Paper Mario
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| Paper Mario | |
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| Developer | Intelligent Systems |
| Release Date | 2001 |
| Genre | RPG |
| Platforms | Nintendo 64, Paper |
| Rating | Paper |
| Would Strong Bad play it? | Maybe |
Paper Mario (Japanese: マリオストーリー, Mario Story) is the first game for the Nintendo 64 that didn't use 3D graphics. Thus, instead of a cartridge, Nintendo released a paper expansion for the Nintendo 64 that allowed you to play any piece of paper with random drawings on it. Results varied. Many drawings caused the Nintendo 64 to explode nuclearly. This created the Nintendo Nuclear Bomb which was supposedly the cause for the explosions in Hiroshima, Georgia and Nagasaki, Massachusetts.
Contents |
[edit] Story
After the events of Super Mario RPG, Bowser got tired of playing the antagonist and figured that it would be nice to live the good guy life. His only chance to gain good status was to prove he was good. Bowser travelled to the game Kirby Adventure and borrowed the Star Rod. The Star Rod could grant any wish that the holder wanted. To show that he truly wanted to be nice, he wished that Princess Peach's castle was located on top of his. Unfortunately, Bowser did not count on the actual size of her castle and was crushed. Instead, Bowser just wished to be friends.
Mario was baffled when he heard this. Except Wart, Wario, Waluigi, Kammy Koopa, and countless others, Mario felt like he had no more enemies. The goal for him was to get the 7 Deadly Spirits and convince Bowser to kill everyone again.
[edit] Characters
[edit] Mario
The main character of the game. You must use his Hammer and Shoes to bring injustice back to the world. Peace and tranquility is not an option. Bring out the evil side of Mario, gaining even more destructive power with every Deadly Star. This happens until Mario turns into his ultimate evil form, Communist Mario, in which he uses a Sickle to defeat his enemies. His brother is Adolf Hitler.
[edit] Bowser
Mild mannered Bowser sets out with his sex slave Kammy koopa to stop Mario from destroying the world. In this game Bowser must stop MARIO from collecting the 7 Deadly Stars and becoming Communist Mario.
[edit] Peach
A princess who has the hots for a certain Communist Plumber. She is also rumored to have slept with Adolf Hitler and Oscar Wilde at the same time... Yeah, right.
[edit] Kammy koopa
A crusty old hag of a Koopa who follows Bowser everywhere. Many suspect they're in a relationship when it's actually the fact that Bowser made Kammy Koopa his sex slave.
[edit] Chuck Norris
The master of the Toad Town Dojo, Matt Orenstein. After beating his students you can choose to fight him. He is the strongest character in the game and there hasn't been any records of anyone actually beating him except AAA. One of the reasons he is the strongest character in the game is because of his roundhouse kick, which can deals 200 damages. If you lose to him, your game blows up.
[edit] Cheap Ripoff
An asshole who sells illegial catnip and games as well as drugs. He also LOVES Superman 64. I mean he really loves it. He even has sex with the friggin' game.
[edit] Adolf Hitler
A very nice man who opposes Mario for his communism. He teams up with Bowser to save the Mushroom Kingdom from becoming a third world country.
[edit] Oscar Wilde
A teammate of Bowser's as well as his buddy in college. These two go way back. Oscar Wilde has the ability to make really funny quotes without even thinking about how to make them funny.
[edit] Secret Cheat
If you beat the entire game, up to the final battle with bowser, without saving and shut the game off as soon as the bridge collapses, when you restart the game you will have your inventory with glitches. These glitches are items that can do whatever you want. Unfortunately, somebody recently used them to turn all the glitches in the world into toothpaste. As a result, new users of this glitch unlock Hygienic Communist Mario, which adds a deodorant symbol to his hat.
[edit] Second Campaign
On July 16 2007 Mario returned to give his propaganda techniques another chance. Using the Nintendo Wii virtual console, he attempted to conquer the free world yet again. However, most people saw this as just "a way to make money selling the same game twice."
[edit] Future Campaigns
For some reason, Mario can't seem to stop trying to conquer the world. In another game, Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year E-mail, Mario was sent an e-mail from Princess Peach that took a thousand years to be sent. The game is in real time so you really have to sit around for a thousand years to complete the game. While the game is free to buy, you are charged $1 per minute when playing. This amounts to $ … erm … a lot…($525,600,000). This probably amounts to millions(525.6 million) of coins. Seeing as you can only have 999 coins, you'll probably be bankrupt before you've even started the game (if that's possible). Our advice? Go waste your money on Superman 64 instead. Just don't get horny with it or anything.
Mario also engaged in yet another campaign, "Super Gay-per Mario", Mario was tranported to another dimension and had to stop this count guy with bat wings and a monocle from getting the hots for his pet butterfly, which was named Tippi (although Mario mistakenly heard her name as being "Tipsi" and continued to call her this throughout the game, to the point where nobody was laughing anymore... assuming they actually found it funny in the first place). This is rumored to be the hardest Paper Mario title yet, as Mario is forced to resolve all the problems in the game with love, a far cry from his previous two world-conquering games. Since his enemies all want to kill him, this scenario doesn't work out too well for the player. Ultimately, there has only ever been one person who finished this game, but he doesn't exist yet. Well, maybe he does. If he doesn't, how can he be the only one to finish the game? If he does, why don't I have a suitable name and/or picture to go along with him? Great... Now I'm gonna be up all night trying to come up with a suitable answer.
