PETA
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“Pussies!”
~ Greenpeace on PETA
“People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals
Poorly Educated Teen Activists
People for Endlessly Talking like Assholes
People for the Eating of Tasty Animals
People Engaged in Terrorist Activities”
~ What "PETA" allegedly stands for
“You people totally misunderstand PETA! We are not terrorists! We believe in peaceful protests and treating all animal life equally. We are simply a group of people who like running around naked and who really love animals. I mean really. (Wink)”
~ Eris Chao, author of Zoophiliacs for PETA on PETA
“It's a global threat to the way of life!”
~ Captain Obvious on PETA
PETA, or People for the Emancipation of Teats and Asses, is a global collaboration of activists who protest for freedom for animals, particularly bovines and equines. This is reflected in their most popular campaigning methods - parading men and women with exposed breasts ("teats") and buttocks ("asses") symbolising cows and donkeys. By exposing other body parts, they show their love for cats and roosters.
While some former members have complained of having gotten little support (in most campaigns, PETA doesn't allow wearing bras), the group has many loyal followers (and wide-eyed admirers) who are sympathetic to the cause. According to Harvard Professor of Social History Miley Ray Cyrus, PETA began in the dawn of the 1980's when people demanded something new to complain about.
While the international group is known as PETA in most parts of the world, in Skokie, Illinois, the group is called Uber Nazi Aryan Animal Association, UN-AAA. They are sometimes identified as People Engaged in Terrorist Activities for their alleged physical abuse of two-legged animals who wear lab coats, and for clandestine midnight beatings of the rare flesh-eating moose of Ontario, California. But according to spokesperson Eris Catma, "That wasn't me that was my brother."
Another version of their acronym is "People Enjoying Talking Anal," but this is primarily used to describe the activites of members on their website.
The group is sometimes mistaken for the unusual, left-wing organisation known as the Poorly Educated Turtle Anuses. The name says it all, really.
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[edit] Origin of PETA
Their site is currently down because the server is being tested on animals. However, you can find a temporary mirror here.
PETA was founded by actor Ingrid "Jamie" Newkirk in 1980 as an civil-strike faction of Hezb-e-Islami Gulbuddin. Newkirk is best known for her role as the Chicken Lady on In Living Color, and as the young Captain in the 2009 prequel to Star Trek.
Her activism began as a member of the PTA. "I was originally part of the PTA, which I figured stood for People for the Treatment of Animals. But one day at a meeting, I suddenly realized that didn't make sense. I stood up and asked, 'What the hell does that mean? What kind of treatment?' Everybody looked at me really strangely, but nobody had an answer." So Newkirk started a new group by adding an "E" to the acronym, changing PTA to PETA. Not surprisingly for an actor, the new acronym stood for "People for the Entertaining Treatment of Animals."
The new group drew attention at SPCA (Sexy People Craving Animals) centers and PTA meetings by singing and dancing while wearing chicken suits. Unfortunately, the efforts proved rather frivolous. This was explained by chicken dancer Gulbuddin Hekmatyar, who said "our efforts proved rather frivilous." So they moved from the stage and produced a film. This also did poorly. In a review in the Chicago Sun-Times, movie critic Roger Ebert wrote that their "efforts proved rather frivolous." The new group was on the verge of closing.
PETA still exists today because its founder, Ingrid Newkirk, tried a new tactic--research. She and a team known as Really Awesomely Terrific Scientists (RATS) conducted studies at several eating establishments. These showed that meat consumers acted irrationally, immaturely and engaged in childish behavior including pushing, shoving, fighting, and calling each other dirty names. "Consumption of meat obviously leads to innumerable temper tantrums and acts of childish destruction," said Newkirk in regard to the RATS study. Newkirk then called for the abolishment of meat consumption, which became the primary agenda of PETA "in order to provide for a better planet." The primary criticism of Jamie Newkirk's study was made by longtime rival Ricardo Newkhan, who pointed out that all the observations of childish behavior were made at elementary school cafeterias.
Ingrid Newkirk later ran into serious doubts, even to the point of considering becoming a meat eater. She learned that the 20th century's most prominent vegetarian led a band of racists, hatemongers, torturers, rapists, murderers, and people who wore animal-tested lip balm. But when she discovered that Adolph Hitler also wore woolen underwear, she immediately seized it. "Itchy underwear would make anyone cranky," she said. "Fur made the Führer." So to eliminate the Itchy Undergarment Sydrome, PETA fought against the wearing of animal skin and fur, and its name was changed to stand for "People Exposing Titties and Asses." The group became very popular with self-centered emos, beer-guzzling Retarded Vegetarians of Canada, angry beatniks, unwashed hippies, short-fanged vampires (who appreciate not having to try to bite through fur coats), Dirty Old Men, and Bat Girl (as played by Alicia Silverstone).
PETA is not without rival groups. The most prominent are Hunters for Jesus, Screw the Animals, the Plant Liberation Organization, and the PTA. Support groups include Topfree For You And Me, Zoophiliacs Unlimited, and Bat Girl (as played by Alicia Silverstone).
[edit] PETA and Barack Obama
Recently PETA endorsed Presidential Candidate Barack Obama with money on his campaign to topple Warlord Premier Bush. When the success of this was completed by Senator Barack Obama beating Senator John McCain in a vicious lightsaber duel, known as an "Election" did PETA fully fund his new Presidential Warlord Regime. In this "Election" PETA activists also known as Vagina's tried to use their dark side influence over Mace Windu, Um I mean Barack Obama, to try and pass a new law supporting same sex bestiality marriages. Obama realized the plot and after him and Master Yoda consumed a whole bucket of Popeye's famous chicken on the doorsteps of PETA headquarters or Delta Halo. Shortly after Master Windu and Yoda consumed said chicken and destroyed the Halo along with Master Chief did PETA pull all of their endorsements from the Democratic Party and instead went gang Green.
[edit] Carnivores' Alliance
According to reports on Fox News (a merger of the George W. Bush Fan Club and Weekly World News), an extreme right-wing Communist lobby-group based on Pluto plans to invade Earth because of PETA. The news service said the League of Meateaters plans to land on Earth in 2012 to establish the Carnivores' Alliance. According to an intercepted communication, Squad Leader and musician Zphd Btlbrw (Plutonium for "Ted Nugent"), will lead the invasion. This communique says the impending attack is a response to PETA's deliberate and sadistic campaign against fruits and vegetables. The group's views and reasoning are far too complex to be expressed in human terms; however, their opposition to PETA has been summarised with the argument that "at least our food can run away!"
Btlbrw plans to lead a group of alien and human hunters and entertainers who will storm the PETA compound, killing all the humans inside while singing '70s rock tunes. The group then plans to slaughter all vegetarians, foresters, green grocers, fruit pickers, canned vegetable workers, and The Pillsbury Doughboy. Btlbrw (Nugent) apparently plans to climax the attack by eating the Fund for Animals Heidi Prescott while simultaneously singing his hit song, "I lv pssy" (translated as "Cat Scratch Fever.")
[edit] Petaphiles
Petaphiles are people who have an abnormal sexual attraction to vegetarians and/or animal rights activists. They are known to follow a group named P.E.T.A. Following this group entails having playful, cautious, and kind sex with animals if it will take that to liberate them.
While petaphilia isn't technically illegal, it is strongly discouraged by most communities, primarily because the presence of petaphiles tends to attract some of the more shady elements of society, such as furries and kitten huffers.
In some places, known petaphiles are required to wear meat-scented cologne, in order to prevent them from being able to lure in unsuspecting vegans.
[edit] Signs that someone might be a Petaphile
- Kills innocent plants.
- Hangs around outside salad bar and Subway restaurants
- Buys large quantities of tofu, even though no vegetarians live in the home.
- Loves all animals, even the platypus, but can't stand humans. Especially men.
- Loves wearing leather Birkenstocks while splashing fake-fur wearers with blood.
- Subscribes to animal grooming magazines, but doesn't actually own any pets.
- Drives an SUV with a bumper sticker that reads: "My Other Car Runs on Manure".
- Runs a vegan restaurant, which serves a BBQ that is disturbingly good.
- Listens to Moby.
- Never can seem to think without first consulting weed
- Eats shit. Ask R. Lee Ermey
[edit] Other Info
In Swahili,PETA means "Man who carries Syphilis".
PETA is also suspected of creating AIDS.
In English, PETA means dumbasses.
In Portuguese, PETA means "Bullshit".
In Russian, PETA means dominant male homosexual (bugger).
PETA - People Eating Tasty Animals!
PETA - People sexually Entering Turd filled Animals
PETA- People for Extortion, Terrorism, and Arson
PETA - Penetrating, Eating, & Torturing Animals
PETA - Poorly Educated Teen Activists
PETA - Poo Eating Turd Assholes
PETA - Please Eat Turds from Animals
PETA - People Exterminating Tame Animals
PETA is also responsible for bludgeoning alien experiments just to urge people to go vegetarian.
PETA- People Euthanize Thousands of Animals
[edit] See also
- Plant Liberation Organization
- PETA (group)
- Plant Liberation Organization
- Animal rights activists
- People Eating Tasty Animals
- PEEV
- Beastiality
- Furry
- Kitten huffing
- Ingrid Newkirk
- Cabela's Nintendog Hunts
[edit] External links
- Petition Against PETA
- Peta Kills Animals
- Commodore Maddox on PETA
- PeTA Sucks
- Proof that everything PeTA says is a lie
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