Olivia Newton John
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
“I wanted an Oscar and since I don't have one I became one!”
“She's a Monet”
“She had Breast Cancer?”
edit Early life
Olivia Newton-John is an Australian prodigy that came over here on her father's boat. Her father was Sir Isaac Newton who was too busy with gravity to even pay attention to Olivia. One day she put on her roller-skates and sailed away to Olympia. There she was adopted by the Greek god Seuss. There she lived a quiet life in the comfort of Seuss’s wine cellar. When Isaac died he was summoned to go to Olympia where he'll face the fiery of little Asians and grocery stores of the underworld. These stores happen to look a little Jewish which is out of Isaac's comfort zone. "JEWISH ASIANS," He said to his self. Finally when He got to Olympia he met his biggest challenge of all, the black guy from the Ellen DeGeneres Show. That's when Olivia decided it was time to skedaddle. She said to her in that quiet Aussie accent "those assholes will regret meeting my dad mate". This of course happened because by that time people decided mythology was a stupid religion. Poor Olivia alone on her roller skates with nowhere to go. The only good she got from leaving was not meeting her dad, and John Belushi.
edit The trip to Venice Beach
Olivia Newton-John found herself wandering the world with nowhere to go and nothing to do. After decades of helping people and building a series of Roller Discos, she found herself in Venice Beach. This was about the mid '50s where she met a lot of nice people. One in particular named Danny Zuko. Olivia was intrigued by the sight of his sexy flesh. She always told her best friend French "who is Sha Na Na?" to which French replied "what? We were talking about Zuko." Olivia was puzzled by what French said, so she smiled with those pearly white teeth like a good girl. Time after time she was stalking Danny and wanted a piece of that beauty. Finally she got asked to go to prom by him. Olivia Smiled and was at peace because she finally knew who Sh Na Na was. The prom made a big impact on her. The night of the prom Olivia had an epiphany. She saw herself a couple decades later with a new man. She looks to the right and sees the fat men. "Who are these fat men?" she said to herself. Olivia snapped out of it and noticed Danny dancing with another girl! This slutty Hispanic girl named chi-chi "You want to start something bitch?" yelled Olivia. "What did you say girl? Mm I will fuck you up if you say shit." replied chi-chi shortly after weird word burst out of both of them. Words like "you’re a cum rag sneeze ball raaaa!" and "Quiero coger a su madre con las fresas!" (I want to fuck your mom with strawberries!). The night ended with a group of guy's asses.
edit The Cool Car incedent
The end is near for these cool and groovy seniors, and by seniors we mean high school seniors because dead old people are not suitable for this family friendly website. These Mother fucking seniors are so stoked to party at their fun carnival and get wasted like Douche bags. This is what exactly happened with their songs about shalalaramabingbabong and changchangchanglychangshabob and ralalalalalallalaskibityfuckyou and arompabaloobaarombanbooooo! The fun ended however when Zuko took off in his magic red car flying through the sky scaring the shit out of Olivia. The wind was cold and they were lost in the cloudy sky with nothing to eat. Three days later Zuko made his confession of being a secret fire bender trying to capture the Avatar to please his sugar daddy. Olivia found herself puzzled again yelled "Get me off this thing you Puta!" Zuko was speechless and remained quiet till he got back to the fire nation. This wasn't what Newton had in mind so she picked up her roller skates and flew out of this mad world where everyone spoke English and wrote in Chinese.
edit Later Life and singing Career
When the 1970s hit, they hit big because Olivia sweet wispy voice made a series of albums that no one even knew about. With exception of the one featured on Dance Dance Revolution. Olivia broke up with Danny Zuko because she was becoming attracted to "bigger men" exercising. After that she sort of disappeared from Civilization. Rumor has it that she went back to Olympia. Others say she stole Danny's car and flew away visiting her old Roller Discos. By that time no one liked roller skating or disco or bad movies about the two.
edit Where is she now?
My friend told me she was on Glee once. I don't really know accept she got some pretty good surgery.
- No one knows where the "John" came from.
- Most Gods hate Isaac Newton
- Olivia is an Actress/Singer by day and Pig by night
- and we really mean Pig