Pansie

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GPansies

The beautiful, if somewhat effeminate pansie.

A Pansie is a sexually confused male flower; despite the existence of their stamen, they believe that they would look prettier and smell sweeter, especially to other male flowers, if they had pistils. Some become transsexuals, having their stamen surgically altered to resemble pistils. However, they seldom fool anything other than their fellow pansies and an occasional bumbling bee, or bumblebee.

edit Description

Most pansies are highly cultivated and show a special affinity for the arts. Many become fine gardeners. Sexually, pansies are known for their versatility, describing themselves in gardening catalogues as enjoying sexual activities, including self-pollination, that range from "mild to wild." A petunia is rumored to have said, "Once you've tried a pansy, you'll never go back."

edit Life Cycle

Pansies pride themselves on their colorful appearance, taking the rainbow flag as their banner. Despite their delicate appearance and sensitive natures, pansies are relatively hardy plants and enjoy a sunny, if not tropical, climate. Many pansies are bisexual, or biennial, having a two-year life cycle. During the first year, they cruise the garden, seeking the mates with whom they cross dress and pollinate during the next year. After broadcasting their seed, or semen, always on infertile ground, alas, they die.

edit Cultivation

Pansies like to be planted deep in bottom land, and they do well in gardens that are enriched with manure. Under ideal conditions, pansies are apt to be exclusively homosexual, or perennial, rather than bisexual. In this state, they tend to be leggy. Pansies are known to seed and reseed themselves frequently. Landscapers recommend that pansies be watered weekly and stroked often.

edit Tops and Bottoms

Pansies have a top petal and a bottom petal with a slight indentation, often preferring one over the other unless they are among the more versatile of their kind, and most pansies have beards. Pansies, although hardier than their appearance would indicate, can become sluggish during sex, and their stamens may shrivel prematurely, but respond well to Viagra and Benomyl fungicide prior to penetration, or planting.

edit Etymology

The pansie got its name from the French word pensee, meaning penis, because of its resemblance to a human face nodding at fellatio. Homosexuals use the pansie as their emblem, and it is especially popular as an embroidery motif, appearing frequrently on lavender and pink handkerchiefs.

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