Olympics
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“Ahh the Olympics, the only time when countries can live in peace by proving that they're so much better than other countries”
~ Oscar Wilde on Peaceful Rivalry
The Olympics is a brand of widely stupid popular cameras produced by Mt. Olympus Film Co. est. 1337 BW (Before Waffles). They are responsible for the most popular camera in the World, the 102mm digital Lake Placid. Zeus the president and CEO of the company, is terribly sensitive to criticism of his film, and has been known to smite people with a lightning bolt if they speak ill of the cameras.
The brand is otherwise known as the Olympic Games and the contests or the 4 month of sweat and bother that no one dares abolish since it was created in Greece and it is Greek tradition which we all have to get involved in sometime whether you like it or not. Everyone knows that they'll get angry if we do get rid of it. So don't even think of thinking of considering about stoping there only bit of fun. Plus you would not like them when they're angry. Not one bit. Especially when those crazed Greeks get near some sharp objects. Or even blunt ones for that matter, they get very violent in case you had not noticed from their literature.
[edit] History
When the Ancient Greek pantheon realised that they were losing ground to more popular.
The 1936 Olympics is widely known as the greatest olympiad of all time with Adolf Hitler picking up 10 medals in the shooting. However no Jews managed to qualify for the Olympics.
[edit] Ants
The 1932 Olympiad is best remembered as Adolf Hitler's failed attempt to ban ants from participating. Serector Zob, an American ant, raced Heimler Himmler in the 2 inch dash and won the gold, leaving the German, Himmler, to take second. Hitler was so displeased with the event that he left the Olympics early and would not take dinner in his study as usual. He opted to eat cheese and crackers in bed while he cried the night through and woke up abruptly after peeing in the bed. Zob went on to invent the Money Tree. Himmler became a stripper in a Burmese Army Base.
[edit] Modern Games
The modern Olympics were restarted in Greece so they could pretend that the Roman Empire never happened. Soon the Olmpics was held in Rome so the Greeks had a second one. At least the Persians never had one.
[edit] Recent ventures by Mt. Olympus Co.
In recent years, Mt. Olympus Co. have expanded their business portfolio to include the production of stationary made papyrus. This has put them into competition with Apple and their notebooks. In order to get ahead, Mt. Olympus Co. have recently endeavoured into a lucrative sponsorship contract with Little Athletics. Conditions of these contracts are reported to be that these athletics carnivals can only be held every two years (to coincide with camera production), and take place in Winter and Summer alternatively. The most controversial aspect however, is the changing of the name of the carnivals from 'Little A's' or 'Little Ath's' (depending on the location), to 'The Games of Mt. Olympus Co.' or 'Olympic Games'.
[edit] Performance-Enhancing Drugs at The Olympics
The Olympics governing body has taken great pains in trying to eliminate drug use at the games, in an effort to promote the good image of sport. Unfortunately, this has the side effect of making the Games much more boring than they otherwise would be. Several commentators have put forward the idea of running two separate Games side by side - the 'drug-free' Olympics and the 'neck whatever the hell you feel like' Olympics. Studies suggest that this might lead to a far more spectator-friendly event with the mile run in 3 seconds, cyclists travelling at mach 1 and swimmers completing 100 lengths without surfacing for air after being injected with whale DNA.
[edit] BJ 2009 Olympic Games
The next 'Summery Games' will be BJ 2008 Olympic Games. Officially known as the Little Ath's Games of the Mt Olympus Photographic Co., will be held in Bigdong, China from 8.30am August 8, 2008 to 12.30pm August 8, 2008, with the opening ceremony to take place at 8am on August 8, 2008 (08-08-08-08; the number 8 is associated with Erectile Dysfunction in some cultures). In the BJ Olympics the Chinese are completely, absolutely, and totally cheating, every dull person can see it, and no one is doing anything about it!!!!! The next olympics will be played by obese children so they can burn off some flab.
[edit] London 2012 Olympic Games
London is going to be "hosting" the 2012 Olympic Games and already they have managed to make a balls of it by designing a logo which later got banned because it killed lots of epileptic kids. They still have 4 more years to clean up their act and remove all politicians from the game. Many have criticised this attempt to "clean up" the games claiming that the few cheap laughs they give may actually encourage people to watch it instead of throwing their televisions out the window upon realising that the only thing that is on every channel are people running around in circles, throwing things or swimming. People who like the logo are often referred to as 'communist bastards'. Think about it. The stadium is being built on a council estate. innit.
[edit] Reefton 2016 Olympics
Reefton was awarded the 2016 Olympics at an announcement ceremony yesterday, but has not realised yet, as news still only reaches this remote part of New Zealand 6 months late and no townspeople have worked out how to use a telephone yet. Reefton won the right to host judged on it's avaliable facialties. As New Zealand prime minister Helen Clark pointed out, Reefton has a BMX track already avaliable, some guy's field flooded around about the right size for an olympic pool, and they found a basketball hoop in some kid's back yard. when Mrs Clark was questioned yesterday she replied "we're sweet ow". However, the campaign has suffered slightly, and the opening ceremony has been moved to Auckland because the local flower show had booked out the town hall. The building works i.e stadiums and such are all an average of 2 years behind schedule meaning they will be ready for London's 2018 world cup bid.
After the election of Rio de Janeiro as the host city of the 2016 Games, the next Olympic Games will be disputed by these famous cities: Baghdad (Iraq), Tehran (Iran), Kabul (Afghanistan), Kandahar (Afghanistan), Beirut (Lebanon), Kuwait City (Kuwait), and Islamabad (Pakistan).
[edit] Moon 2020 Olympics
The Moon won its bid for the 2020 Olympics which will be held at the new NASA luner base. Attending nations will have to send their athletes on their own rockets. The Moon beat out bids from Mars, New York USA, Tallinn, Estonia and Pyongyang North Korea. Of the 4 candidates only New York allowed IOC officials to inspect the city, however the officials were displeased with being mugged and shot at at night. Mars lost its bid amid concerns the air quality was almost as bad as Beijing in 2008.
See also: Tallinn 2020 Summer Olympics bid
[edit] Tapawera 2024 Olympics
A small town in the puny country of New Zealand called Tapawera has won the 2024 olympics. This comes after the 2016 Reefton olympics, and the announcement of the 2028 South Auckland olympics. The village of 500 people has a 4 Square supermarket, a random school and a awesome house that contains my friend. The town is about 40kms out of Nelson, the sunniest, coldest, warmest and wettest place in New Zealand. Barack Obama, the official #1 fan of Tapawera said "the village deserves a special event, the past being a man that can eat a apple pie] in approx. 2.732 seconds.
[edit] New Zealand's Failed Olympic Bid
On the contrary to New Zealand's "failure" to host the 2016 Olympics due to its crap economy and inability to provide the billions of dollars necessary to host the Olympic games, New Zealand was denied its claim to this honor because of their lack of wanting to spend their hard earned sheep bread money on it. A list of their changes follows.
[edit] New Zealand's Changes
- There will only be 3 medals. Medal winners will have their Photo taken with the medal in either 13`3" or 24`6" sizes (additional cost for framed)
- Recipients will not keep the medal, instead they will receive a colored sippy straw of their choice and a McDonald's Voucher for a small Fries with any Combo purchase.
- All running, jumping, dancing and rowing events will take place on the state highway one, as that is the most up-to-date road.
- All field event equipment will be second hand and or not internationally certified. Such as the gumboot frizbee and the fence post Standard javelin.
- All official gatherings will include fish and chips.
- The local Maoris will eat the losers of each event, in accordance with the 1840 treaty of Waitangi.
- All official vehicles of the events will be Toyota Hiluxes.
- All ATVs will be accompanied by sheep dogs to keep the other countries from starting away from the herd.
- Electric wire is a mandatory part of all events (Especially high jump).
- All sailing, swimming and rowing events will take place in lake Taupo, all at once. Spot prizes will be given for the largest fish caught by any one competitor .
- All Asians will be tagged upon entrance to the country, for easy round up later.
- Most events will incorporate the "last man standing" rule. This goes in accordance with the "Don't ask, don't tell" policy enforced on all complaining competitors.
- Cheating is considered optional.
- Spitting on losers is encouraged.
- Chuck Norris jokes will be inserted into each speech.
- The national anthem of the victor will be played through a cellular phone next to a microphone (the winner will be charged $8.99 for the download)
- Racism, anti religious acts, terrorism, and streaking are all encouraged.
This was denied and instead everyone settled on an agreement that the a souvenir New Zealand flag would only cost $4.70 while every other flag would cost $5.00, encouraging the local poor community to purchase the New Zealand flag to increase support for their country. Thus, another pointless war was sadly avoided.
[edit] Michael Phelps - America's Spoilt Stoner Homeboy
Michael Phelps is a humish, a mix between a human and also a fish only known to a monkey named Spits. Micheal Phelps is a track runner who eats almost everything everyday, when he was a kid he ran down Bigfoot and called Chuck Norris, and a couple guys from Georgia. When Chuck Norris arrived he killed the oversized bear known as Bigfoot with a lazer from his beard, and surgically implanted a fish brain, which he keeps in his pocket and refers to as "Mother." The two Georgia guys took the body and froze the body. A recent news report said the two hicks killed it. To avoid popularity, Micheal Phelps ran away to Beijing, China, where he got some gold necklaces for being ownage. Micheal Phelps was featured on a box of Club crackers cuz hes America's cracker.
[edit] Olympic Rules
There are a number of little-known rules that are very rarely used by athletes:
- In the final of the mens 100m, the lane on which a competitor runs legally becomes the territory of his nation.
- In the Javelin, the use of actual javelins is not required - in the 1974 games, a Canadian athlete tried using a horse.
- Any baby born inside the main stadium during the course of the games gains diplomatic immunity. For life.
- In the case of death during an event, the late athlete's nation gets double points.
- Pressing up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, start, select activates dev_mode. Which allows you to summon Dark Magician in attack position
- In the event a competitor dislocates a major joint during an event, such as weightlifting, no attempt shall be made to mask or in any way hinder the audience's viewing of the injury. This serves multiple purposes: Firstly, the audience gets to see the injury, and thus hopefully discourage them from trying to do any of the insane events themselves, and secondly, to humuliate the competitor by making his extremely painful, embarrassing moment available for worldwide broadcast.
- In case of a tie between the chinese and americans the medal always goes to the underaged 12 year old in this case the chinese
- It's ok to be under 16 and in the olympics but only if your chinese
- the UK are legally not allowed to win the overall medals tally. Nothing but complete failure will please the readers of the Daily Mail.
[edit] See also
- Zombie Olympics
- Olym's pictures
- Winter Olympics
- Ancient Commonwealth Games
- Ancient Greek
- Drunk Olympics
- Epilepsy
- Extreme Torch Relay
Freaks and Greeks
| Greek: | Greek gods - Greek mythology - Greek language - Greek Empire - Greek War of Independence (video game) - Byzantine Empire (mostly Greek) |
| Greeks: | Socrates - Plato - Aristotle - Alexander the Great - Idiocrates - Mediocrates - Hypocrites - Homer - Euripides - Euclid - Archimedes - Pythagoras - Heraclitus - Sophocles - Zorba The Greek - Pericles - UnNews:Greek Prime Minister target by perv |
| Gods & Titans: | Zeus - Poseidon - Aphrodite - Chaos - Chronos - Hermaphrodite - Athena - Hades - Prometheus |
| Greece: | Ancient Greece - Athens - Sparta - Rhodes - Thermopylae - Delphi - Geece |
| Greecey Food: | Olives - Olive Oil - Wheat - Darth Feta - Ouzo |
| Greek Ingenuity: | Comedy - Tragedy - Philosophy - Sodomy - Olympic Games |
| Greek Speak: | The Aeneid - The Iliad - The Odyssey - The Destiniad - Oedipus the King |
