Orchids

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Sick Orchids

Flowers are used all over the world for many years for sexual reproduction, as the text clearly states. For some reason unknown, orchids are the only flowers that contract STDs even though no penetration is involved in their reproduction process.

"Orchids" are special flowers with a delicate body, slim stems and small roots which bloom around June and emit a light but fragrant scent. They have deep orifices which have a small ball emanating from the lower inner region which opens up once every 28 days or so to bloom with a rather fishy yet still surprisingly pleasant smell. Unknown to most people, one species of orchids grow extended pods which is the source of vanilla seeds which tend to be black proving that Orchids are not single-toned flowers, embracing both the dark and light spectrums of the colour scale neither discriminating against whites nor blacks. The Orchid has become the symbol of acceptance around the world, used in many civil rights marches. Hispanic activists have argued that the lack of brown in Orchids is actually due to the process of natural selection, hence the orchids aren't racist, but nature is. [1]

edit History

Orchids have been in existence since the plants began developing flowers for use in botanical reproduction. In fact, the name is believed to have come from the Hindu god Orkidia, who had the ability to satisfy the needs of any worshiper instantly. Orkidia was considered a prolific and virtuous god with nine beautiful wives with him at all times and in the thoughts and memories of thousands more females. Orchids are considered to be some of the most scrumptious flowers in the plant kingdom, where pollen grains from various other plants fight each other for a chance to pollinate those rare orchids and destroy their tall slender legs in the process. Only pollen grains with great strength, cunning, deceptive and charismatic qualities are able to convince orchids to let their pedals down and be ravaged by the pollen grains.

edit Botanology

Orchids are derived from the species Intimius gatanticus which is of the substratum that includes flowers such as the lily, the water lily, the Sun lily and the Cuban stink rose. Some people have been known to confuse the Orchid with the Cuban stink rose which is dangerous as it is both a mild narcotic and a poisonous carcinogen. Orchids can also be used to derive narcotics but without the unpleasant poisonous cancerous side effects of its consumption.

Orchidial Protestor

Acceptance starts with you and me. And orchids.

edit Reproduction

Orchids much like other plants require pollination which can only be carried out by a specific bumblebee from Central America or by human touch. The pollination by human touch is a time consuming process which requires gently fondling the tips of the stems and then lightly rubbing the pollen along the petals, careful to only slightly brush one's finger tips along the petals and not to damage them. If done successfully the petals will close around the finger tip with a light pressure and over time wrapping tightly around the finger until an eventual small explosion of a clear sap like substance, which has frequently been interpreted as the flower's version of an orgasm. It is speculated that the orchid may also be able to fake an orgasm without enjoying the process just like British women do every night. Orchids are often seen vigorously thrashing against their other gender counterparts and squirting out this substance in great volumes

edit Use in war

The ancient tribes of the peaceful plains of America and in the New England region took up the practice of displaying orchids alongside of their machetes to produce a smell and stunning visual effect that would attract friendly neighbours stimulating their senses and distracting them enough to be torn to bits by a machete. The left over was something of a human stew with shredded orchid petals floating around. The natives called this "the great wind spirit unicorn pedal dance".

edit Cultural use

Amber rose

Orchids are the ideal flower to unite people of all walks of life, including rich black men who date white trash.

In most societies orchids are given to women at the beginning of the courtship because of how strongly they're identified with the ideals of sexual attraction. Indeed, giving giving orchids to women is seen to have the same effect as making out with them or passionately holding their hand. The amount of orchids given to the female represents either the amount of love the two share between other or the specific expectations of the male. The quality of a man's sensual life of can be easily determined by the amount of orchids he gifts to the various lady friends he's courting. Needless to say, once the courtship reaches its climax with dozens and dozens of orchids, the woman will probably not be receiving any more, and most likely never see the man again.

Due to the rarity of orchids and its great expense, a lot of strapping young men are unable to buy them or maintain them properly. Hence, orchids are very class conscious and quite elitist. It is no coincidence that orchids are grown near Ivy League schools and in the colleges of Oxford. Orchids never grow in the gardens of the working class and orchids are always sure to do lunch with fun and entertaining flowers, though ones less pretty than them and where they can be seen and heard by other rare expensive flowers. It is this reason why nice, friendly and charismatic yet poor men are usually so out of their league when hitting on hot girls, they simply cannot afford Orchids. Some desperate men are known to save up their whole lives to buy a few orchids to impress their dates. Once the girl realizes that he cannot afford any more by the third date, she will suggest that they take a break, to figure out just where the relationship is heading.

edit References

  1. That is true. Although brown orchids really exists somewhere place-too-long-to-say-it-aloud, but these fake "orchids" looks like brown fecal matter which is nothing nature should emulate.
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