Orthodox Monsterist Church
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The Orthodox Monsterist Church is a church based upon the belief that Monsters are real. Being that monsters are real and factual, then there must be common threads amongst them, and their mission is to find those things that don't agree with their canon and argue against them.
Contents |
[edit] History
[edit] The founder
Alphonse Jones was born in 1979 on a farm outside of Coolville, Ohio, as the only son of Mary and Pepé Jones. Raised by his Irish Catholic mother, and his Haitian Vodou father, he learnt all about the old country from his parents. As a child he left saucers of milk out for the little people, and danced with Baron Samedi in the moonlight.
He lived a secluded childhood on the farm, and had very little contact with the outside world, however was well versed in monsters from a number of canon, and spent much of his life studying them. His idyllic life was disrupted as an eight year old, however, when the FBI finally arrested his mother and father for their cultivation of peyote for commercial purposes.
| He is the devil's own child, that boy. None of the other children will play with him during the day, as he keeps on trying to stake them or pour holy water on them. And at night he is impossible to keep in bed. In the end we have to lock him in a cupboard most of the time. | ||
| —Sister Maria Rossi, Letter to the Archbishop, 1990 | ||
He then became a ward of the state, living in a number of foster homes and orphanages, however never seemed to be settled in any of them. Eventually he was sent to live at Little Angels Orphanage in New York City, run at that time by the sisters of the Bleeding Cross.
It was here that his demeanour slowly began to change. Rather than relaxing his beliefs, he seemed to solidify them, becoming more rigid daily. He started to write his Monster Manual at that stage, recording all the known fact and rules about vampires. He also started to realise that there was an online community where people shared this sort of information as well, and this was where the church truly began to blossom.
[edit] The website
Alphonse then created the first site of the Monsterist Church, which as of yet had still not been named, and called it www.monsterhunterclub.com. The site was first published in 1991, with the following content.
Monsters are real</i>
They mey tll you that they are not, but THEY ARE. I NO that they are reel </p> I'm going to prove it to you, and to thw whole wurld.
Can somune help me with my html? <font color=blacker>
This site has been hosted by Geocities ©
As a twelve year old he had started the first steps towards establishing his religion. Soon he expanded on this with a forum as well, and started to get people to follow him, but nobody really serious.
Then, in late 1992, Twentieth Century Fox released Buffy the Vampire Slayer. All of a sudden the entire world was excited by the idea of monsters again, and started to look for an expert on the subject. Alphonse responded on his website.
| That movie is so lame. I mean, seriously. Like firstly there's this chick who's supposed to be a cheerleader vampire slayer. But can she recite the Act of Esh-Kanth? Does she know that extract of wolfsbane will turn a vampyre to stone? No!
And then there's the vampires themselves. They are the living dead - they should look like corpses when you dig them up. And the sight of religious artefacts should cause them tremendous pain. I have seen them, crawling in the dark. I know what they are. And they are frightened of me. Buffy has nice boobies though. | ||
| —Alphonse Jones, www.monsterhunterclub.com, August 1992 | ||
With the usage of a spell check, Alphonse had suddenly become an authority on all things dark and mysterious, and many more followers flocked to his banner. He then started to teach his night flock, via the internet, the true ways of a monster spotter.
[edit] Schism
The church grew larger in number daily, and Alphonse started to delve more into his dreams to learn the ways of monsters. His sanity, which seemed fragile at first, started to sway and crack under the weight of his followers.
One follower in particular, Grizelda the dark, often questioned Alphonse's leadership, and constantly undermined the respect of his followers. This debate raged on until 1999, when Alphonse called together the faithful at a meeting in his home, which he shared with just four other unemployed men. Reports of that evening varied depending upon the source.
| “ | It was tragic. We all went in expecting to see a lion, and the reality is that he was nothing more than a toothless kitten. A half starved, raving man who claimed to be the new messiah. I knew, at that stage, that God had called me here for a higher purpose. I was to take the church onto greater things. We would now be known as the True Monsterist Church. | ” |
| —Grizelda the dark | ||
| “ | They were betrayers and simpletons, and they refused to listen to the word of God when it spoke to them. Did I not teach them the way of the Swik-not? Was it not I who showed them the call of the flurriet? But no, they flocked to the banner of that painted Jezebel, ignoring the truth, and the right way. The faithful will come back to me, and the Orthodox Monsterist Church | ” |
| — Alphonse Jones | ||
Then, somehow, Alphonse Jones seemed to disappear. He no longer posted on his website, and his followers could no longer find him. It seemed that the Orthodox Monsterist Church was to be no more.
[edit] The rebirth
In late 2009, the Monster Hunter Club site became active once more. Even know it is drawing in more members, and people are flocking to it's banner. Although Alphonse has not been named on there, it has been referred to as the home of the Orthodox Monsterist Church. There are suggestions that only he could have brought the church back to life.
