Oxymoron

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Ice is science too!

“Oxymoron? I think I wash my clothes with that”

~ George W Bush on Oxymorons

Chemical Formula:

O3H42Moron

A compound obtained when you get a moron to oxidise. Oxymorons can, when inhaled in large enough doses, cause idiocy in a large group of people to spread very quickly.

This tends to happen during elections, scientific conventions, or on nightclub dancefloors.

If you find yourself caught up with an oxymoron, simply politely scream at them to stop. After that, the rest is even more of a piece of cake: as necessary:

  • In a dignified manner, scream bloody murder.
  • Nonviolently shake the oxymoron until passed out.
  • To take the high road and retain all of your intelligence, become the oxymoron.
  • As a last resort, use the first idea that came to your mind.

Contents

[edit] Industrial obtainment

Corporations arrange morons in large farms named offices with a ventilation system, thus providing an abundance of oxygen. The resulting compound can be made into software, marketing, political propaganda and other bullshit.

The quality of oxymoron will be directly proportional to the quantity of morons processed. This is especially true during meetings and brainstorms. As a byproduct you obtain a load of buzzwords and stuff.

[edit] Homemade Oxymoron

Although not quite as potent as the Oxymoron obtained through industrial refinement, it is possible to create the compound with amateur equipment. All you need is some of the following

Simply place your person of lower than average intelligence in a well ventilated room with a toilet, food and one or more of the above ingredients. Lock the door to prevent any contaminants such as culture or opinions corrupting the mixture. Leave for a week. Be careful when handling your freshly baked Oxymoron and enjoy.

[edit] Oxymoron Science

Billy Mays is said to have invented/coined the term Oxymoron. Determined to get every person to use Oxyclean, Mays used his utter genius to make the new product overnight. Now everyone uses it, without even knowing it....

There have been many heroic efforts by individuals and groups to clean up the many spills of oxymorons but these have been largely unsuccessful and led, indirectly, to the Darwin Awards.

It is also rumored that Scientologists make use of these particles to attract converts and, in some cases, convicts.

The theory of Flying Spaghetti Monster has been largely proven to be an oxymoron too. ID advocates say no pasta and meatballs can occupy the same space at the same time, so by logic the FSM cannot exist.


[edit] Poetic Oxymoron

Late one morning, in the middle of the night two dead boys got up to fight. Back to back they faced each other, drew their swords and shot each other. The deaf policeman heard the noise and arrested them two dead boys. If you don't believe this lie is true, ask the blind man, he saw it too.

[edit] Well known oxymorons

The new OxyClean for Morons!

[edit] See also

Retrieved from "http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Oxymoron"
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