Panties

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“Without a doubt in my mind, panties are the softest, most arousing article of clothing I've ever worn!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Panties

“Can't get enough of them, even if I can't move my head down to see them”

~ Stephen Hawkings looking at lacy panties at a mall

Panties (or knickers as the English call them) are the greatest articles of clothing ever invented by mankind...or womankind... Panties were intended to be worn solely by females, but they are also very popular with men as well. This type of undergarment is unusually soft and comfortable compared to men's underwear. Additionally, it has a much sexier appearance with lacy trim, satin/silk/cotton fabric, and irresistible patterns. Who doesn't like panties?

Contents

[edit] History

The inventor of panties was George Washington. He felt that women needed underwear just as men did (as the standard then was that women did NOT wear underwear), and he designed a special type that he felt women (as well as men) would enjoy. As it turned out, Washington was aroused and ended up trying them on for the rest of his life.

When Washington invented panties, he only made them with a flat waistband and loose fabric. However, in 1960, Fidel Castro came up with a brilliant idea to make panties lacy. That would make them even sexier. Castro was about to patent his invention for lacy panties, but John F. Kennedy banned him from patenting anything. A large nuclear missile was headed toward Cuba, and although it missed, Castro was still extremely frightened and decided not to patent his invention.

In 1964, American author Saddam Hussein went to the U.S. Patent Office to patent lacy panties. In a matter of weeks after the patent, Saddam started a business called Saddam's Sexy Panties. All the panties he manufactures were silky and lacy, and they were a tremendous hit. However, the business began to fail when the public learned that Saddam tested the quality of the panties by trying them on himself before marketing them. Not wanting to wear panties with traces of Saddam's filthy genitals, the business lost a tremendous number of customers.

By 1972, things improved. Car salesman Steve Jobs, who owned a truck stop in Utah, decided to give Saddam's business a new start. He purchased the business for $8 million. Since then, business skyrocketed.

In the early 1990s, Bill Clinton proposed that all panties have pink decorations on the lacy waistband. For years after that, it was a strictly controlled regulation for all panties. However, in early June 2007, Clinton changed his mind and decided to repeal his restrictions on panties. From that point on, panties were made in various colors, fabrics, and styles. Of course, this was about the same time Clinton outlawed storing blue dresses for more than one day without being laundered.

[edit] Appearance and Design

Panties have various appearances of many feminine styles and colors. Many are white, pink, yellow, red, and purple. Many panties are plain cotton, whereas others are made of silk or satin.

[edit] Former Regulations (Early 1990s - 2007)

Bill Clinton demanded that all panties have pink decorations on the lacy waistband to make the underwear sexier. Since then, the number of panty-wearers has skyrocketed. However, due to the fact that some people (bone-headed) refused to wear panties, many states took stances against such terrible actions. In 2002, the state of Utah passed a law requiring all women under the age of 25 to wear lacy panties with pink decorations. Any female that refused was to be locked in prison and still had to wear the panties. Also in accordance to that law, males under the age of 18 had to wear the same type of panties.

In the past, it was rumored that New York, Colorado, Pennsylvania, California, Idaho, New Mexico, and Texas would pass panty-wearing laws later in the 2000s. California appeared to be the most eager of the states. Speculation had it that the governor would set panty-wearing laws in 2008. Contrary to the popular belief that men who wear panties are all gay, San Fransico has passed the strictest panty laws to date, forbiding males to wear panties. After successfuly passing this legislation, the Mayor of San Fransico stated, "We prefer our men to look like men. If we wanted them to dress in panties and be feminine, that would mean we preferred women. Give us hairly manly bodies in Calvin Kliens anyday but keep your male to female crossdressing panty wearers for the lesbians!"

However, in June 2007, everything changed for the better. Bill Clinton finally renounced his restrictions after discovering the benefits of inturns wearing crotchless style panties in the office. With that, all previously enacted panty laws (including the 2002 one in Utah) crumbled, and people were free to wear the underwear of their choice. Political rumors have since ran rampant, and these days it is quite obvious who is wearing the panties in the Clinton camp! A man who resembled Clinton was recently observed leaving a downtown New York Adult toy store and when later asked if it was him, Clinton simply remarked, "That device was for my wife, who often uses it to help massage a low back injury I have, and I have never had sex unwillingly with a plastic strap-on device as a man, ugh I meant as a man I am always there to support my wife and her desires, ugh I mean..." He hurriedly rushed off leaving us with only one final angerly spoken comment, "George Washington was a president too you know!" To sum it up, those weren't pantylines either, just thick gusseted fruit of the looms!

[edit] Advantage

  • Better feel
  • Sexier
  • They're funny

[edit] Disadvantages

  • If you are wearing a skirt, someone might decide to get adventurous :D
  • They can break easier
  • They're funny, and are the butt of many jokes.

[edit] People Who Don't Wear Panties

In a recent survey, 100% of women in the United States wear panties. In that same survey, 96% of men also wear panties. However, the 4% that didn't confess to wearing panties was proven to be rather odd. The people were later discovered to be complete boneheads. Below is a list of the people that do not wear panties.

[edit] Places to Buy Panties (and see sexy models in panties)

[edit] See also

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