Owl City

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“I would not believe my eyes if 10 million people listened to this garbage that passes for music.”
~ Rebecca Black on "Fireflies"
“I'd sit on my front porch all night, waiting for Adam Young to walk by. Just to throw a rock at him.”
~ Patient and Waiting on Owl City


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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Owl City.

Owl City is a sad attempt at music created by a lonely insomniac named Adam Young. Throughout the internet and especially in comments of Youtube videos it is wondered how this garbage can pass as music. Much speculation has been speculated as to if the general population is deaf or just turns a blind eye to Young's hopeless dreams and fantasies. I'm serious people. I mean, Justin Bieber is bad but Owl City? At the bottom of the proverbial garbage heap (and the literal one as well)

One-Hit-Failure

If one were to disregard Young's complete lack of poetic-ness and meaningless lyrics. You might possibly see one golden failure, diamond among the garbage, one might say. This failure can only be described by its title. "Vanilla Twilight". I mean seriously! look at that! where is the meaning? nothing, not a whiff!. This is quite possibly the worst song EVER written.

"Can't even see the "like" bar! WIN!" writes one Youtuber.

For anyone inspired by this so-called love song remember. You are getting this from a single guy who's living in his parents' basement. And remember it was probably written while in a drunken stupor in the middle of the night.

Second to none

Without a doubt the worst song to ever go triple-platinum is Owl City's Fireflies. Although it is widely recognized that popular songs are garbage to anyone (or thing) with ears; Fireflies is in that special category with Rebecca Black's Friday. Downloaded millions of times just to hear how bad it is. Ahem. ITS FRIDAY FRIDAY, GOTTA GET DOWN ON FRIDAY!! see what I mean?

Disordered?

Along with insomnia and the phenomenal ability to play piano and sing worse than a pile of garbage Young also suffers from I-can't-find-a-permanent-place-of-residence-itis. Along with residing in his parents basement in Minnesota he has spread his garbage all across the United States. Young has said hello to Seattle and swam in Miami. It is rumored Young is now playing tennis in San Francisco.

Owl Citizens

From the heaping pile of garbage a strange cult has emerged. The "Owl Citizens" claim to be extremist fans of wretched music everywhere. They have been know to follow such artists as Michael Jackson and Elvis Presley. This group appears to have several leadership issues including multiple people claiming they are the "Biggest Owl City Fan Ever!!". They also have not clearly marked their borders, many Owl Citizens also have claim to land in other regions of the internet. Alright seriously, don't these guys have ANYTHING? North Korea has more patriotism for goodness sakes and I mean seriously at least they have a government!

Climate Change; Its Existence

Along with being a devote Christian Young is also an amateur scientist. Through his experiments on tidal waves, and traveling to the sky Young has discovered the existence of climate change and knows it is just the tip of the iceberg. "HAH! Take that skeptics!" Traveling via hot air balloon he continues to prove its existence.

Adam and Steve

Various Owl City songs including "Galaxies" make blatant references to Young's support of the "Adam and Steve" theory. This has been well received by several christian music radio stations as they lack the mental capacity to discern his true meaning.

Guest Artists

In various songs Young has had guest singer Breanne Düren. It is widely agreed upon that Düren is the only reason any sane person would want to listen to the garbage Owl City passes off as music. Anyone to willingly classified as insane is welcome to believe different. But guess what? No one cares!!!!

List of Works

For a mostly incomplete list of songs Google it then read this again. (Just do it.)

Fun Facts (you really don't care about)

  • Owl City is a one-man operation. This one man happens to be a single insomniac who writes about sleeping, dreaming and love. And guess what? His dreams have turned to dust and his love life suffered a cave in so he can't do any of that! PWNAGE
  • To date 5 albums have been released (Of June, Ocean Eyes, Maybe I'm Dreaming, All Things Bright and Beautiful, The Midsummer Station). Apparently one more is on the way but no one is really sure who is paying to make this garbage available to the general population with ears...
  • Recent studies have shown teen hearing loss to be up 30%. Owl City downloads have also increased by 30%. hmm...
  • You know what? THIS is garbage! No one cares! So just GO. FREAKING. AWAY.
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