Panzer divisions of WW2

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Redirected from Panzer Divisions of WW2
Jump to: navigation, search
Panzer Division
Country: The Third Reich of Greater Deutschland.

Type of Unit: Futuristic made-up propaganda flying tanks.

Structure: 750 panzers; 3000 men.

“Panzer Division is easy - just cut panzer in half with chain saw”
~ Polish Proverb.
~ French Resistance Maths Textbook.

Panzer Divisions were units created in WW2 by the German first and only reich, supreme to all reichs' air force. They were composed of panzers which is the German name for "Secret, unidentified flying objects." This led to the term SUFO (now more commonly known as UFOs) as General Eisenhower ordered that if one of these panzers was spotted allied troops would give the codename SUFO.

edit Formation of the Panzer Divisions

The first panzer division was formed in the final few days of the North African Campaign before the first Battle of El Alamein. This panzer division was named the 21st Panzer Division. Hitler named it thus so that it gave the pretense to German troops that there were 20 other panzer divisions when in fact only two existed during the whole war: 21st Panzer Division and 15th Panzer Division.

The nature of the actual panzer is unknown as no one ever managed to take a picture of one during the war. In the final few days of the war before Berlin was captured, all the panzers and any documents surrounding their design and manufacture were destroyed. On this note however Uncyclopedia can exclusively reveal that these panzers are shaped like saucers and they only appeared at night with a huge amount of haze and fog. They have green lights on the bottom of them and float at approximately 10,000 feet above the Earth. Few people survived a panzer attack and those who did don't want to talk about it.

edit The Structure of a Panzer Division

Panzer Divisions are composed of three Panzer Regiments. In each Panzer Regiment there are 1000 men who are broken down into different groups:

5xPanzer Squadron:

In each panzer squadron there are: 20 panzers; 1 Commanding Officer; 20 pilots; 2 chefs; 5 waiters; 2 lorries; 4 lorry drivers; 2 Radar operators; 1 clown; 2 circus assistants; 4 machine gunners; 60 ground crew.

2xPanzer Support Squadron:

In each panzer support squadron there are: 50 lorries; 100 lorry drivers; 2 clowns; 100 precision engineers.

edit The 15th Panzer Division

Created in 1944 in the final days of the Normandy invasion. This squadron flew the new upgraded Panzer MkIIs. As explained before no record of the upgrades to the Panzer exist no difference is known between a Pnz MkII and a Pnz MkI. They fought in all major Western European Campaigns after their formation including: The Ardennes, The Rhine and Berlin before the Panzers were destroyed by the SS and their crews executed.

Out of the records that still exist the only distinguished pilot who served in the 15th Panzer division won an Iron Cross, which he was crucified on alongside Hitler in the final days of the Reich. The pilot won the Iron Cross by successfully bombing and destroying the docks at Aberdeen which lowered Scottish moral leading to the Scottish Independance War of 1944-46.

edit The 21st Panzer Division

Created in 1942. Disbanded in 1943. This division flew the original Panzer MkIs but was disbanded in 1943 due to the Official Department of State Health and Safety of the Third Reich banning the production of the MkIs as they "ver not perfect enough, ya." No one disagreed with this move apart from one of the pilots who was later shot. Then the rest of the pilots were shot for, in the words of their execution letter, "Failing to fly in a panzer at exactly 500 feet above sea level for a period of 55.6 seconds of time."

One of the old Pnz Mk Is was salvaged in 1945 to turn into a weapon to hold nuclear bombs and fly into major British cities like John O' Groats, Guildford and Telford. This plan almost succeeded but the craft, due to its instability and poor manufacture (it was made in Austria not Germany), was blown off course and ended up blowing up the whole of South Pangea, a no-longer existant continent in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.

edit Conspiracy Theory

After the war it is said that the CIA did manage to get hold of some of the panzers and is now harnasing their technology to scare the living out of people having a stroll in the woods or out in the middle of the desert. Over the years many people have mistaked the panzers for mystic alien craft from another planet when in fact they are simply harmless nazi killing machines abdubting innocent people so the government can experiment on them. And besides alien ships are shaped like pyramids and covered in sand. These usually only appear in Egypt and South America as they host the best alien tourism.

edit The Allied Response

To combat the threat of Panzers the allies neaded to devise an efficient and easy to use response. In 1943 General Wavell came up with the idea at firing at them. Many things had been previously tested like destroying the panzers with radar or with code breaking but none of these worked. It took a whole year for a genius like Wavell to think that if you fired at them they might be destroyed. Allied troops did attempt to shoot them down and this was initially successful with two Pnz MkIs being so battle torn they returned to base.

No panzers were ever destroyed as the Germans came up with the new tactic of just not using them late on in the war as things such as missiles would easily shoot them down. The allied code that was to be used when one of the panzers was shot down was: A Dolphin Hit Lerry.

Personal tools