From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Pernell Karl "P. K." Subban (born May 13, 1989) is a Canadian professional ice hockey defenceman. He is also the only black man in the National Hockey League. Although there are other African-Canadians in the NHL, he is the only one who has two black parents. Not like a kinda black dad and his mom is white. Subban plays for "The only Canadian hockey team with enough money to pay for talent," the Montreal Canadiens. He was drafted in 2007 as the 43rd overall, and everybody knows that, if you aren't within the first 20, you're not that great. But in this case it was not true.
edit Early life
Subban was born on May 13th, 1989 in Canada. His birth name is Pernell Karl Subban but everyone realized that his name was much too black to let him legally play in the National Hockey League. Therefore, they abbreviated it to P.K. This is still pretty
black nonwhite, which makes it harder for the announcer to tell which one he is. They solved this problem by making him wear a number on his uniform jersey.
There has never been a "Pernell" playing NHL hockey, and experts on the game, such as ex-Canadien-turned-commentator Guy Lafleur, say that if Subban were still known as "Pernell," he would not have gotten anywhere, except probably the penalty box. The given name would probably have been classified as Delay of Game, a two-minute minor penalty. Lafleur asserts that Subban opting to use his initials was a decisive moment in the history of the sport, on the level of the invention of the "trapezoidal area" or awarding points for achieving a tie game.
Subban's childhood was spent like many other canucks, in an igloo with his family with a two-polar-bear garage. Subban spent most of his free time during his childhood clubbing baby seals, like the other young boys in the neighbourhood. When not clubbing baby seals, Subban shot the old puck around with his closest friends, Sidney Crosby and Johnathon Toewes.
In these scrimmages, Subban always played defense because none of the other hockey players really wanted him to play in their
reindeer hockey player games and continued as to "Whoop a lot of ass" according to Sidney Crosby. Once they realized that the black kid could play, he was chosen more and more often by Santa the other hockey players.
edit Life as a black hockey player
Subban was chosen to play in the World Juniors by the Emperor of Canada, Stephen Harper, as are all players on Team Canada for any age level. During his time at the World Juniors in 2008, he scored 0 goals and had 0 assists. However, when Emperor Harper gave him a second chance in 2009, he scored a whopping 3 goals. and had 6 assists  In both tournaments, Subban won gold medals. Although doing shit-all in the first tournament, Emperor Harper permitted him to keep his medal, a rare case in Canada of favouritism toward minorities.
In 2010, Subban was called up by the Montreal Canadiens to play in the first round of the playoffs against
Alexander Ovechkin the Washington Capitals. After they won the series in seven games, they faced Sidney Crosby the Pittsburgh Penguins. After lots of whining and crying, they had once again beat one of the National Hockey League's stars top teams.
They moved on to the much greasier Philadelphia Flyers where they had lost because it was just too easy compared to their last two match-ups. The Flyers' grease "Destroyed the nice ice eh?" to quote ex-Canadien Guy Lafleur.
- ↑ No one knows where, exactly. A safe guess is Toronto or Vancouver, because that's where 95% of Canadians live.
- ↑ A world record for anyone of African Origin.
- ↑ Another world record for anyone of African Origin. It helps to be the only player of African Origin.