soda Paradox

Less-commonly known as the "Soda-Time Conflict". This occurs when a drink which contains ice is ordered at a restaurant. The paradox occurs as the diner would like to drink the soda before the ice melts and leaves the drink tasteless. However, when the diner does drink the soda, s/he is brought another drink from the waiter. S/he then must drink this new drink before the ice melts, but as soon as s/he does the waiter brings another drink.

The paradox ends when the diner's bladder asplode.

While there is proof that this paradox occurs daily, it is yet to be documented how the chain can be broken without bladder asplosion. It is possible that throwing the ice at the waiter would help.

The Barney paradox

Barney the dinosaur has knowingly tampered with time and space. He has been known to edit wikipedia articles just for the fun of it. He has also put Playboy magazines in Pandora's Box. If Barney succeeds, all people shall turn into gaylord dinosaurs just like Barney. Srsly! His brother is also affiliated in this ghastly affair. Note:this link leads to nothing inapropiate in any way. Srsly!

The Admin Huffs paradoxical paradoximia

If an Admin were to huff this sentence would the sentece be knowingly huffed without the consent of the writer or is it being willingly removed through the writers consent?

SNAKE! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!

The future will be changed! You'll create a time paradox!!!!

Everything is a Paradox

Take the following theory: “There is a time and a place for everything.” That is, there is at least one case in which any given fact is true.

Since this is a theory, it constitutes a fact in Kansas.

Therefore, by being true in at least one case, the statement has proven itself, and can be considered fact. Now, consider the following unrelated postulates:

  • Liberalism (See also: open-mindedness, spinelessness) asserts that everything is always right (see [1]).
  • Positivism asserts that the world as we perceive it is true (see [2]).
  • Shroomerism asserts that the world as we perceive it is false (see [3]).

According to the above theory/fact (“there is a time and a place for everything”) each one of these statements is true in at least one case. If we apply this to the first statement, we find that, in at least one case, everything is always right; that is, everything is right at the same time.

Now, we apply this to the next two statements, “the world as we perceive it is true,” and “the world as we perceive it is false.” In at least one case, both of these statements are true, such that the world as we perceive it is at once both true and false. Therefore, everything about the world (and, by extension, the universe) is inherently contradictory. All of reality is a paradox.

Customer Paradox

The customer is always right. So if two customers say that the other is wrong, both are right and therefore both are wrong that they are both right that they are both wrong that they are both right that they are both wrong etc.

The Chuck Norris Parodox

In some men, the left testicle is larger then the other. For Chuck Norris each testicle is bigger then the one that precedes it.

Solid Snake Parodox

Snake!? SNAKE! SNNNNNNAAAAAAAKKKKKE!

See also

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