Order of the 32nd falcon
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
The Order of the 32nd Falcon is a secret society perhaps best known for their underground control of Ursula Franklin Academy, a West-end Toronto high school. The Order maintains its power through the execution of covert operations within the school as well as by exercising the collective influence of its members. This influence is maximized and maintained by the strategic recruitment of members that play key roles in various school organizations and by using the influence of members in positions of power to promote their fellow Falconers to similar positions. Although it is believed that their main operations occur in Toronto, Ontario, it is impossible to gauge what portion of their past work has been documented as they rarely claim responsibility for the attacks they're alleged of committing.
The origin story according to The Order itself has only been published once:
"Ah now gather round ye young'uns and let me tell you a tale as old as McCain himself. Yes back in such times that dinosaurs still roamed the earth and aliens were still interested in us as people and not just mindless sex dolls... anyways I diverge, more important than that other crap i just made up was the formation of the sacred order of the falcon. Known as the Kiritsu Taka in Gotham City in Japan, and the сокол порядок in Gotham City in Russia, this organization has infiltrated all aspects of society ascending above all status and religion.' None except the very highest of the order, those powerful individuals in possession of the sacred texts and the all powerful beards know for sure, but there are many theories. Some say it started with the death of Jesus, others insist that it was created by a group of leprechauns newly freed form the loins of a certain black-bearded pirate in search of precious Germanium.
While their beginnings are murky and their adeptness great, their role in the shaping of the world is undoubtedly clear. Who do you think brought the Hindenburg and Titanic down? Bringing man’s greatest accomplishments to their knees? And who the hell else do you think would be smart enough to invent the widely discredited sport of shovel racing in order to kill their enemies. The 32nd Order of the Falcon, that’s who!
This secret society created before the beginnings of time is as of yet still with us today, ever performing their sacred duties to the world. And if you by any chance are lucky enough to know someone who knows someone who’s second cousin has an uncle that dry-cleaned an order member’s suit, and if you pay enough attention and do enough calisthenics, then maybe you too will start to see the signs. However like all mortals, or semi-mortals they are still not immune to bribes (money or food should do), just saying, information like that can come in handy. — God"
This was published in the alternative school newspaper The Flunklin. This particular issue was published by The Order itself and is more likely a [[File:]]mythical joke, rather than their specific beliefs.
edit Origin of the Name
It is believed that the name "The Order of the of the 32nd Falcon" with which they refer to themselves makes reference to the organization's initiation process. The Order of the 32nd Falcon is also also known as "The 32nd Order", "Falcon 32", or simply, "The Order".
“The initiation ritual is grueling. Thankfully, after the 23rd Falcon I couldn't feel a thing.”
edit Notable Falconers
It is widely believed that the Humphrey Bogart classic The Maltese Falcon (1941) was funded by forerunners of The Order. As a result of his involement in the film, Bogart faced significant heat from a number of intelligence organizations as a suspected high-ranking member of The Order. Similar rumors exist surrounding the given name of the Millennium Falcon, Han Solo's highly modified YT-1300 light freighter first seen in Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope (1977). Many believe Harrison Ford to be a kingpin of The Order of the 32nd Falcon. Ford denies any knowledge of the organization; however, many considered him the logical new leader following the apparent death of Humphrey Bogart in 1957. Despite years of investigation by numerous intelligence agencies, none of these connections to the order have ever been substantively proven. In fact, those who have made attempts to discover the truth behind these rumors are known to disappear.
edit New Members
It is not known how members are chosen or recruited into The Order, however it is known that membership is extremely limited and once a new member joins they are given the "Order Bitch" status until they have proven their worth. This is normally done through the creation of a new "initiative", operation, or the joining of a second new member. They are also not given full membership status until they have selected a name that the entire Order can accept and agree on. The only exception to this has been the original founding members and honourary members. Honourary members are presented with a special certificate, signed by all members, that also contains their new Order name. They are not given the usual information and are not privy to many initiatives and operations.
It is known that The Order does contain a ranking system with each rank based on either real world ranks, or ranks from fictional books. The exact order that the ranks come is not known however, as it follows no established system and incorporates many ranks that are never used in the same real world system. It is known that there is a princess who has a role similar to that of the English Queen, in her mainly ceremonial status, as well as General being one of the higher ranks and Private being the lowest. On top of this promotions do occur within the ranks so it is assumed that the ranks are at least known to the upper echelon of members.
edit Initiatives and Operations
The Order's initiatives and operations are kept very secret and virtually all are unknown to the public. The terms are used interchangeably on occasion however, Initiatives tend to be both broader in description, where as operations tend to be kept secret and refer to specific acts / projects within the order. These are often kept secret from nonparticipating members, however most members will learn of them after they have been completed. For example an initiate may be an awareness raising run, or charitable event, where as the only known operation has been the publishing of The Flunklin.
edit Yearly accomplishments
Be kind to a lonely person: Each year when the flowers of love are blosoming, and the ugly ducklings are left to wilt, the order takes it upon themselves to shelter the misfortuned from their crushing loneliness by using change found on the street to buy lollipops, balloons and well wishes to those in need of loving.
edit Use of Hypnosis
On June 3rd 2011 at approximately 8:45 a.m., a hypnotic sound clip shockingly appeared in the midst of the playing of 'Oh Canada' at Ursula Franklin Academy. This brief hypnosis caused every person in the building to momentarily perspire. While The Order's involvement has never been substantially proven, Kyan Rilgour, a leading expert on orders and secret societies relating to falcons and numbers, and Ursula Franklin Academy's resident crazy person, claimed in an interview on CBC television that The Order was undoubtedly responsible, and that future hypnotic attacks are imminent.
A member of The Order called in during this interview to comment on the situation. The following is an approximate transcript of what was said. "umadbro?"
Any allegations that the Ursula Franklin Academy Radio Club is affiliated with The Order are strictly speculatory.
- Alex Rayment, Ufa's Secret Society?,The Franklin, October 1st 2008,1&3
- ↑ Colonel Carl Jenkins, Initiatives,The Flunklin, November 1st 2008,2