PL/1

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PL/1 (PL/1) was the first programming language ever created. Some have speculated that PL/1 is an acronym for "Programming Language 1", but most experts disagree, saying that would be a little too convenient. It is known for being the most powerful of all languages, and for this reason any knowledge of its syntax is forbidden.

Syntax

The syntax of PL/1 is very simple, as shown by the following program:

print "Hello World!";

Unlike the Hello World programs of most languages, executing this code will call lightning from the heavens to etch "Hello World!" on a stone tablet. The "printf" function will create two stone tablets in case you shatter one in righteous anger.

History

Hiroshima crater

PL/1 is credited with the destruction of Hiroshima when King Henry's famous line of code "Who will rid me of this meddlesome priest?" was taken literally and extremely incorrectly.

The origin(s) of the language itself is(are) a mystery, but some scientician(s) has(have) uncovered fossilized code fragment(s) from as early as -4000 AD(CE). The most well known of which was written by Denver the last Dinosaur. Denver was accustomed to the programming language COBOL (a popular choice among dinosaurs), and accidentally included the word 'END' in his PL/1 code. He is hated by the surviving dinosaurs (of which there are none) and ridiculed by programmers to this day.

Other famous lines of PL/1 code:

  • 1 = 3;: Found in the Dead C Scrolls. Christians believe this line marks the creation of the Trinity.
  • cin.readLine(c); c /= 2;: Moses used his programming skills and punning to divide the read c.
  • Highlander.count = 1;: Reputed cause of the Gathering.
  • Graphics.pain();: A careless programmer misspelled "paint" and created several million MySpace pages.

Invoked Language

As opposed to interpreted languages, which are interpreted or compiled sometimes if someone wrote a compiler for it, AND in further opposition to compiled languages, which are compiled but could be interpreted if you so desired but there's not much reason to, PL/1 is an invoked language. To run a PL/1 program you must speak the 72 letter name of God. This is actually pretty easy, so don't worry about it.

As an invoked language, PL/1 is much faster than most programming languages. A program with O(no) runtime in a compiled or interpreted language will execute in O(Yeah!) time using PL/1.

PL/0

In some circles, and nearly every ellipse, it is believed that a predecessor to PL/1, known as PL/0 (PL/0) exists. They argue that when you do programs, things start with zero, and since PL/1 is a thing, it starts with zero too. No counter to this argument has been formulated.

Those who believe in PL/0 claim that the Poof was caused by the execution of a PL/0 program. The program tried to divide by zero when reading its own name, and in the process poofed out a bunch of matter. This is unlikely, since the expression "PL/0" can be rewritten by applying a few maths, giving the easily computable "PL/-1 + PL/1". Unlike the childish modern programming languages, a language as ancient as the supposed PL/0 would have been smart enough to know this.

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