Panties

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

“Without a doubt in my mind, panties are the softest, most arousing article of clothing I've ever worn!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Panties

“Can't get enough of them, even if I can't move my head down to see them”
~ Stephen Hawkings looking at lacy panties at a mall
“You can't doubt women for wearing them! I first tried them out upon the time I stared elementary school. I've worn them ever since!”

Panties (or knickers as the English call them) are the greatest articles of clothing ever invented by mankind...or womankind... Panties were intended to be worn solely by females, but they are also very popular with men as well. This type of undergarment is unusually soft and comfortable compared to men's underwear. Additionally, it has a much sexier appearance with lacy trim, satin/silk/cotton fabric, and irresistible patterns. Who doesn't like patterns, huh?

edit History

The inventor of panties was Lloyd Facen. He felt that women needed underwear just as men did (as the standard then was that women did NOT wear underwear), and he designed a special type that he felt women (as well as men) would enjoy. As it turned out, Washington was aroused and ended up trying them on for the rest of his life.

When Washington invented panties, he only made them with a flat waistband and loose fabric. However, in 1960, Fidel Castro came up with a brilliant idea to make panties lacy. That would make them even sexier. Castro was about to patent his invention for lacy panties, but John F. Kennedy banned him from patenting anything. A large nuclear missile was headed toward Cuba, and although it missed, Castro was still extremely frightened and decided not to patent his invention.

In 1964, American author Saddam Hussein went to the U.S. Patent Office to patent lacy panties. In a matter of weeks after the patent, Saddam started a business called Saddam's Sexy Panties. All the panties he manufactures were silky and lacy, and they were a tremendous hit. However, the business began to fail when the public learned that Saddam tested the quality of the panties by trying them on himself before marketing them. Not wanting to wear panties with traces of Saddam's filthy genitals, the business lost a tremendous number of customers.

By 1972, things improved. Car salesman Steve Jobs, who owned a truck stop in Utah, decided to give Saddam's business a new start. He purchased the business for $8 million. Since then, business skyrocketed.

In the early 1990s, Bill Clinton proposed that all panties have pink decorations on the lacy waistband. For years after that, it was a strictly controlled regulation for all panties. However, in early June 2007, Clinton changed his mind and decided to repeal his restrictions on panties. From that point on, panties were made in various colors, fabrics, and styles. Of course, this was about the same time Clinton outlawed storing blue dresses for more than one day without being laundered.


undecrackers

edit The Inverse Price Law of Panties

"Tiny Little Catch Sex"

So tiny they cost $43,000,000USD!!!!

The Inverse Price Law of Panties dictates that the less material a pair of panties utilise in its construction, the more money they will be marketed for. For example, a pair of granny-knickers (large comfortable cotton panties) will retail for about £5 / $3 for a packet of three, while a single skimpy thong would in turn retail for around £30 / $50.

The less material a pair of panties has, the more expensive they will be.

edit Advantage

  • Better feel
  • Sexier
  • They're funny

edit Disadvantages

  • If you are wearing a skirt, someone might decide to get adventurous.
  • They can break easier.
  • They're funny, and are the butt of many jokes.
  • They aren't as absorbent as diapers.
  • wedgies are a factor to those who choose thongs and don't have daily sodomy

edit Statistics

Women who wear panties have been most likely to be hung by their panties on a hook causing pain and humiliation.

edit See also



Dress1
   v  d  e
Things to hide your ugly body with that you think make you look pretty

Armor | Bikini | Black Tights | Bow tie | Bra | Clip-on tie | Clogs | Corset | Disguise | Dress | Flip-Flops | Glasses | Gloves | Goggles | Golf clothing | Halloween Costumes | Hats | Hood | Kilt | Knickers | Monica Lewinsky's Blue Dress | Pajamas | Panties | Pants | Polo shirt | Shoes | Skirt | Socks | Speedos | Thong | Towel | Underwear | Viking Metal | Zoot suit

Personal tools
In other languages
projects