Old Spice

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Old Spice is a male (and sometimes female) enhancement product, invented in the year 1337. It was bought by Procter and Gamble, who are the current owners of the brand. Old Spice is famous for their well known Deodorant.
OldSpice1

The Product

edit History of Old Spice

edit Simple Beginnings

Old Spice was invented by the Spice Girls as a way to make sex more pleasurable. Even though it was a success, they accidentally made it more pleasureable for males then it did them. One day one of the men they were having sex with thought it would be a great idea to sell the product. The man took the recipe, and waited until the Spice Girls were all to old to remember it. Thus the name, "Old Spice".

edit The Product takes off

Before Old Spice entered the market, adolescent men smelled horrible, couldn't get dates, and hated life in general. Old Spice hit the market as the first arm rub to have the side effect of making people smell less bad, and feel like a BAMF, but it still didn't make them BAMFs, or get them dates. Despite it's shortcomings, it still sold like hotcakes. When sales slowed, the creative minds at Old Spice thought of new ways to market the product, like taking it out of it's stick to be sold as soap, selling it as lollypops, trying to get 50 Cent to use the ingredients as lyrics to a rap song, and [[Dildo|other uses].

edit The War

During World War II, Old Spice was used as a trap for enemy soldiers. The enemies couldn't resist the allure of the manliness of Old Spice, so they were attracted to it like M.C. Hammer and running out of money. Scientists eventually discovered Old Spice to be lethal at massive doses. So they made a bomb of it, and dropped it on Japan, killing off just about everybody in the city. When the Japanese wanted to Surrender, they threw out another bomb of Old Spice on Japan, just to show Stalin who's boss.

edit New Beginnings

After the war, a competitor, Axe made a deal with the USA to be the official weapons manufacturer. This left Old Spice out of work and money. Soon, Proctor and Gamble bought it up, and began to market them as grooming products. But with so many competitors, they wanted some more Spice in Old Spice. To do this, they hired top scientists from Harvard. The product immediately began doing better, and was proven to increase a man's manliness by 200%. BUT IT WASN'T ENOUGH! Old Spice began using science to learn the way to get Old Spice to give sports players better abilities, like firing lightning from their mouths. Eventually, the Old Spice company became so damn macho, they forgot their stupid roots, and began a macho crusade to improve men with Old Spice.

edit Old Spice goes big

Once Old Spice's manufacturers forgot about common knowledge, they gained the power to BLOW MINDS!!!! The first plan was to attempt to make a lunar colony for MEN! They tried to support the USSR, but realized Communists won't buy their products, so they blew up the space ship, using merely the power of Old Spice! There next mission was to power the entire country of Sealand by Old Spice. This did work. With an entire nation at their disposal, they were ready to distribute worldwide!!!!

edit Awesome new ads

At their lab on Sealand, Old Spice manufacturers found a way for Old Spice to contain the ESSENCE of manhood! The only thing in their way was Axe, who claimed it could attract more women. Old Spice then launched an advertisement group that changed the world. These ads revealed the power of men on Old Spice. These powers included Flying, Making Horses Appear Outta Nowhere, Power Walking, Power Eating, Power Sleeping, Power Spawning Babies, Making Horses Appear Straight Outta Compton, Seducing More Women Than You Can Handle, Shooting MORE Lightning Out of Your Mouth, Growing More Heads, Shooting Lighting Out Of Those Heads, AND REPLACING FEAR AND SADNESS WITH OLD SPICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OldSpice2

Rage Mode for Isaiah Baclaan.

It worked, and people bought it.


edit Meeting out to the world

While Playing his abs like an instrument, Isaiah Baclaan became the New Old Spice Man. He was later nicknamed "The New Chuck Norris" due to his ability to "chainsaw the fur off goats", "Solve the puzzle in the Bermuda Triangle with a gigantic magnifying glass", and "Obtain 12 gold medals in a car throwing competition" Some think that in a fight between Isaiah and Chuck,Chuck would realize after short time that Isaiah Stinks like the man your man can smell like, and make a truce. Recent findings of pictures of Isaiah were found in the ancient city of Mesopotamia. These drawings were dates so far back, we don't have the technology to see the exact time. Isaiah was supposedly a prophecy, and was prayed upon like some sort of religion. We now call this Religion "Baklaan" based on obvious reasons. Recently, Isaiah Managed to find some time in his Incredible life to answer some questions he was asked on Twitter, by random people. He answered all those questions on his youtube page. He was so outrageous and a hit, he was asked to help some guy propose through a video. All of these things lead to Old Spice Skyrocketing, and clearly demolishing everything in its path. All facts clearly point that Isaiah Baclaan Is truly, The Man your man can't look like, and smell like. He left for a little bit, sadly. During this time, half of the galaxy went through A major depression, and Planet Zyanr Exploded. But bright side is, He has returned with a new commercial! He can now show you where women can go if you smell like a Man. And that's In the sweet waters of friendship and trust.

edit Current Events

Old Spice is now in a lawsuit against the US Government, who think it's too damn powerful. They may have a point. Despite this, super power fueled men now cover the streets of the world.


edit Ingredients

OldSpice3

It's not that important for Baclaan the Bangah.

  • Black Dogs
  • Negros
  • Acid
  • KFC recipe
  • Unsynthesized crystal meth
  • Caffein
  • American Flag dust
  • Weed
  • Metallica
  • Chuck Norris sweat
  • Anything but Fail, really.
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