Panda Express

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{{Q|The best Chinese food I've ever tasted|[[America|Typical customer]] of American-made Panda Express}}
 
{{Q|The best Chinese food I've ever tasted|[[America|Typical customer]] of American-made Panda Express}}
Panda Express is a fast casual restaurant chain serving American Chinese cuisine. It operates mainly inside the United States, in casinos, shopping malls, toll plazas, supermarkets, airports, railroad stations, strip malls, theme parks, stadiums, college campuses and The Pentagon. It is the largest chain of Asian fast food restaurants in the United States.
 
In 2004, the company began opening stand-alone restaurants with drive-through windows.[6]
 
Panda Express has 1,500 restaurants covering 42 States and Puerto Rico.[2] There used to be Panda Express locations in Japan.[7]
 
The chain offers a variety of food such as the popular orange chicken, Beijing beef, Mandarin chicken, and Kung Pao chicken. Combo meals are served with fried rice, steamed rice, chow mein, or mixed vegetables. No MSG is added to any of the items at Panda Express after it has been delivered to the restaurant, nor does Panda Express purchase from any suppliers who add MSG prior to delivery.[8]
 
Panda Express has its headquarters in Rosemead, California.[9] It is a faster, casual representation of the more upscale Panda Inn, from which the chain concept was derived.
 
Contents [hide]
 
1 History
 
2 Overview
 
3 References
 
4 Further reading
 
5 External links
 
History[edit source]
 
   
The Panda Restaurant Group, parent company of Panda Inn, Panda Express & Hibachi-San, was founded by Stephen Penney, Andrew and Peggy Cherng and Andrew's father, Master Chef Ming Tsai Cherng, all of whom used to live in the Yangzhou region of China's Jiangsu province.[10] They started their first Panda Inn restaurant in 1973 in Pasadena, California.
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'''Panda Express''' is a chain of animal slave traders that imprison the rare Giant Panda bear and sell them out to (hopefully) loving homes as chefs. They are perhaps best known for their Orange Chicken (which is in actuality pieces of their dead Panda friends coated in delicious orange sauce and sprinkled with the chef's tears) and not much else.
In 1983, Donahue Schriber Real Estate, the manager of the Glendale Galleria, invited the Cherngs to develop a fast-food version of Panda Inn for the Galleria's food court, and Panda Express was born.[11] The chain has steadily expanded across the United States since then.
 
In 2007, The Panda Restaurant Group had annual sales of over $1 billion and over 13,000 employees.[12]
 
In 2008, Andrew Cherng and his wife, Peggy, were the recipients of the 2008 City of Angels Award, given by the LAX Coastal Area Chamber of Commerce,[13] for their contributions to the greater Los Angeles area.[14]
 
Andrew Cherng '70 and his wife Peggy Tsiang Cherng '68 are alumni of Baker University in Baldwin City, Kansas.[15] Peggy Cherng also received her B.S. degree in applied mathematics from Oregon State University in 1971, and her M.S. in Computer Science and doctoral degree in electrical engineering from the University of Missouri-Columbia.[16] Andrew Cherng also received his M.S. in Mathematics from the University of Missouri.[17]
 
On November 23, 2009, it was announced that Panda Express had selected Trusonic to provide Asian themed background music to its store locations.[18]
 
On the ABC News TV program Nightline, April 18, 2011, there was a feature segment on Panda Express and its success. The segment described how Andrew Cherng encourages his workers and management to go through self-help programs emphasizing Landmark Education.[19]
 
In June 2013, it was announced that the restaurant chain will pay $150,000 to settle an Equal Employment Opportunity Commission action on behalf of at least three female teenagers who were allegedly sexually harassed between 2007 and 2009 by one male kitchen supervisor in Kauai, Hawaii. In a statement from the EEOC commended Panda Express for working with the EEOC to correct the lapses in dealing with sexual harassment. [20]
 
Overview[edit source]
 
   
With approximately 1,500[21] locations, it is the largest Chinese fast food restaurant chain in the United States. Andrew Cherng feels that Panda Express food needs more care and concern than other fast food restaurants. Panda Express tries to pay employees $1-2 more per hour than other nearby fast-food restaurants to get employees to put the extra care and concern into the food.[22]
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==Origins==
The company's highest revenue location, bringing in over US$4 million annually, is located at the Ala Moana Center food court in Honolulu, Hawaii.[23]
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After China's defeat at the hands of [[Flash Gordon]] in 1952, the country lost many of its financial resources, and its communist system simply could no longer afford to feed and house rent-free the various pandas occupying its upper-class suburbs. Thus emperor [[Bruce Lee]] declared all pandas to be outlaws and had them imprisoned, forcing them to work in labor camps. Many pandas feared persecution and attempted to flee the country, paying smugglers thousands of dollars to evade Chinese authorities and escape captivity. These pandas did not realize however was that bamboo simply was not an acceptable form of currency (pandas had no need for currency beforehand of course, as who could say no to a panda bear?). Thus many of these pandas found themselves in great debt to their slave traders, who forced them to work off their debt through labor and [[Furry|prostitution]].
  +
  +
===Cooking Talents===
  +
[[File:PandaSkillet.jpg|thumb|200px|left|Panda cookware made from the faces and skulls of failed Panda Express employees, with a little bamboo for irony.]]
  +
  +
One fine afternoon a panda sex slave, after pleasuring Rachael Ray with whom he had developed a mutual romantic relationship, Peter the Panda dabbled into her extensive spice collection and cooked up some of the finest mandarin chicken Ms. Ray had ever tasted. After further passionate bestiality, Ray agreed to fund Peter's restaurant chain, Panda Food Express. They soon learned, however, that large furry animals were barred from serving food in public restaurants (for absurd technical reasons). Desperate for some return on her investment, Rachael Ray whipped Peter the Panda into submission until he agreed to rent out the well-trained Panda chefs he had hired as household slaves. The concept quickly proved to be a tremendous success, and thus Panda Express was born.
  +
  +
==Panda Express Today==
  +
Panda Express is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a century and today features some of the finest Panda Chefs one could hope to find. Each panda bears a Culinary Arts Degree from Le Cordon Bleu cooking institute and is a licensed chef, heavy machinery operator, and sex slave (the latter is optional as it is rarely utilized and available upon request). A customer walks into a shop and hand-picks their panda based on sample dishes prepared by each one individually. Pandas that are not selected after more than month of employment at the Panda Express are taken to the next scheduled [[Justin Bieber]] concert to be euthanized by [[singing|irregular hypersonic disturbance]].
  +
  +
[[File:ColbertLover.jpg|thumb|200px|Colbert kissing his grizzly lover.]]
  +
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Once inside the home, each Panda offers a wide selection of items ranging from tangy orange [[panda|chicken]] to honey walnut shrimp. Often once the owner realizes that all menu selections are pretty much the same thing (generally about a month after purchase) they will mercilessly beat the panda in anger and send it back to a nearby Panda Express to lick its wounds.
  +
  +
===Controversy===
  +
[[Stephen Colbert]], as part of his ongoing campaign against [[demons|bears]], has denounced the panda race repeatedly, stating that the United States is far too kind to allow these animals to live and work here. Colbert often raids these stores and murders the furry employees inside; thus Panda Express no longer operates in the [[New York]] area. However, Colbert's bearocide campaign came to a screeching halt in winter 2008 after he professed his love for a grizzly on live television. Panda Expresses across America rejoiced with 15% off sales.
  +
  +
==Menu==
  +
*'''Orange Chicken''' - Panda Express's most popular item. "Chicken" is more of a nickname however, as the dish is actually comprised of dead panda entrails, with various seasonings.
  +
*'''Mandarin Chicken''' - A deliberate [[fuck you|fuck-you]] to speakers of Cantonese Chinese.
  +
*'''Honey Walnut Shrimp''' - Panda Express's most recent menu item. It is coated with the blood of the rare Red Panda. Thus, it costs a dollar extra.
  +
*'''Beijing Beef''' - tart, tough, spicy, yet still around, this beef is ''actually made'' from a cow. The pandas of course had to fight, slaughter and skin the cows themselves however.
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*'''And the rest''' - Here on [[Gilligan's Island|Gilligan's Isle]]!
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==See also==
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*[[Panda]]
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*[[Restaurant]]
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*[[Orange]]
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*[[China]]
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*[[Segregation]]
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*[[Bear]]
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*[[Slave]]
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*[[Mmm]]
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  +
[[Category:Bears]]
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[[Category:Restaurants]]
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[[Category:Chicken]]

Latest revision as of 04:34, September 24, 2013

PandaDepressed
A panda chef preparing one of the many special seasonings it uses.
“The best Chinese food I've ever tasted”
~ Typical customer of American-made Panda Express

Panda Express is a chain of animal slave traders that imprison the rare Giant Panda bear and sell them out to (hopefully) loving homes as chefs. They are perhaps best known for their Orange Chicken (which is in actuality pieces of their dead Panda friends coated in delicious orange sauce and sprinkled with the chef's tears) and not much else.

edit Origins

After China's defeat at the hands of Flash Gordon in 1952, the country lost many of its financial resources, and its communist system simply could no longer afford to feed and house rent-free the various pandas occupying its upper-class suburbs. Thus emperor Bruce Lee declared all pandas to be outlaws and had them imprisoned, forcing them to work in labor camps. Many pandas feared persecution and attempted to flee the country, paying smugglers thousands of dollars to evade Chinese authorities and escape captivity. These pandas did not realize however was that bamboo simply was not an acceptable form of currency (pandas had no need for currency beforehand of course, as who could say no to a panda bear?). Thus many of these pandas found themselves in great debt to their slave traders, who forced them to work off their debt through labor and prostitution.

edit Cooking Talents

PandaSkillet
Panda cookware made from the faces and skulls of failed Panda Express employees, with a little bamboo for irony.

One fine afternoon a panda sex slave, after pleasuring Rachael Ray with whom he had developed a mutual romantic relationship, Peter the Panda dabbled into her extensive spice collection and cooked up some of the finest mandarin chicken Ms. Ray had ever tasted. After further passionate bestiality, Ray agreed to fund Peter's restaurant chain, Panda Food Express. They soon learned, however, that large furry animals were barred from serving food in public restaurants (for absurd technical reasons). Desperate for some return on her investment, Rachael Ray whipped Peter the Panda into submission until he agreed to rent out the well-trained Panda chefs he had hired as household slaves. The concept quickly proved to be a tremendous success, and thus Panda Express was born.

edit Panda Express Today

Panda Express is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a century and today features some of the finest Panda Chefs one could hope to find. Each panda bears a Culinary Arts Degree from Le Cordon Bleu cooking institute and is a licensed chef, heavy machinery operator, and sex slave (the latter is optional as it is rarely utilized and available upon request). A customer walks into a shop and hand-picks their panda based on sample dishes prepared by each one individually. Pandas that are not selected after more than month of employment at the Panda Express are taken to the next scheduled Justin Bieber concert to be euthanized by irregular hypersonic disturbance.

ColbertLover
Colbert kissing his grizzly lover.

Once inside the home, each Panda offers a wide selection of items ranging from tangy orange chicken to honey walnut shrimp. Often once the owner realizes that all menu selections are pretty much the same thing (generally about a month after purchase) they will mercilessly beat the panda in anger and send it back to a nearby Panda Express to lick its wounds.

edit Controversy

Stephen Colbert, as part of his ongoing campaign against bears, has denounced the panda race repeatedly, stating that the United States is far too kind to allow these animals to live and work here. Colbert often raids these stores and murders the furry employees inside; thus Panda Express no longer operates in the New York area. However, Colbert's bearocide campaign came to a screeching halt in winter 2008 after he professed his love for a grizzly on live television. Panda Expresses across America rejoiced with 15% off sales.

edit Menu

  • Orange Chicken - Panda Express's most popular item. "Chicken" is more of a nickname however, as the dish is actually comprised of dead panda entrails, with various seasonings.
  • Mandarin Chicken - A deliberate fuck-you to speakers of Cantonese Chinese.
  • Honey Walnut Shrimp - Panda Express's most recent menu item. It is coated with the blood of the rare Red Panda. Thus, it costs a dollar extra.
  • Beijing Beef - tart, tough, spicy, yet still around, this beef is actually made from a cow. The pandas of course had to fight, slaughter and skin the cows themselves however.
  • And the rest - Here on Gilligan's Isle!

edit See also

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