Pacman (deity)

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His holy apparition.

“Omma Omma!”
~ Pacman on Pacman
“Been there, done that.”
~ AAA on Pacman

Pacman is a god of intermediate power, the subjective force of whom is arcade gaming. His domain lies within every Atari, or whichever ancient shitty system was used to play his gift to the masses.

edit Overview

Pacman has ruled arcade gaming since the first Akineton-worshipping youth was entranced by his agent of proliferation at the arcade in his municipality. He has since been a major proponent of producing more graphics-intensive video games, often lending developers his strength so that they may stay up multiple nights on caffeine to get things done before deadlines.

Police often blame him when children are missing, as he has an infinite gastronomic capacity that enables him to eat all that he desires. They withdraw their claims once the child is found, or sooner in the case that they receive a smiting threat from their scapegoat.

edit Rise to Godhood

Pacman's rise to godhood is chronicled in the Pacman series of games, which he had produced to spread his message of triumph over colorful obstacles with the help of steroids. It was quite repetitive because his adversaries, though capable of killing him on contact, are intellectually inferior to the few morons around that still use Windows 95, so he had to repeat things numerous times to drive the point through their ragged tablecloths.

edit Plateau


Pacman smites Mario for underestimating his power.

Once he had young males across the world playing with his joystick, he was now secure as a deity. Nobody could challenge him in his domain of power. Mario tried to replace him, and Pacman made quite an example of him.

edit Fall

Due to the aforementioned joystick play, rumors and accusations of pedophilia ravaged Pacman's reputation. Parents had been thankful for his holy scripture, which kept their children too occupied to pester them once they return home from work. This was no longer the case; the only talk of him now was rumors and cruel jokes about his alleged sexual desires. Children were forbidden from going to Neverland Arcade. Pacman's power withered.

edit Rise again

Pacman devised a scheme to secure his attraction to adult females of his type, and to reclaim the people of Earth as followers. He married Pacwoman, more commonly known as Ms. Pacman, and they broke the universal record for oral sex, resulting in 759 days, 21 hours, 13 minutes, and 37 seconds of polluting the air with their moans of pleasure, which were little more than "wakka wakka!" in a lewd tone.

People were now convinced that he was heterosexual and not a pedophile. He could once again be trusted to entertain children.

edit Eating

It is now common knowledge that Pacman likes to eat. If you didn't know this, don't answer the door. Captain Oblivious is likely to be out to kill you, as you are a threat to his status as the most oblivious being in existence.

There are many theories as to where things that he eats go. The most prevalent proposition is that he distributes them evenly among his realm, which is the space within all Ataris united. Others are that he can't digest what he eats, so it doesn't add to his body weight, but this fails to explain how he doesn't shit all over the levels in the games. It has been suggested that he uses hax in real life, but the one by whom it was suggested did so during a 63 hour World of Whorecraft binge, and that shot his credibility back up his ass.

edit Conclusion

Pacman is a powerful entity of great mystery and entertainment value. If you disagree, you can go fuck yourself.

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