Otakuism

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
Truelove
Saints Roger and John in the chapel, about to receive sustenance from Belldandy.
School Rumble in the wilderness! Oh, providence!”
~ Your mom on romantic comedy
“Thou shalt not use time wisely!”
~ Roger & John on devout Otaku lifestyle
“Are you stupid?!”
~ Asuka Langley Sorya on the meaning of life
“There's nothing we're so slapstick with as our own immortal souls.”
~ Ray Bradbury

Otakuism is the religion of those who devote their lives to following anime. It is a time-honored, renowned religion with lots of history, values, and perversion. It has not the conviction or honor of any other religion, but by Haruhi, it does have bunny-girls. And Hentai on Sundays - in fact, whenever you want it.

Koizumi-Itsuki-1
JOIN OR DIE!!!

edit The Pantheon

“Thou shall not adjust forcefully unto the God/Goddess they do not wish. But adjust to the Goddess you desire. That is all.”
~ The Grand Otaku

Otakuism worships a number of goddesses (any male in the mythology is usually glossed over, for reasons of historical authority, evidence, and lack of priority. The list of Otaku Goddesses is constantly growing (with every new manga and anime, and so it is inconvenient to attempt a fuller list, but here are the principal goddesses:

  • BELLDANDY, goddess of Heaven
  • HARUHI SUZUMIYA, goddess of Creation, Hedonism, Sin and porn, aka the Brahma
  • MADOKA KANAME, goddess of Hope, Selflessness, Love, Self-Sacrice and generally dying and being tortured for your sins, aka the Vishnu
  • REI AYANAMI, goddess of Death and emos, aka the Shiva

edit Others include:

edit Famous Acolytes

Lmao mum
"School Rumble in the wilderness! Oh, providence!"

Roger Daltrey and John Entwistle are the two Main Prophets of Otakuism. Hideki Anno is another high priest. Other practitioners include James Joyce, Saint Domo-kun the First Missionary to the Grues, Mother Superior Oscar Wilde, Mother Superior Roseanne, and Samuel Beckett. Bill Cosby is rumored to be a closet Otakuist because he regularly peeps through Belldandy's bedroom window, but this is only because she gets a better cable TV package than he does, and why waste opportunity?

edit The Otaku Holy Book

"The Otaku holy book is not one that is simply written into thousands of fractions. But is simply created for thou to find theirself. Those who have not found their true Otaku spirit but claim that they are one, shall be punished!" -- The Grand Otaku

"Meaning you can praise whichever God/Goddess you wish. Be that what you wish. This is Otaku-ism. There are NO limits" -- The Grand Otaku

edit The Goddess Helpline

The Goddess Helpline is a telephone hot-line, whereby nerds and anti-social losers can get their own personal goddess to grant their every wish, for only a small charge that will appear on the phone bill.

edit Missionaries

"There are no missionaries. They're too much work. Be yourself, Otaku-ism is a faith, not a way of life. If one simply declares their Otaku-ism on their belongings, shall be expelled from Otaku-ism. That is all." -- The Grand Otaku

Personal tools
projects