Otakuism

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Truelove

Saints Roger and John in the chapel, about to receive sustenance from Belldandy.

“Is this the Goddess Helpline?”
~ a troglodyte on a different Tower of Babel
“Gwahaha!”
~ Bill Cosby on his dreams about Belldandy
School Rumble in the wilderness! Oh, providence!”
~ Your mom on romantic comedy
“Thou shalt not use time wisely!”
~ Roger & John on devout Otaku lifestyle
“Are you stupid?!”
~ Asuka Langley Sorya on the meaning of life
“There's nothing we're so slapstick with as our own immortal souls.”
~ Ray Bradbury on Otakuism (HERESY!!!)

Otakuism is the religion of those who devote their lives to following anime. It is a time-honored, renowned religion with lots of history, values, and perversion. It has not the conviction or honor of any other religion, but by Haruhi, we've got BUNNYGIRLS! And Hentai on Sundays - aw, heck, WHENEVER YOU WANT IT!

Koizumi-Itsuki-1

JOIN OR DIE!!!

The Pantheon

Otakuism worships a number of goddesses (any male in the mythology is usually glossed over, for reasons of historical authority, evidence, and lack of priority. The list of Otaku Goddesses is constantly growing (with every new manga and anime, and so it is inconvenient to attempt a fuller list, but here are the principal goddesses:

and the list goes on and on, most other goddesses just being additional patrons of Sex and Hentai.


Famous Acolytes

Lmao mum

"School Rumble in the wilderness! Oh, providence!"

Roger Daltrey and John Entwistle are considered the two Main Prophets of Otakuism. Hideki Anno is another high priest. Other practitioners include James Joyce, Saint Domo-kun the First Missionary to the Grues, Mother Superior Oscar Wilde, Mother Superior Roseanne, and Samuel Beckett. Bill Cosby is rumored to be a closet Otakuist because he regularly peeps through Belldandy's bedroom window, but this is only because she gets a better cable TV package than he does, and why waste opportunity?

The Otaku Holy Book

Any manga or fanfiction you can get your hands on, and the dirtier it is, the more divinely inspired! =D

The Goddess Helpline

The Goddess Helpline is a telephone hotline (and we do mean hot), whereby nerds, anti-social losers, and fappers to hot ficitional women and girls can get their own personal goddess to grant whatever they wish for. (This hotline is not affiliated with the underground doll trade.) Some well known users of this Helpline are:

Otakuist Missionaries

In keeping with the spirit of oatkuism, otakuist missionaries are rarely doubtfully heterosexual bishonens or barely tolerable otakus themselves but instead are usually anime chicks. If an otakuist missionary comes to your door, consider this: you are more likely to score with them if you take a pamphlet, smile and nod a lot, and tell them that they are "so cute in that little outfit!".

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