Outernet

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stricly for lost [[pornography]] and [[pr0n|pronography]]. These are in fact subsections of the Outernet. It is somewhat similar to the catholic idea of Purgatory however with fewer free sandwiches.
 
stricly for lost [[pornography]] and [[pr0n|pronography]]. These are in fact subsections of the Outernet. It is somewhat similar to the catholic idea of Purgatory however with fewer free sandwiches.
   
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{{Wikipedia}}
 
== Origins ==
 
== Origins ==
   

Revision as of 21:44, March 1, 2013

The outernet is the region of cyberspace where data travels once it has been erased from a computer's memory. It is coloquially referred to as "data limbo" and is not to be confused with "data hell" or the undernet where evil data such as viruses, spam and messages from your parents go. There is also the uppernet, or "data heaven", which is stricly for lost pornography and pronography. These are in fact subsections of the Outernet. It is somewhat similar to the catholic idea of Purgatory however with fewer free sandwiches.

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Outernet.

Origins

The Outernet came into being in 1993 when George W. Bush's mother, Barbara "the Fish" Bush caught him surfing the website www.hotmidgetsexmonkeysfromarmenia.com in what internetologists have come to call The Day of a Thousand Tears. In her rage she demanded that her then salsa partner and part time lover Bill Clinton destroy the internet completely. Despite Al "Flying Dawg" Gore pleading the lord imperator of the United States of Hysteria sent a searing bolt of legislative fury at the then infant internet. 90% of the data (at that time only 1/32nd of the internet was pornographic based) was caste asunder. The lord creator Al Gore intervened and used the last of his mojo juice given to him by the green cyber monk of Kathmandu mixed with a Krispy Kreme donut and smeared it all over his 28.8k external modem. This saved the structure of the internet but unfortunately only 10% of its data could be recovered. The rest was scattered the four winds. Thus his holiness Al Gore created the Outernet deep in the fabric of space time upon which the cursed data was sucked into.

Denizens

The mighty creatures known as the Caribou prowl the depths of the Outernet (as well as the Uppernet and Undernet) guiding lost data to their final destinations. The Caribou are commanded by ex-chairman of China Mao Tsetung, whom Al Gore appointed to the position of overlord of the Outernet upon its creation.

Occasionaly stray Korean Starcraft players will be sucked into the Outernet while Zerg rushing due to an emergency back door put in by the lord creator Al Gore. Only Al Gore and chairman Mao truly know how this works but so far internetologists have figured out that it has something to do with noodles being at just the right temperature combined with just the right amount of Zerg's combined with a blusterly South Easterly wind of 10-15.6 knots. These unlucky Korean Starcraft players are enslaved by the Caribou as file clerks to process each byte of data that enters limbo in the outernet, as well as being Mao's personal "hard disks." However they do get free coffee and decent lunch breaks.

When some a gifted 15yr old indonesian computer hacker releases the bi-monthly "Worst Virus Ever" the Caribou hire rent-a-cops to make sure the new influx of data doesn't lead to rowdiness or exessive amounts of loitering. This policy was implemented after MSBlaster lead to hysteria, chaos and mass riots.

Recent Events

In 2004 an expedition lead by Randy "the funnyman" Savage, Buddha and Chopper Dave lead an ill fated mission to discover the legendary gateway to the outernet via Cisco servers in Biloxi to discover the the Forum Message of Absolute Truth and Serenity that was supposedly written down as a flame in a creationism vs. darwinism debate moments before the great catacalysm from which the internet has yet to recover. Failing to complete their mission in any way possible they managed to get lost in a livejournal for 8 months, finally escaping via a french Warez website.

In Popular Culture

Some less advanced tribes of computer programmers keep their data and programs in line with images of total fragmentation and data loss in the Outernet if they do not work properly. However most modern sects of internetology see this as being entirely based on a bad translation of the 785 silicon sutras of the internet done sometime around the millenium and the dot com crash.

Location of the Outernet

Location of Outernet

Pluto, it really is that boring if Al put the Outernet there on purpose.

Nobody really knows, but some claim that it resides in the former planet Pluto. Religious folklore say that Al Gore placed it there cause of it's imminent fate. Caribou sentry units guard the Plutoium Sphere covering the Outernet, composing of three layers: The Outer-Outernet, The Inner-Outernet, And the Caribou Living Facility at the center. The caribou have cleverly placed a surface-to-space missile silo on the surface, disguised as a giant caribou-xing sign. Mister Rogers is the suspected cheif-engineer of the project.

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